Question for SAHMs

Do you feel yourself constantly having to justify and defend your decision to others?

Last night DH's friend was saying how it is too bad that I want to sah and how much we are going to miss my income. Poor DH defended me till the end. But I get this a lot and we don't even have kids. It is in our plan that I will SAH, but I get this from everyone, even my grandmother. I would never say a word to a mother with an outside job, so how come people are allowed to say it to me?

At what point did mothers who want to have a full time role in raising their child have to go on the defensive? thanks, just a little rant.

Re: Question for SAHMs

Well you know if it was up to me and if we had enough money, i would love to stay with Alia. Although I'm only planning to get a part time job. I have never had to justify my reasonings, I was greatly surprised that people were happy and very supportive of my decision.
Ultimately, it's you and your husband's decision. Everyone else should mind their own business.

Re: Question for SAHMs

Re: Question for SAHMs

Posted by Janice

Posted by Aliasmom

Everyone else should mind their own business.

definitely. It is like the running joke among our friends, how lazy I am and can't wait to go into retirement meanwhile, I work longer hours then them, commute to get more money, and wait tables from time to time on the weekends. So it is not that I am not a worker, just that I want to be a homemaker. DH is fine with it. He does not want us working split schedules then we will never see each other.

Re: Question for SAHMs

My mom has dealt with it for her entire life!

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I think it goes both ways. I do understand that SAHM's get comments about them being 'lazy' or whatever but working moms get many comments about them working and how a child needs his mother. I think it's a topic that most people feel very strongly about, one way or another, so it's going to evoke controversy.

Just do what works best for you and tell anyone who has a problem with it to go scratch

Re: Question for SAHMs

I'm not a mom yet but do plan on having kids. We are lucky enough that I will probably be able to stay at home should I choose to. I think most people who comment about SAHM and their "not" working or losing "income" really have no experience whatsoever with raising kids. Being a mom, whether you work outside the home or not, is always a full time job and you never get a break either. As far as income is concerned, sometimes it is a better financial decision to have one parent stay at home. There are costs associated with working (clothes, commute, day care) as well a tax liabilities. I commend you on your choice!

Re: Question for SAHMs

I would love to be a SAHM and always thought I would. It is very hard work running a household a raising children. Now, with the price of houses, I don't think we can do that if we want to buy a house. In addition, my job is the more secure one, with excellent benefits, and it really wouldn't make sense for me to be the one to stay home. I have also worked very hard for my degrees and think I would miss working at least part time. So we'll see what happens.

I always say, as women, we would be a lot better off if we supported one another in the personal decisions we make, if they are right for us, rather than tear each other down. I think it is a difficult decision to make and I don't think most people make it lightly.

Re: Question for SAHMs

For those people that do go back to work and choose to judge SAHM they should really try it for a few weeks and see that many work twice as hard than at their old 9-5 office job...I know I do!

Re: Question for SAHMs

In a perfect world, DH and I would love for me to stay home....I wa home for a few weeks this summer (without baby, just the dogs) and I was quite bored (I was also newly PG, so I was too tired to do anything).

We're hoping that DH gets a promotion/finds something better so that I could stay home, but right now I'm working off the books, banking the money, but I also have the opportunity to bring the baby with me to where I work.

I'll work as long as we need the money, but if there comes a time where we are good on one salary, then at home I'll stay until the kids are in school, then I'll work while they are there, and be home for them.

There is absolutely NO WAY any job is tougher than being a SAHM-it's 24/7, constantly running, thinking, organizing...sheesh...I hope I can handle it!!

Re: Question for SAHMs

Wait a minute, you are a Stay at home wife with no Kids?! That is GREAT! I never even heard of that. I know personally I would be so bored, unless I had a ton of money to always be out shopping and re-decorating, etc. I guess it is also because my friends are all young professionals and we were in school into our mid 20's and now have student loans, so we feel like we should be using our degrees.
I can tell you that I am having baby #3 any minute and it is MUCH EASIER on the days that I go to work! The days with the kids are HARD LABOR! Good for you, if you can afford not to work, why bother, I;d tell everyone to mind their own business, they're just jealous! Can I ask, what do you do all day though?

Re: Question for SAHMs

no, I work now no kids yet, but when they come I will stay at home.

Re: Question for SAHMs

Posted by Janice

no, I work now no kids yet, but when they come I will stay at home.

Re: Question for SAHMs

i get attitudes and eye rolls because i want to not work on my summers off!! (im a teacher)

Re: Question for SAHMs

I would love to be a SAHM!

I feel like I have to defend my choice to work before I found out I would be pregnant. People make comments about someone else raising your kids. But I have a great job, make a great salary and work great hours (I'm a corporate lawyer working 9-5). If I left, this job would not be waiting for me and I don't think I could find anything nearly as good.

ETA: After reviewing some other posts I just came to a conclusion- too many people have opinions on our lives. We all need to do what is best for us and our families. There is no "right" way to raise children. Each family needs to make that choice for themselves. We need to tell people to mind their own business!

Message edited 8/10/2005 3:37:16 PM.

Re: Question for SAHMs

I am not even preggo yet, but i can't begin to tell you the questions and stares i get from people when i say i want to go back to work after having kids, since my DH makes enough to well support the both of us. I would never judge another woman on her choice and it really bothers me that people do it to me.

For me i want to work because it's my identity and i know i won't be happy staying home all day. I have worked very hard to get to where i am today professionally and i don't want to give that up. My DH totally supports me on this and that is all that matters.

Re: Question for SAHMs

Re: Question for SAHMs

Im a SAHM and I never had anyone look down on me for it.
How can u look down at any woman who devotes her life to her children?
JMO, its the most wonderful rewarding job anyone could have.

Re: Question for SAHMs

In the beginning I did. It was amazing to me how much people felt the need to criticize. It's not like I'm sitting home eating Bon bons. It's the toughest job to have. No sick days the pay su<ks! But, for me I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Re: Question for SAHMs

My mom was a SAHM since for all of my life. She has dealt with sooo much criticism because of it that its actually sad. Whenever anyone asks her occupation and she says "homemaker" or "mom" they just look at her and say.."you dont work?"...My mom always handles it beautifully by telling them.."I WORK MY *** OFF AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SWITCH JOBS, I DARE YOU FOR JUST ONE DAY!"..LOL

And its so true...my mom has always taken care of EVERYTHING! I too want to be a sahm if our financial status allows me too and I am sooo proud of my decision! To each his own...and in my life, staying home with my children is what I have always wanted to do!

I thank my mom all the time for staying home with us, and till this day she still says she would have never had it any other way.

Re: Question for SAHMs

I don't really hear anything, but I do plan on going back once we finish having kids and the last is in school. Maybe sooner...

Re: Question for SAHMs

I HATE when people say that I "DON'T WORK" because I am at home with 2 kids - Oh I work! It's a 24/7 job and the way I look at it, I am saving our family money by not having to pay for daycare, someone to cook, clean, do laundry... etc. - It's a personal decision, and something that other people should keep their noses out of!!

Re: Question for SAHMs

I think people (outside LIF of course! ) just need to realize that raising your children as a SAHM or working mom is entirely a personal decision, and neither is better than the other. Children raised with SAHM's turn out wonderfully, and so do children raised in daycare, and vice versa. I think how your children turn out have a whole heck of a lot more to do with many other factors than whether or not your mother worked or stayed at home.

I plan on working full-time after my maternity leave, and get so much crap about it! I would never dare judge a SAHM, and nor should a working mom be judged for her decision. Every woman has to do what's best for herself, her career and her personality. For me, I put countless hours, sweat, and tears into my profession, and though my children and family will always be #1, my career is in a very significant way a part of my identity, and I know that I would be a huge disservice to myself and my children if I stayed at home... but that's just who I am. Doesn't mean I'm right or wrong... ugh, it's hard enough as a woman to juggle everything, why do people have to put that extra pressure on top of it all by judging us??! GRRRR...