Sticky situation....need help.

I need help. My sister/best friend and her boyfriend just recently broke up. The problem is my husband has become very good friends with him, to the point that we asked him to be in our wedding this last December. Nothing bad happened between them, they just basically drifted apart. But they're breakup was not good (long story) so they are not speaking to each other at this time. My family thinks that we need to cut ties with her ex BF but my husband won't and I don't think it's necessary.

I know some of you must have been in this situation before. How do I handle this, or how have you handled it? PS...the ex is from Rochester, so he really didn't have anyone else here besides our mutual family and friends.

Thanks in advance.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I think if your husband chooses to remain friends with the ex, then he just needs to be respectful to your your sister by not inviting the ex to functions that your sister will be at.... at least not until she feels more comfortable with the breakup or she feels comfortable in the same room with him.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I agree with your family.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I think it's fine to remain friends with him as long as he respects your sister. If Ex won't be around when he is that's fine, and as long as your Dh doesn't go sharing info about your sister, then all should be fine.

I have a friend who is in the same situation, and we have all remained friends with the ex-GF (her BIL broke up with this girl) and he is fine with it.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I think it depends how ur sister feels with it..

I was in that exact situation when i broke up with my ex...i didnt speak to my best friend for 6 months b/c she remained in contact with him (and she only knew him originally threw me) to this day I still have bad feelings to her for being friendly with him

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I feel blood is thicker then water and would take my sister's feelings into consideration in a situation like this first.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

Sister gets custody of her own family regardless of the circumstances of the breakup. If it were you, would you want to be seeing your ex at your sister's events?

I would just have that friendship fade away.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I would first talk to your sister and see how she feels.

If your DH decides to continue to be friends with this guy, he needs to be sensitive to your sister's feelings- such as inviting him to the wedding and other places where they will both be... I would ask your sister how she feels about it closer to when the time comes. It may be no big deal, or it may upset her. I would honor your sister's wishes.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I think that regardless of whether or not your DH wants to cut ties with him now, eventually they will grow apart. It will become more and more difficult as time passes for them to remain friends. As your sister starts dating other people and he starts dating again - his girlfriends aren't going to like the idea that he still hangs out with his ex's family and friends.

I'm in a very similar situation. Two of my ex's cousins I was very close with. One of those relationships I just had to let go of, as hard as it was. I'm still managing to maintain the other friendship because we are both very good at keeping it separate. But I have already come to terms with the fact that my friendship with her can only go so far...it has limits and that stinks. Your DH will realize the same thing about maintaining a friendship with her ex and eventually the friendship will dissolve. So I really wouldn't push it either way right now.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I think your loyalty should go to your sister and your husband's also. I agree, put yourself in her place. Family comes first in my eyes

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I personally don't think it's bad for your DH to remain friend's with your sister's ex. But like other posters said, he needs to keep his friendship separate from your family life.
DH's twin brother went out with his ex for like 7 years, and she and I are still close. When he started dating someone else, she was the one who told me I should end my friendship with his ex. I thought that was ridiculous and I'm still friends with her, even though my BIL and this girl are now married.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

My SIL and I have no relationship at all, but to be honest, it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm still friends with BIL ex. My SIL is just a nasty person and noone likes her.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

We had the exact same situation. We decided we needed to ask the ex boyfriend to bow out and we explained why - he was really understanding about it - which was nice. He was still at our wedding and by the time our wedding rolled around, they were able to be around each other and talk so she was even OK with him coming in the limo with us and being in a few pics. Which, I think was pretty cool of her. They never did get back together but everything at our wedding worked out.

Our of respect for your sis, I think you need to take him out of the wedding party but maybe he can contribute in some other way to the wedding.

Message edited 2/13/2006 9:48:40 PM.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I think your DH can remain friends with the guy and just don't discuss your sister at all whenever you talk to him.

Re: Sticky situation....need help.

I think if he can have a casual relationship on the side; lunch here and there; but not invite him to anywhere the sister will be; it could work.


DH was in this situation. One friend had an "affair" with another friend's girlfriend. DH was better friends with the one who had the affair and he tried so hard to keep in touch with the other, but knew that the two guys couldn't be in the same room. Its a difficult position, but it could work.