|
|
This has probably already been posted but it is funny....Long Island versions of Barbie
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie dolls for the Long Island market:
Baldwin Barbie - This barbie comes with 4 different kinds of STDS and her own Planned Parenthood punch card. Her special features are smoking weed and sniffing cocaine. She comes complete with dyed black hair, lip ring, and is dumb as dog ****. Also avaliabe with Ken boyfriend as well as 5 avaliable unnamed male companions... Unless it's Baldwin Harbor Barbie- then refer to Merrick Barbie.
Central Islip Barbie- This Modern Day Retro-Barbie comes with Two Gold Teeth, Acid Washed Jeans, White Reeboks, Feathered Hair and a Double Ring Belt (Yes it is 2006.) She also comes with Ken, her brother/boyfriend, complete with house arrest bracelet and Dodge Neon. Parole Officer Sold Separately.
Hempstead Barbie - This Barbie comes with Hoop Earrings, Hair Weave, Food Stamps, a bus pass, a search warrant, and a court date. She also comes with three babies and three different Ken's (Baby's Daddies). Each Ken comes with his own bag of weed. (Sold separately and on a Street Corner)
New Cassel Barbie- (Not Available)
Who are you kidding? No one wants anything from New Cassel.
Brentwood Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and four baby Barbies in the backseat (no car seats). The optional Ken doll comes with a paint-bucket, lunch pail, and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for Brentwood Barbie or Ken.
Garden City Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at Saks Fifth Avenue. She comes with an assortment of Coach handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a 3500-square foot house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. *** (rear end) not available. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Franklin Square Barbie- This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.
Uniondale Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes with a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop then we don't know what you are talking about.
Great Neck Barbie - This stuck-up yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Hicksville Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's *** when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Roslyn Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie comes with take-out menus, lunch dates, and vacation homes. She wears only the most expensive clothes that either her daddy or hen-pecked hubby Ken pay for. She rarely has a job, yet is never home to take care of her own kids. Comes with Lawyer Ken. Optional housekeeper/nanny sold separately. But you better get one for her or she'll never shut up.
Levittown Barbie - This brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of
her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Hicksville Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
Huntington Barbie - This doll actually smells like tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Huntington Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
New Hyde Park Barbie - This Italian Princess Barbie comes with teased black hair, 12 gold chains, 7 gold bracelets, 8 rings and 1 ankle bracelet. Included are a permanently attached cell phone and a black Monte Carlo with ILUVTONY license plates. The accompanying Ken doll has been replaced with a black haired Tony doll with hairy chest and gel/hairdryer kit.
Merrick Barbie - this is the knock-off wearing, fake-nail-sporting, paying-for-her-Lexus-lease-by-the-skin-of-her-teeth, "low-rent" version of Roslyn Barbie. She aspires to be Great Neck Barbie. Due to incessant Merrick Barbie nagging, Ken is happily anatomically correct
Plainview-Old Bethpage Barbie - This barbie comes stocked with 14 different credit cards, a permanent parking spot at Shoprite, and a gift certificate for driving lessons that she'll never use (also comes equipped with either a Mini-van, an Escalade, a Hummer, or SUV, depending on whether you're in the college streets, or Old Bethpage). her husband, who you can get as a lawyer or a doctor, keeps her happy by letting her buy every pair of Uggz, and every Louis Vitton and Gucci bag to her heart's desire. he even let's her dress their babies in mini-uggz and Coach onesies. they're at La Piazza and the Plainview Diner so much, that they actually PAY La Piazza to deliver to them! (fyi: La Piazza doesn't deliver). Skipper goes to JFK where she is the biggest JAP in all of Long Island, but yet, pretends to be "punk" because someone told her it was fashionable. She gets a parking spot every quarter.... even as a junior. btw.... she got a BMW for her Bat Mitzvah, and she will show up to prom in a coach bus with all 600 of her "friends" and then go to Seaside Heights. she will end up at Nassau Community College.
Seaford Barbie - This white bread plain as **** barbie comes complete with japped up outfit conveniently paid for by her unseen parents, why you would want to own this version is beyond me, who really gives a **** about seaford?
Valley Stream Barbie- This barbie comes in several different gang colors. She's got long curly greasy gorgeous hair. She's got a belly ring, and her belly is popping out of her sweatpants for everyone to enjoy. Come's with a metal pipe, screens, and an adorable little 40 0z. Valley Stream barbie can kick some ***, make-up bag and barbie stitch kit also included. This barbie loves the dollar store, or throwing up in the park. Barbie bus pass, nextel, and birth control sold seperately. Valley Stream Ken available on parole only.
|
