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Ready to have kids?

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elyssa222
******

Member since 5/05

1541 total posts

Name:

Ready to have kids?

Are you considering having children?
To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests...

MESS TEST:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons.
Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST:
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may use roofing tacks or broken bottles). Have a friend spread them all
over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST:
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to
insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane.
Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4AM. Set alarm for 5AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT:
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize
to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers

Posted 2/25/06 9:33 AM
 
Long Island Weddings
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VirginiaDeb
Don't eat me, hippo!

Member since 5/05

9252 total posts

Name:
Deb

Re: Ready to have kids?

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Posted 2/25/06 10:14 AM
 

neenie

Member since 5/05

22351 total posts

Name:

Re: Ready to have kids?

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Posted 2/25/06 9:50 PM
 

skygirl
Our prayers were answered:)

Member since 6/05

4919 total posts

Name:
Erica

Re: Ready to have kids?

very cuteChat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 2/25/06 11:02 PM
 

GenLCSW
Baby # 3 is here!!!

Member since 7/05

21138 total posts

Name:
Genna

Re: Ready to have kids?

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Posted 2/27/06 11:59 AM
 

Michi
My Love

Member since 5/05

31600 total posts

Name:
M

Re: Ready to have kids?

thats awesomeChat Icon

Posted 2/27/06 1:56 PM
 

tabor
LIF Zygote

Member since 7/07

10 total posts

Name:
Lauren

Re: Ready to have kids?

OMG!!!Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/5/07 4:47 PM
 

shell
:-)

Member since 6/06

2988 total posts

Name:

Re: Ready to have kids?

So Cute!!!!!!Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 7/5/07 4:51 PM
 

PeasandCarrots

Member since 5/07

9579 total posts

Name:
L

Re: Ready to have kids?

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Posted 7/6/07 12:07 AM
 

BellaRock
I am all the Me I will ever Be

Member since 5/06

9746 total posts

Name:
She who shall remain nameless

Re: Ready to have kids?

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Posted 7/6/07 12:26 AM
 

Atlast07
2 Girls and 1 Boy!

Member since 7/07

3504 total posts

Name:
D

Re: Ready to have kids?

That is great! I love it!

Posted 7/6/07 10:07 AM
 

Deedlebugs
Blessed

Member since 12/05

10281 total posts

Name:
Kiki

Re: Ready to have kids?

Too Cute Chat Icon

Posted 7/6/07 10:26 AM
 
 

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Ready to have kids? elyssa222 2/25/06 5 Parenting
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Xpost: Families that have kids and adopted a puppy...? JennChris 3/20/06 0 Parenting
Moms who keep busy during the day with their kids... monkeybride 3/20/06 10 Parenting
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