btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
|
Prayers for Friends of ours needed desperately
Hi everyone....
Please read this letter written by a friend of ours....our husbands played on a church softball league and we were youth group leaders together. I have remained in touch with her since we left because they are such great people. I was fortunate enough to be a part of the backyard cleanup with our youth group and I was fortunate to meet her angel of a mother who refuses to let this get her down.
I am crying right now and praying that their miracle come to them soon, her mother is stricken with debalitating MS.
*************************************
October 5, 2005
I am not sure we have a story fit for TV or one that would capture an audience, but what I do know is, we are in need of a miracle. I was two years old when my parents bought their house in 1975. It was an adorable 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom, and 1 car garage ranch on a quarter of an acre in Holbrook, NY. The backyard was just dirt with a few new trees and a new swing set for me. My parents raised 6 children in this house. When I was 10 years old, they took ¾ of the garage and turned it into a bedroom for me. Since then, with their own two hands and hard work, they added on a large den with a fireplace, a smaller den/computer room, a master bedroom for themselves, and another bathroom. Additions were made to the yard as well…an in-ground pool with slide, a deck, patio, gazebo, and lots of beautiful patio furniture. Let’s not forget “Little Tykes land” along with a battery operated train with tracks that we were able to ride. My mom’s pride and joy were her children and her home. I have wonderful memories of my childhood there. Christmas, holidays, summers, all were amazing. Everyone wanted to come to our house. My parents through wonderful gatherings and parties…they really knew how to entertain. Mom would clean almost everyday. Every Friday, after school, we knew under our beds, our drawers and closets all needed to be spotless for when she came in to dust and vacuum. I cannot recall a day where there was a messy room in the house. With six children, I do not know how she did it!
The front and back yards were always neatly groomed. Mom picked every weed. Her flowerbeds were colorful and beautiful. Flowers were everywhere! I can still see her, up on a ladder, trimming the hedges until they were perfect. She would mow the lawn in her bare feet! The pool was crystal clear and always so refreshing. I grew up believing our house, both inside and out, was something right out of “Better Homes and Gardens.” Mom was and still is amazing! She was organized, knew all our schedules and never seemed to miss a beat.
It was 1991, mom was 41. Her and I just finished shopping at JC Penney. I was driving and on the car ride home, she shared some news with me. She told me she had been diagnosed with something called Multiple Sclerosis (MS). She made no big deal out of it, so neither did I. We did not have any idea what this disease was going to do to her and to our family. At the time, no one could tell there was anything wrong. She was just fine and continued to do all the many things she did. By 1994, only three years later, mom was at the point where she needed help walking across the floor to light a candle at my sister’s Sweet 16. When my husband and I were married in 1996, mom was already wheelchair bound and could not walk at all. She was slowly loosing the mobility in both her arms as well. The MS progressed very rapidly in her. Mom’s depression soon set in. Just when we would get used to how it was affecting her, her condition would change and worsen. By the time my daughter Taylor was born in 2001, mom was completely paralyzed from the neck down, having no use of her body and unable to do anything for herself. Slowly, everything was changing around us. My parents’ marriage was failing. Along with my siblings, we began growing angry and bitter at how things were falling apart.
My mom still lives in her house with my youngest brother. The rest of us are out on our own. Mom’s desire is to remain in her home, and with the care she is getting, it has been possible for her to stay there. She has two wonderful aids that come around the clock to care for her every need. Little every day things we take for granted like brushing teeth, putting on make-up, making a phone call, and eating, all must be done for her. She has no use of her arms, legs or body. Still, she has beat her depression and remains a faith-filled woman who continues to put her children and family before herself. She has managed to contact organizations that came in and set up a way for her to control her TV, phone and lights all with her voice. She refuses to feel sorry for herself and chooses to focus on her daily blessings.
Recently we have been facing new challenges. She has been experiencing paralysis in her mouth and jaw. Chewing, laughing, smiling and even talking, now bring her pain throughout the day. Some days are better than others and her doctors are doing what they can to help her manage the pain. The other challenge is her home. Over the years, with my mom’s health declining, and my parents’ separating, they maintenance and up keep on the house has become less and less. It is a lot of house and land to take care of. However, if we took my mom out of it, it would literally just kill her. At this point, we are told she may not have a choice. The house has gone into foreclosure and we are not sure what to do next. As painful as it is, she would agree to sell it, however, since there is so much owed on the house, and after my parents split the proceeds, even in this market, there would just not be enough to support her. I have been working with a social worker to see what is available to my mom. It has not been easy finding a nice place for her to live, where she can still have her independence. The system has not been very cooperative and we are running out of time quickly. Her only source of income is what she gets from Dad each month along with some financial help from her siblings. It is just not enough to maintain this house, or even an apartment. It is so heartbreaking and the stress of it all causes her MS to be even more problematic.
Ideally, it would be wonderful if a family member would buy the house and allow mom to stay in it. This particular thought has been on my mind a lot lately. My husband and I have been renting for 9 years and our daughter is 4. It has become increasingly difficult to buy a house here on Long Island. We have been taking over the possibility of buying mom’s house and having her live there with us. Unfortunately, our financial status does not allow this to be working out for us. Still, we are hopeful and praying for a miracle. There is also the condition of the house to consider. We need to figure our how to design it so that mom had her own private quarters. The house needs all new rugs, a new roof, and new appliances. The kitchen and bathrooms are in bad shape and need fixing. The backyard is not useable. Everything is over grown, the pool has not been used in 5 years. The wood decks are all coming apart. It is a landscaper’s nightmare! Our church family has been a blessing with helping out here and there. Our youth group has been over to help with some repairs and outside work, however, it is just not enough. We cannot keep us and we do not have the money to put into the house to bring it back to better condition. I will be honest, at first, I was not sure if living with mom was going to be healthy for my marriage and for my own little family. After talking with my husband, we believe it just might work.
I find myself planning out in my head how we can share the house, still each having our privacy. Mom is at her best when those she loves surround her and she especially does well when her granddaughter, (our daughter, Taylor) visits. Mom told me recently that when Taylor is in the house, she can see angels and feels such peace. I just cried! I am not sure what God’s plan is here. I love the idea of being closer to mom and being right there if she needs us. I felt led to contact you and perhaps there is a way to make this all possible. I am going to keep doing what I can, until I run out of options. Thank you for taking the time to hear me and read this letter.
May God continue to bless you and what you do for others.
Yours truly,
Tara Grey
63B Island Blvd
Bohemia, NY 11716
631-750-3027
Message edited 10/5/2005 7:58:16 PM.
|
They should contact hospice--when my aunt was dying of cancer, hospice workers helped out with her a great deal. How sad the husband left when the wife got sick--I cannot imagine leaving my DH to suffer alone regardless of how sick he became. To wash your hands of over 20 years with someone because they became sick is just disgusting. 
