Mother in Law... Question

Does your mother in law call you to ask for favors?

What if there were problems and she needed someone, would she call you?

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I am asking this because my DH said something that kind of hurt my feelings...and he just doesn't get it.

As some of you know his grandmother is very ill and in the hospital...we have been back and forth a lot. His mom is very upset of course.

Dh went away on business and wont be back until Thursday. I spoke to him last night and we were chatting about his grandma and I told him: I didnt have a chance to call your mom today (I was feeling sick and I slept a lot yesterday..I was out of it) But I will call tomorrow (meaning today) BUT, if you happen to talk to her, tell that to call me if she needs anything...

He replied with: You call my mother-she is not going to call you to ask you for anything...

I asked why: and he said, she doesnt feel comfortable asking you for favors...

I do not understand where this is coming from considering we have always had a good relationship (despite one stupid incident during wedding planning) I thought we were closer than that and now I feel let down... I tried explaining to DH but he does not get why I am upset...

I probably said the wrong thing today when speaking to him (cause it was brought up again) I said if thats the way your family wants to be than so be it, at least I know where I stand in your family...and he got upset with me saying his mother never said anything to him and his mother doesnt hate me or whatever...

I am upset but dont know if I am overreacting...simply being too sensitive...

I can take the responses..so be honest...if I am wrong, than I am wrong...

Re: Mother in Law... Question

well, was he ipset because you guys call her every single day & you didn't do it? I don't see how you said or did anything wrong.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I don't know a great way to phrase this so bare with me...

This time is not about you and your feelings. Its about your Dh's grandma, his mom and your Dh. Your feelings can be brought up after this has passed but you have to see the bigger picture, for now.

If his mom does not drive...call her and ask if she needs anything or would like a ride to the hospital. Make sure she is eating and hydrating....etc. It will take a minute out of your day to make your MIL's day.

Sorry if this came out wrong..but I tried. : blush:

Message edited 8/29/2006 12:25:03 PM.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I don't see anything wrong either. Just sounds like someone is being very sensitive with his mom.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Message edited 8/29/2006 12:27:15 PM.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Yeah I guess youre right, I did call today...I dont think she is mad at me... I just was hurt by the comment-She doesnt feel comfortable asking for favors from you?

I just thought we were closer...

but in the long run-its not whats important...youre right

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Ok, not to play Devils advocate here but I have dealt w/ a motherload of issues w/ my MIL. Now I hope that she's not like my MIL who is obsssed w/ her littrle boy.

I agree that you should not say anything at this time and see how it all plays out. My MIL is very manipulating and plays the victim.

I don't know what would promt him to say she would never ask her for a favor...

Good luck chica!

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Maybe your MIL is the type that never asks for help. I wouldn't take it personal. I would just call her to let her know that you are there for her if she needs anything.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I just called my MIL and left a message on her machine! I am sure this topic will inspire other LIF'ers to do the same!

Message edited 8/29/2006 12:31:11 PM.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by EmilyAKAMrsK

I just called my MIL and left a message on her machine! I am sure this topic will inspire other LIF'ers to do the same!

Re: Mother in Law... Question

to answer your question, no, my mil does not call me to ask for favors. not b/c she thinks i won't, more b/c there is not much she needs from me. we are close in the sense that we get along, but we don't talk every day. but i think that she thinks that if something is going on in her family, i should sit by the phone and wait for updates. for example, we saw them on saturday and my fil has to go for blood tests on wednesday. so she tells me that he is going on wed., so she'll have the results on thurds., so she'll call me with them. not for nothing, i care about my il's, but its like i'm going to rush home to get the phone call?

and i don't see where you have done anything wrong.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by LadyLainez

Ok, not to play Devils advocate here but I have dealt w/ a motherload of issues w/ my MIL. Now I hope that she's not like my MIL who is obsssed w/ her littrle boy.

I agree that you should not say anything at this time and see how it all plays out. My MIL is very manipulating and plays the victim.

I don't know what would promt him to say she would never ask her for a favor...

Good luck chica!

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by july06bride

She is the type to ask for favors... I guess just not from me
and I know this is not the time to bring anything up cause I am going to sound bitc*y, but she is obsessed with her son...and she does play victim sometimes (I found that out during wedding planning) HOWEVER, we get along and I love her alot..they are good people....I know her faults, but love her despite them...hence why I thought we were closer...and why I am upset about her not wanting to ask me for favors..BUT his grandma is so sick..this is nothing I would ever bring up to her right now...
I feel dumb for even posting this... but my feelings were hurt...

I just wanted to know how others were with their MILS

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Posted by july06bride

Posted by LadyLainez

Ok, not to play Devils advocate here but I have dealt w/ a motherload of issues w/ my MIL. Now I hope that she's not like my MIL who is obsssed w/ her littrle boy.

I agree that you should not say anything at this time and see how it all plays out. My MIL is very manipulating and plays the victim.

I don't know what would promt him to say she would never ask her for a favor...

Good luck chica!

She is the type to ask for favors... I guess just not from me
and I know this is not the time to bring anything up cause I am going to sound bitc*y, but she is obsessed with her son...and she does play victim sometimes (I found that out during wedding planning) HOWEVER, we get along and I love her alot..they are good people....I know her faults, but love her despite them...hence why I thought we were closer...and why I am upset about her not wanting to ask me for favors..BUT his grandma is so sick..this is nothing I would ever bring up to her right now...
I feel dumb for even posting this... but my feelings were hurt...

I just wanted to know how others were with their MILS

Re: Mother in Law... Question

My MIL asks me for favors sometimes, not all the time.

Honestly, I'd call her and say "you know, if you need anything I'm always here for you. I know this is a difficult time and even the most mundane task can take a lot out of you. Please let me help you with things if you need it."

Just simple, and let's her know your door is open and that you want to help.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I called, left a message, saying basically that... Just calling to see if you need anything, see how grandma is doing...etc...

Re: Mother in Law... Question

my mil is like that too....
you are better off. you dont want her calling you every second for every little thing.

just call her every day if thats what it takes...

i think its nice of you to offer to do things for her! your dh should be happy you at least do that! its more than i do!

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I would not worry about it too much Just give her a call and see how she is doing.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Maybe she doesn't "know" that she can call and ask you for a favor. You are assuming she definitely would and your DH is assuming she definitely wouldn't but the truth is, you don't really know if she would. Instead, I would call her and extend your help in any way possible and remind her that you are there for her and her family with anything they need. Sometimes unspoken words really do have no meaning.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Some people just don't like to ask for favors. I don't think its anythign personal, I think its a pride thing on her end. My DH is the same way (not with me of course). He loves my mom and he is very grateful for everything that she has done for us, but I don't know how comfortable he is asking her for a favor.

I would offer to do specific things for her- do you need me to go to the store with you? etc... Or if you know she needs something, just do it or tell her you are doing it.

Re: Mother in Law... Question

Re: Mother in Law... Question

I think that my MIL would like it if I reached out and called her...

Message edited 8/29/2006 6:57:12 PM.