Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

I have been having problems with one of my friends, basically even since I got married, she is single. She had started not to call me to go out. She said it was
b/c she thought I was too busy being married and all. This hurt me a lot. I kept telling her that I'm married, but I can still hang out, just maybe not as much. I told her I just want her to ask, even if I say no, it makes you feel nice to be remembered. We talked and everything had gotten better between us. I was really happy about that.

But now we just seem to be drifting father and farther apart. We keep getting into arguments over silly, little things. I'm starting to realize that our lives are becoming more and more separate. She's still in that single, party mode, I just don't do that anymore, I have too many responsibilities at home and work.
I can't go out until 6am like I used to, I'm much more busy than when I was single, I barely have time for myself. The free time I do have is spent with DH and remodeling. Now, Even the quick "hi, how ya doing?" calls are starting to stop between us.

I'm just kind of sad, I guess because I'm realizing that I'm loosing a good friend. Thanks for listening.

Message edited 7/16/2006 11:10:51 PM.

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

I'm so sorry that is happening. It sux. I think that really good friendships are the ones that last, even when you have some time apart. Maybe she just needs to play out that part of her life, and once she moves onto the next stage, you will reconnect. That's happened to me. I'm a true believer that different friends serve different purposes at different stages in your life. I'm having this problem now that I had a baby. It seems no one calls us anymore to do anything. I mean, I'm not looking to go out and party, but our friends don't do that anyway. They just hang out at someone's house and BS. However, everyone seems to think we're a helluva lot busier than we really are. We keep telling them that, and they just don't seem to get it. I just think it's their way of giving us space to adjust, and giving themselves some space to adjust to our new situation.
People have a hard time with change, and your friend may be experiencing that. She may be envious of you or afraid of bothering you or maybe she just feels like you don't have a lot in common anymore. And maybe you don't. It's rough, but it definitely happens sometimes. Hopefully you guys will reconnect when you have more in common again.

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

I'm sorry. I think most of us have gone through this. I'm very young, so y friends are at a completely different stage in life than I am. Actually I've felt a lot older than them since I was 18 for a number of reaosns, I got into a car accidnet and I had back problems so I couldn't be as free and just roam around everywhere. Also, I've been with FH for so many years and I don't have any interest in going out and drinking and partying. it's really, really hard, but you'll find other friends more in your stage of life, and your friends will catch up.

I'm grateful to my LIF friends for that reason, they know what it's like to be in a marriage and sharing your life with someone, and have bills and responsibilities, etc. It occured to me how different my life was from my friends when we bought our car...I mean first of all we were buying a car at all, but secondly, we bought a bigger car that had room for a family, because we plan to keep the car for many years. And my friends were all thinking I was insane, because that's such a distant notion to them. Also my friend was saying it was insane how much Fh had spent on my e-ring, but now he has been with his gf a lot time, and I think he'll soon find out!!!

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

Thanks for listening and giving me some advice. I know that you are right. Some friends serve different purposes in your life at different times. Maybe in a few years she'll be alittle more settled down and less like a single party girl. It's fun to party, but not to the extent to which she does. I just want to go for dinner and talk, not go to a NYC club at 3am.

I know that as much as I want to continue being friends, we have become too different at this point. I have been fighting the inevitable that our friendship should be going on hold for a while and I shouldn't be. The amount of arguments that we have gotten in over this is just not worth. Friendship shouldn't be stressful, and this one totally is. I just hope that one day we become more like each other again, and will be able to be friends again. I may need to talk about this again, so I hope you all don't mind maybe listening again one day. Thanks again for listening, this has really been upsetting me for a while now, and I needed to let to out.

Message edited 7/18/2006 12:53:38 PM.

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

I'm having some friend issues now too, I posted about it a few days ago. I wish I had some advice, but I don't only some to offer.

Since my wedding in November, we've talked on the phone only once, and that was this past April. She has not picked up the phone to call me literally since before DH and I got engaged last February.

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

Posted by MrsRbk

I'm having some friend issues now too, I posted about it a few days ago. I wish I had some advice, but I don't only some to offer.

Since my wedding in November, we've talked on the phone only once, and that was this past April. She has not picked up the phone to call me literally since before DH and I got engaged last February.

Message edited 7/18/2006 3:50:39 PM.

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

I too believe that there are ebbs and flows in friendships.

I have one friend that, when she got married, I felt disconnected to. Once I got engaged, she was so thrilled for me and came back in my life and became a BM.

I have other friends who right now I'm not connected too as much. But because of my experience before, I know that if we are meant to continue our relationship, we will.

Hang in there!

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

It is hard to let go.

When my friend got married in 2003, I was her MOH, I was dating DH at the time and we knew we would get married one day. After this friend's wedding, she started calling me less and less. She didn't understand that I wasn't single anymore (even though she was married) and that I couldn't put her first (she was my best friend).

In August of 2004, I spoke to her for her birthday and for her first wedding anniversary, my birthday rolled around in November and I hadn't heard from her and didn't. So when I got engaged in December, I emailed her, just like I did with all of my friends, she didn't respond.

In April of 2005, my grandmother became ill and died, since this girl practically grew up with me, my mom said I had to call her and tell her. No response.

The final nail in the coffin was after my wedding, she got a hold of some of my proofs via a friend of a friend, she then sent that person a nasty email about how horrible I looked and how tacky my ring is (it was my grandmother's).

The moral of my long story is that people can be so bitter for no reason whatsover and my heart is broken from losing a friend that I have had since i was six. I am sorry that you have to go through this as well, and it seems like a lot of people do. I guess it is growing up, in a way.

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

Posted by KateDevine

It is hard to let go.

When my friend got married in 2003, I was her MOH, I was dating DH at the time and we knew we would get married one day. After this friend's wedding, she started calling me less and less. She didn't understand that I wasn't single anymore (even though she was married) and that I couldn't put her first (she was my best friend).

In August of 2004, I spoke to her for her birthday and for her first wedding anniversary, my birthday rolled around in November and I hadn't heard from her and didn't. So when I got engaged in December, I emailed her, just like I did with all of my friends, she didn't respond.

In April of 2005, my grandmother became ill and died, since this girl practically grew up with me, my mom said I had to call her and tell her. No response.

The final nail in the coffin was after my wedding, she got a hold of some of my proofs via a friend of a friend, she then sent that person a nasty email about how horrible I looked and how tacky my ring is (it was my grandmother's).

The moral of my long story is that people can be so bitter for no reason whatsover and my heart is broken from losing a friend that I have had since i was six. I am sorry that you have to go through this as well, and it seems like a lot of people do. I guess it is growing up, in a way.

Message edited 7/24/2006 3:55:55 PM.

Re: Just really need to get this out. (About friendship, Kinda long)

Posted by puppylove

Posted by KateDevine

It is hard to let go.

When my friend got married in 2003, I was her MOH, I was dating DH at the time and we knew we would get married one day. After this friend's wedding, she started calling me less and less. She didn't understand that I wasn't single anymore (even though she was married) and that I couldn't put her first (she was my best friend).

In August of 2004, I spoke to her for her birthday and for her first wedding anniversary, my birthday rolled around in November and I hadn't heard from her and didn't. So when I got engaged in December, I emailed her, just like I did with all of my friends, she didn't respond.

In April of 2005, my grandmother became ill and died, since this girl practically grew up with me, my mom said I had to call her and tell her. No response.

The final nail in the coffin was after my wedding, she got a hold of some of my proofs via a friend of a friend, she then sent that person a nasty email about how horrible I looked and how tacky my ring is (it was my grandmother's).

The moral of my long story is that people can be so bitter for no reason whatsover and my heart is broken from losing a friend that I have had since i was six. I am sorry that you have to go through this as well, and it seems like a lot of people do. I guess it is growing up, in a way.

Wow! I can't believe that any one who calls themself someone's friend would do that to you! I felt so bad for you after reading the part how she wasn't there for you when your Grandmother passed away, how she said your e-ring, which was your Grandmothers was tacky, and that you looked nasty on your wedding day. I can't imagine how sad this all must have been for you. Seems like you are better off with out her in your life. The things she said and did where not just little normal arguments friends have, she seems like a very hurttful person. It is so hard loseing a friend, and I can understand why you would be heartbroken. I hope you are feeling better about all this soon!