Mommies with older kids AND toddlers....

Message edited 12/10/2006 10:40:16 PM.

Re: Mommy's with older kids AND toddlers....

I don't think you are being selfish. I think this is one of the things in life you should never "**** it up and go for it" unless you are really sure. I think you just need to sit with DH and tell him what you have told us and that you are still on the fence about it. This is a huge lifechanging decision as you already know.

Re: Mommy's with older kids AND toddlers....

Message edited 12/10/2006 10:40:23 PM.

Re: Mommy's with older kids AND toddlers....

I can't speak from experience so I hope you don't mind my input. But I have gone through my own ttc to do/to wait etc. dilemmas along the way. And it's amazing to me how one week I went from "I don't know when, if ever, I will want to do this" to the next week telling myself, "Ok, I want to be pregnant NOW!" You really might do a 180 in a month or two, or three.

And I have a feeling, that if you went for it again, that you would not regret it for a minute.

Re: Mommy's with older kids AND toddlers....

Message edited 12/10/2006 10:40:37 PM.

Re: Mommy's with older kids AND toddlers....

I felt the SAME way until about a month ago.
I have a 9 year old (about to be 10) and a 2 year old...
Both Boys!



I really thought I was done. But all of a sudden last week I decided I wanted another baby so bad.
Some of my posts last month on the TTC board were " should I go off the pill and try or not" lol
I couldnt decide what to do. For me its not that I wouldnt love 10 more children its that Im 35 and im getting so tired and I didnt know if I wanted to do the whole " up all night" baby thing again..
BUt I think my clock is ticking and Im starting to feel pressured and decided to try.
I guess im willing to take it all on again becuase as you know having 2 kids yourself.. the end result as they grow past the newborn stage makes it all sooooooooooooo worth it.
Im also thinking like when Im older how nice it will be to have another child by my side.
Do some soul searching..
Your not being selfish at all...
Good luck with your descion.

Re: Mommy's with older kids AND toddlers....

You certainly are not selfish for being on the fence about this. It's a big decision and not an easy one. There's so much to consider...and it's not even so much the pregnancy and the life with a newborn because that part is over in the blink of an eye. It's the lifetime commitment and devotion to raising another child.

Now, obviously I don't have a toddler (yet) or an older child, but I have been thinking about when and IF #2 is going to happen since the week we got home from the hospital with Jake because that's when DH first brought it up! It's something that takes time and then you just know, I think.

So what I think you could do is give yourself time to mull it over and think about it alot without too much pressure. I realize that you somewhat have time constraints so maybe give yourself a deadline. Like a few months from now, your next birthday, the following one, whatever you choose. Then just think about it between now and then. play with it in your head...think about how old Danielle might be and what she'll be up to, think about what Sophia might be doing... think about "what if I had a newborn in my arms RIGHT NOW", etc... without pressuring yourself. And when the day comes see how you feel. Chances are you won't still be on the fence.

And I totally agree with MrsProfessor - if you do decide to go for it, I don't think you'll regret it for a second


____________________________________
And now that I've said the thought-out, sensible thing, let me say what first came to my mind (which you can choose to ignore because it's pure emotion):

*SQUEAL* Yay Yay and YAY!! GO for it - have another one - you and your DH obviously make beautiful babies!!

Re: Mommies with older kids AND toddlers....

Just another person weighing in with no background with the older kid/toddler combo...

Disclaimer: I'm a big proponent of having siblings for your kids if you can swing it for you financially, physically & emotionally. As a twin, I love the idea of having children close together. Coming from a family of 3 girls, I think having 3 kids is the perfect number.

I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't just s^ck it up because DH wants another baby. I've seen moms go from a teenager in braces back to the diaper stage - and it was tough. If you are dead set against having more kids, then I’d say it’s a closed issue. The thing is I'm not sure you're really going to be just s^cking it up....Do you think that you s^cked it up by having & raising Sophia? My guess is probably not because you love her so much (as you said it was worth it).

I do think it is easy to handle 2 kids close in age, since they play together, share toys, etc. On some level, even though your daughters are sisters - they are both, in a sense, being raised as only children because of their age difference. I'm not going to knock only children since my best friend is one & she'd kill me, but I do think having siblings close in age is really nice to have.

Reasons you should have another baby:
1 - You can saddle your new baby with DH anytime, telling him he’s the one that wanted it (think along the lines of the puppy speech where you sit the kid down & say “If you want a new puppy, you are going to have to take care of it, walk it, feed it, etc.).
2- Sophia will have someone to say “You know how crazy dad is.”
3- Built-in babysitter. By the time this baby is born, Danielle will be one year shy of legally allowed to babysit
4- Your kids can split your nursing home costs three ways.
5- You have an automatic stall option that allows you to keep your baby stuff because “you’re not done”.
6- Additional tax deductions.
7- Still have a boy name to use up.
8- Excuse for middle age weight gain.
9- Pregnancy hair & nails.
10 – They are just so damn cute.

Reasons you shouldn’t have a baby:
1 – You don’t want to change diapers (solved see #1 above)
2 – You no longer want to be spit-up, peed on, pooped on…
3 – Midnight Feedings (solved see #1 above)
4 – You want sleep
5 – You’re still unsure whether you want one.

Ok now that I’ve gotten all of that out of my system…think of it this way…If I told you right now you cannot have anymore children, would you be sad or relieved?

Re: Mommies with older kids AND toddlers....

Re: Mommies with older kids AND toddlers....

Message edited 12/10/2006 10:40:57 PM.

Re: Mommies with older kids AND toddlers....

I think if you do have another little one you wobn't regret it....but if you don't you may be full of regrets! It's tough and I just want to give you lots of

Re: Mommies with older kids AND toddlers....

OMG!! I have a kindred spirit except I'm a bit different. My DH who wants another child as well but our son is my stepson. I've never had any children. I've never really wanted any either. And he was always fine with that since he has his son already but now he's hinting and I'm not crazy about the idea. You're situation is a little bit worse just because you're the one with the children but he hasn't had his own blood child yet. In no way am I saying that your girls aren't his - believe me - with me being a step mom I hear that all that time and he may not be my blood but he's my son alright! Are you really set against not having another child? It's hard to tell you what to do, ultimately it's your decision but maybe the two of you need to sit down together and really discuss this situation. I feel for you over this one! It's tough. It's not like buying a new car or anything!

Re: Mommies with older kids AND toddlers....

Message edited 12/10/2006 10:41:09 PM.

Re: Mommies with older kids AND toddlers....

Oh I'm sorry I must have messed that up!

Re: Mommies with older kids AND toddlers....

Message edited 12/10/2006 10:41:21 PM.