BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
|
A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing
I got this in an email from a friend (no it wasn't my friend that this actually happened to).
HOT WAX.......
> All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
> painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
> wax.
>
> My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner,
> played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
> in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of
> the medicine cabinet.
>
> So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those
> cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
> together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart
> press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off.
>
> No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am
> mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!*
>
> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
> stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair
> dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this
> phrase haunts me!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around
> it tight and pull.
>
> OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
> Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward
> body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire.
>
> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak
> back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
> drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
> procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line,
> covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside
> of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
> myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>
> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
> returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the
> strip. S&%T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and
> spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see
> my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me
> so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
> triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
>
> Where is the hair. WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot
> still perched on the toilet. I see the hair..The hair that should be on
> the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S&%T I run my fingers over the
> most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and
> matted hair.
>
> Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember my foot is
> still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something.
>
> So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell
> door.
>
> Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the
> bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please
> don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off"
>
> Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand
> into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax
> should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get
> in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than then that used to torture
> prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only
> thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having
> them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....In
> scalding hot water.
>
> Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the
> bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that convinced me I should have a
> phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed
> before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
> conversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of
> the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but
> does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where
> the wax is located on bottom "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?"
> She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
> and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
> YEAH!!!!! Right!!
>
> I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through
> various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
> Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
> wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry
> shaving the sticky wax off!!
>
> By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I
> slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my
> hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion they give you to
> remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I
> rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>
> The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend,
> but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty
> congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove
> the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and
> despair..................................
>
> THE HAIR IS STILLTHERE.......................ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
>
> So I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point. Next week I'm going to
> try hair color......
|
