Non PC Article on Parenting in my local paper

Not politically correct, Rosemond makes good points on child-raising
Mark O'Brien
@PensacolaNewsJournal.com

There's no way John Rosemond can escape being labeled a "grumpy old man" by some critics.

Then again, a lot of what he says makes sense.

He thinks parents today should learn from the fathers and mothers of 50 years ago, when there was no "babble" about "self-esteem," attention deficit disorder or children dictating a family's direction.

"Today, you see kids 5, 6, 8 throwing tantrums ... having to be dragged out of the store by their parents. Even worse, not being dragged out of the store by their parents," Rosemond said, addressing parents at a seminar Sunday night at Gulf Breeze Middle School. "You folks think this is normal."

The nationally known commentator on child-raising comes by his theories from personal experience.

And he blames a lot of today's troubled children on baby boomers who coddled kids and disdained the stricter rules favored by previous generations.

"We're dumbing down the definition of what a well-behaved child is," Rosemond said.

In 1971, when he received a master's degree in psychology, Rosemond and his wife, Willie, had a 3-year-old son who was "out of control."

At that time, many young parents spurned traditional parenting and discipline.

Six years later, Rosemond's son was dubbed "the worst child" his teacher had seen.

Rosemond and his wife took action. They became the kind of parents that their parents had been.

They removed the television, ordered chores for their children, and set high expectations for them.

Along the way, Rosemond, a family psychologist, decided, "I don't believe in psychology."

Nor ADD, an increasingly common diagnosis.

"There is no objective fact behind the theory," he said.

As for his own children, he said, "Believe it or not, they grew up to be fully functioning members of society."

Rosemond prizes self-reliance. He recalls that his mother expected him to cook meals and clean the house and his clothes.

"I was a competent human being by the time I was a teenager," he said.

He focused much of his criticism on women who cater to their children, likening them to politicians who tell voters what they want to hear.

Fifty years ago, the "best mother" was the one whose child was self-sufficient.

Now, "The mother who does the most for her child is the 'best mother.' "

To me, the father of two grown children, some of his message is easier said than done.

And he romanticizes the past and overlooks how much more complicated life is today than it was 50 years ago. He and I are about the same age, yet I don't recall the "good old days" the same as he.

Still, Rosemond is right that children must learn to be independent. And this requires parents teaching discipline and making kids understand that we all must deal with a world that is not fair.

Children "don't know what they need. They know what they want," he said.

The parents' job is to explain the difference between want and need and inspire the self-discipline required to succeed.

Re: Non PC Article on Parenting in my local paper

I think that he has some good points. While I don't plan to bury my daughter in chores I do hope she will be self-reliant.

Re: Non PC Article on Parenting in my local paper

Just wondering how you feel.

Dh and I both believe in Marriage-centered Parenting over Child centered so we share alot of these ideas.
Ok, so I'm rambling... can you tell I have only spoken to a 8 month old all day :)

Don't get me wrong. Jack is a top priority. And the reason I'm a SAHM is because he is only a baby once but I'm a firm believer in the "your children are trees you give them strong roots to fall back on but you also want them to branch out for themselves" theory.

Message edited 2/23/2006 10:29:54 PM.

Re: Non PC Article on Parenting in my local paper

Honestly, I have to say I agree with the article a lot.

I used to tell my parents all of the time that the only reason they had kids was so they didn't have to do the laundry, take out the garbage, mow the lawn, feed the dog, etc, etc..

I remember DH was cuddling his 2 week old son. I looked at him & said "I guess you'll only have about 13 more years before you don't have to cut the lawn anymore."

Re: Non PC Article on Parenting in my local paper

I agree with some of the points but I don't necessarily agree with the way some of these points were approached in the past.
I personally practice most of the principles of Attachement Parenting and the goal is to have a highly functional, independent child with high self esteem but it takes a different approach to achieving this.
I do think ADD is overused and a lot of children today are taught no responsibility and just run amuck. I just don't think you have to use harsh discipline (this is what was used by my mom) to raise a good, well rounded, responsible child.