Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

I am a pretty regular poster here, but did not feel comfortable posting this under an identity where I would be recognized.

This has little to do with me, but it is a strange and confusing situation and I was looking to see how others might perceive this.

Here is the situation:

A girl is dating a guy for nearly a year when a trgedy strikes his family. He changes, the relationship changes. The girl is in denial and wants the relationship to get back to normal. She is very supportive and is just trying to be there. The guy is just not the same person.

One day they are being "intimate", and consentually. At first things seem normal, but suddenly the guy seems to just not "be there"- girl feels that something is just not right- it feels different, does not feel the same and feel no connection. The girl tries to stop the guy from continuing, but there is no response, again like he is just "not there." After several attempts to stop what is happening without success, she just lays there until it is over.

In your opinion, what do you consider what took place in this scenario. It is two people that had been intimate in the past many times and initially it was a consentual situation- then things changed . . .

I would love to hear everyone's thoughts

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

I consider that RAPE! If she said no, and tried to stop, and he didn't.. That is rape in every sense of the word. Definitely not consentual anymore!!!

my heart goes out to that person...

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

If she told him to stop and he didn't..that rape.

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

I agree with the first 2 posters

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

did she flat out say....NO or stop?
did she yell?
Because from what you described above it didn't seem like it.

Was there a struggle? Did she try pushing him off? Did he force himself on her?

Again...i am going to be honest...it doesn't seem like it. To me what you described above was a sad situation but NOT rape...

Message edited 3/18/2006 2:23:28 PM.

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by MrsFresca
I couldn't agree more with the statement above. It seems from what you described that this man is no longer interested in this woman and he is just going through the motions. I think the woman knows what's going on but is still hoping that things will work out..that perhaps this is just a rough time in their relationship and things will be ok again and feelings will be "normal" as they used to be. I think as they are adults they should sit down and have a conversation about the relationship..where it's going and also to see if perhaps his feelings are still there for her but perhaps he's going through so much..or a lot of pain because of the misfortune in the family....I feel personally that only talking and communicating honestly with each other, they will both be able to reach a place where they will both be comfortable to decide what to do next about their relationship and where it's headed....if it is.
If on the other hand, there was a NO...a STOP....some yellling from her and he didn't stop...there's more there and I will have to agree with the poster. Perhaps if you give us more information, we can probably give more objective opinions and advices.
And just some
And think that no matter how bad things seem at the moment, there's light at the end of tunnel.....

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by My2Boys

Posted by PiyoPika566

Posted by Redhead

did she flat out say....NO or stop?
did she yell?
Because from what you described above it didn't seem like it.

Was there a struggle? Did she try pushing him off? Did he force himself on her?

Again...i am going to be honest...it doesn't seem like it. To me what you described above was a sad situation but NOT rape...

I agree with Jenn.. I need more info, but I don't see it as rape.

I agree with this as well. What does *she* think it was?

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Message edited 3/18/2006 5:45:30 PM.

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

if she tried to stop it there is a strong argument that it is indeed rape: I found this on line:

Rape After Consenting to Sex
Via How Appealing, we learn that the California Supreme Court ruled today that a male commits forcible rape if his female partner consents to intercourse, intercourse begins, and then she changes her mind and wants to stop. Here's the full opinion which begins with:

We granted this case to settle a conflict in Court of Appeal decisions as to whether the crime of forcible rape (Pen. Code, ? 261, subd. (a)(2)) is committed if the female victim consents to an initial penetration by her male companion, and then withdraws her consent during an act of intercourse, but the male continues against her will. (Compare People v. Vela (1985) 172 Cal.App.3d 237 (Vela) [no rape committed] with People v. Roundtree (2000) 77 Cal.App.4th 846 (Roundtree) [rape committed].) We agree with Roundtree and the Court of Appeal in the present case that a withdrawal of consent effectively nullifies any earlier consent and subjects the male to forcible rape charges if he persists in what has become nonconsensual intercourse."

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

I am not sure what to think. You don't say anywhere that he got rough or vicious with her. You also don't mention any kind of force.
You say that he was "not there" and that she decided then that she wanted him to stop. It seems very confused to me. There are a lot of "if" factors here and unless I knew more I wouldn't be able to make any kind of judgement.
BTW, I hope things work out.

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

It would depend on what type of attempts were made to stop it, and what type of attempts were made to continue it. I think it's really screwed up, very very sad, but I wouldn't think it was rape unless there was actual force involved.

Regardless of how little it actually has to do with you, it's affected you enough to post it...

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

i agree that " im not in the mood, why dont we stop" and STOP, GET OFF, STOP
are 2 different things.

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

It doesn't matter if they had been intimate before, no is no. There is no question that if she told him to stop and he didn't, he rapped her.

Re: Sensitive topic, just want some thoughts (adult situation) . . . .

Posted by kms717

It doesn't matter if they had been intimate before, no is no. There is no question that if she told him to stop and he didn't, he rapped her.

Message edited 3/18/2006 7:38:20 PM.