Small Vent

For those of you who know my story, I have a small vent.

My husband and I have been working on things and talking all of the time about everything. Some days things are great and others I feel angry at him and hurt. I think that is all normal.

Anyway, today he comes home and tells me that he went to speak to the girl while no one was around. They work in the same building. He said that he told her that what happened that night was the worst mistake of his life, that he was drunk and stupid, that he loves his wife more than anything and he would like to forget about it. She pretty much replied with the same sentiment. She did ask him if I knew, to which he responded 'no.'

I don't know why, but it bothers me that he said no. His reasoning is that it is none of her business what is discussed between him and I. He just thought all in all that it is better off that she doesn't know that I am aware of all of this. Her and I do not know each other, have never met, and probably never will. But if that day should come, I know I am being 'girly' by saying this, but I want her to know that I am aware of it.

What are your thoughts on this? Should I even care?

Message edited 3/13/2006 7:05:06 PM.

Re: Small Vent

i think it would bother me more that he "went privately to see the girl"......then the fact that she thinks you're unaware of what happened.

i have to agree with him as far as it not being her business...but honestly, at this point, i think you should care more about your dh seeing her privately.

were you aware he was going to see her? and where exactly did he see her?

Re: Small Vent

Let me rephrase. They work in the same building. He went to where she works while no one was around.

I edited the original post so that was more clear.

Message edited 3/13/2006 7:05:37 PM.

Re: Small Vent

It wouldn't really bother me to be honest...

But what would bother me is that this scenario is starting to sound more than just a kiss

Re: Small Vent

I think it's better that he said "No." If he said "yes", she would think that's why he was saying it --- because you found out. This way she thinks it's coming directly from him.

I agree the "seeing her privately" wording sounds strange but I'm not sure if those are your words or his.

eta. I agree. It's a little overblown for him to talk this way just about a kiss.

Message edited 3/13/2006 7:12:41 PM.

Re: Small Vent

ahhh..ok..

well, i think the fact that you're working on your marriage is a good thing. and if part of the healing process for HIM is that he needed to let her know where he stands, then that's a good thing too. try not to let the fact that she thinks youre unaware of what happened bother you. let it go and move forward to repair your marriage. if not, it may be just another hurdle for you to overcome, and you have a rough enough road ahead of you guys.

good luck, and i hope everything works out for the best.

Message edited 3/13/2006 7:11:28 PM.

Re: Small Vent

and if you ever are in the situation where you see her

there are PLENTY of ways to let her know YOU know without him telling her

Re: Small Vent

Honestly, regardless of what we think - you do care because you're still hurt about this. I'm also glad you're working this out.

Re: Small Vent

Thanks again for all of your responses.

After we talked the first time, my husband did explain it in better detail. The fact is, it wasn't such a quick kiss. It actually could have progressed to a lot more given the situation.

Still, as of now, I am working to move past it. I guess it does bother me that he didn't say I knew because it is still fresh for me.

And Red, yes, I agree.

Re: Small Vent

Posted by adviceplease

Thanks again for all of your responses.

After we talked the first time, my husband did explain it in better detail. The fact is, it wasn't such a quick kiss. It actually could have progressed to a lot more given the situation.

Still, as of now, I am working to move past it. I guess it does bother me that he didn't say I knew because it is still fresh for me.

And Red, yes, I agree.

Message edited 3/13/2006 7:21:59 PM.

Re: Small Vent

Posted by Redhead

Posted by adviceplease

Thanks again for all of your responses.

After we talked the first time, my husband did explain it in better detail. The fact is, it wasn't such a quick kiss. It actually could have progressed to a lot more given the situation.

Still, as of now, I am working to move past it. I guess it does bother me that he didn't say I knew because it is still fresh for me.

And Red, yes, I agree.

best of luck
i truly hope that it works out for you


and if you need someone to tag along to shoot some nasty "i am going to beat your azz" stares
send me an FM