We're supposed to be so happy...

We moved into our new place (first purchase) last weekend and I'm just so overwhelmed! The apartment was filthy and I've been trying to clean a little bit every night when I get home from work, and then it's so difficult to relax. I'm so stressed! This weekend, we started doing some of the more major stuff and I feel like all of the cleaning I did all week is just ruined! Plus, DH and I have been at each others' throats!

I know part of me just reacts this way to stress, and the not being able to relax amid the mess just compounds the whole thing. But please tell me others have had the same experience. We're just miserable and we're only a week in!!!

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

Oh yes! DH and I had such a miserable time- our mover bailed so we moved ourselves (with DH's BIL) out of our 4th floor walk-up by ourselves. It was so chaotic. Then we realized that the house needed more than we initially thought. We were going to paint the living room right away, but when we looked closely at the walls we realized for the first time that the sellers had covered the walls in brown paper and painted THAT. When we pulled it down we found a HUGE crack that ran the length of the wall. Needless to say, that room looked like the lobby of a crack house for about 5 months till we could figure out what to do with it.

It does get better, I promise!

Take before pics, too, if you haven't already. When it's all finished you will appreciate your work much more.

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

That's totally normal. DH and I almost killed each other when we first moved in. The stress of trying to clean and paint in addition to going to work is a lot to handle. DH thought we could finish painting all the rooms in a week, which was not reasonable.

The fighting will end and the house will be great. Don't worry.

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

It gets better - I promise!!!
When we first bought our co-op - it was disgusting!!! and we had so much to do, and very little time!
Little by little, things get done, and soon enough, you'll be able to relax, sit back and enjoy all of your hard work!

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

DONT KILL YOURSELF TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING AT ONCE, TAKCLE ONE ROOM AT A TIME. CLEAR A SPACE WHERE YOU AND YOUR MAN CAN JUST RELAX.

AFTER A DAY OF DOING NOTHING BUT CLEANING, FIXING ETC CRACK OPEN A BOTTLE OF WINE, BEER ETC AND RELAX FOR A 1/2 HOUR

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

I felt the same way when we moved into our house last Summer.

We were getting married in October and we were constantly arguing all the time about decisions on the house and wedding. We had so much cleaning and renovating to do and I thought we'd never get it done in time for the wedding. I remember feeling that we should have good memories of our first house together and all I would remember was the disagreements.

Just take one task at a time. I rushed everything and expected miracles but it does take time to make it a "home". I agree with taking time out too. Go to a local bar one night for a few drinks and don't worry about what condition you left your place in. The work will still be there for you the next day!

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

I find screaming into a pillow for a moment helps in situations like this. After that, pick one corner of one room, and tackel that problem. Let's say you have a crack in the wall, figure you will need spackle/putty, putty knife (depending upon the size of the pach needed will determine the size of the paddle). First clean the area you are preparing to patch, lay down some newspaper and then take the putty and fill the whole. Try to get it flat. Let dry and have a drink.

The next day, sand the spot down and see if you need to fill a little more (it might have sunk). If not, you can paint it, but I would prep all the walls before painting.

It gets messy before it gets clean. And if it really is overwhelming, then perhaps go to craigslist or the UK equivalent and hire someone to do it.

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

Posted by LSP2005


It gets messy before it gets clean. And if it really is overwhelming, then perhaps go to craigslist or the UK equivalent and hire someone to do it.

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

We closed on our house on July 28th and didn't actually sleep there until September. Not b/c it needed work, but b/c we were in the exact same boat as you are - we were making each other crazy trying to do everything at once.

The best advice I can give is to concentrate on the cabinets: clean them really well, line them with something if you want to, and then at least you have a clean spot to put things away in. Do not unpack anything until you have a prepared space for it. Jason would make me NUTS unpacking things when we had no where for them to go.

We would be in the middle of a paint job and I'd see picture frames - with no picutures in them! - coming out of boxes. I thought I was going to lose my mind. There was stuff everywhere, and yet we still had to get the floors sanded, then clean up after that mess, and we had furniture coming, bookcases to be delivered. The first month was really very stressful.

Soon enough it will feel like home. Just try not to do everything at once. Tell your DH to chill, and take breaks. Take every third night off or something and just have a beer in your new place and enjoy it, even while it's a mess.

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

I'm very nervous about this too. we have a ton of work to do on the new place and it's sort of a rush because we can't do it while we're living there since it's the kitchen and bathroom that we're talking about - both pretty big necessities.

I think that before you keep moving forward, you guys need to battle the prioritization list. sit down over a bottle of wine or some beers away from the apartment and make a list of everything that needs to be done. Then you should both have your say on what needs to be done first, second, and come to some agreements. There'll be compromise necessary... and probably some "loud discussions" but once you guys get on the same page, I think the situation will be better.

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

We have been in the house for over a month and we are still living out of boxes! All the holes that my dad patched are still not painted
You know what though, it doesn't make my house any less of a home As everyone keeps reminding me, Rome wasn't built in a day. As we need stuff that are in those boxes, we unpack them. I never wanted to unpack boxes unless we had a place to put the stuff. I hated just "moving stuff" around to put it somewhere.
You will get through it, I promise you

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

If it makes you feel any better DH and I are using our old cardboard moving boxes as bedroom nighttables b/c we have yet to find a set we both like at a price we can afford. We have owned our home for 3 months now. How sad is that???

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

I still have no furniture and its a year later. WE still have boxes to unpack, my kitchen has holes in the walls.

And the outside of my house looks like its been abandoned.

So cheer up ladyyyyyyyyyy

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

My FH is laid back, but when we move I have a feeling we'll be fighting about everything under the sun.

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

its really hard I know, dh and i went thru that, for a few months while we were working on the house, lot of ppl told me that would happen, but it was hard on me, but in the end we're happy with the results, and now we're like fight ? what fight? it'll pass you'll see, just hang in there....

good luck!!!

Re: We're supposed to be so happy...

It is hard - so overwhelming. But it will get better!! In the meantime...