I need advice...best friends wedding...

Dilemma...

My best friend is getting married October 4th. Of course she asked me to be a bridesmaid and of course I accepted and was so looking forward to it. She is having a small wedding party..me, her niece and her other best friend and thats it.

Well fast forward to now..I am pregnant and due August 30th. I really would love to still be in the wedding but I honestly dont know if I can be. How would the measure me? How would I be able to help plan a shower? I already know I cant go to the bachelorette party more than likely. I dont know what to do. I dont want to hurt my friends feelings but I dont wanna say yes and realize later on that I cant do it and pull out on her.

Her feelings matter to me so much, I really love her...but this is my first pregnancy and I have no idea what to expect at all and I just dont know if its going to work out. Any advice??

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

talk to her and explain things to her.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

i agree...
just be honest and hopefully she understands

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

One of my best friends who was also my MOH was due on April 5th, and my wedding was April 16th. She had her baby on her due date AFTER labor and a emergency c-section. She never mentioned a thing about dropping out of the wedding- just said she'd still do as much as she could, etc. and got sad when she was not able to do stuff. She missed a lot of wedding related stuff-- but in the end she did the best she could-- she came to the wedding for long enough to walk down the aisle, take a few pics and see our first dance (she was still recovering and had stiches).. It depends on what your friend is expecting of you-- but if she chose you as a BM to honor your friendship-- does it really matter that you may not be able to come over and lick envelopes one night? I would talk to her about it and be honest with your feelings--

ETA-- I asked her to be my MOH months before she got prego..

Message edited 1/4/2006 10:06:16 PM.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

I know it seems overwhelming now, but don't make any decisions just yet. 4 of my 6 BMs were due within 6 weeks of my wedding. 1 gave birth 2 weeks late - the night of my RD. SHe was the only one that didint make it to the wedding. I have a really funny picture of 2 of them pumping in the bridal suite too!Dress shops have seen a thousand preggos and know how to measure and advise you. It just takes a little extra planning, but you have plenty of time to work out the details.
Good Luck!

....

Message edited 12/16/2011 4:47:07 PM.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

First, if the wedding is local - I would say that you'd be able to be a bridesmaid if that's what you really want. You may not be completely comfortable or healed but if you're asking if you can stand up in a dress at your friend's wedding at 4 5 weeks post partum, I'd say probably. I don't know that you're going to dancing around or that you'll really want to be in a dress.

You could just ask her if she's ok with you being in it with the possibility that you may not be physically up to par at the wedding.

If this helps you at all, you aren't the only one in this dilemma. While this one had travel issues, here is a similar post from the Parenting Board with the moms weighing in:
Bridesmaid at 4-6 weeks post partum

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

I was in the same situation as you, but my friend was getting married June 10 and I am due May 28. After long decision making, we decided it was better that I wasn't in the wedding, but she still wants me to be in the planning (shower and stuff). We thought it was better to not put too much stress on myself and the baby. Hopefully, I will be able to make her wedding.

I think you should talk with your friend about all your concerns. Measurements on a dress will not be a problem as long as the place knows about your situation.
I weighed the pros and cons about being in the wedding, we talked about it and we came up with our decision. Yes it breaks my heart that I can not be part of her day in that way, but she knows I would have done anything to be part of it.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

I was in 2 weddings in 2001 one when I was 7 months pregnant & the second when my son was 3 months.
I was at the firsts friends everything shower/bachorlette party (I was the last one home!) If you are having a good pregnancy there is no reason to stop the fun.

And when it came time to order my dress for the wedding after the birth I just ordered the largest size & they took it in.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

I was in a wedding when I was 8 months pregnant! Just do what you can, she will understand. I wouldn't drop out.

Good luck

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

One of my wife's bridesmaids was pregnant and delivered like a month or two before the wedding.

We ordered her dress while she was pregnant with an "approximate size". We then had the dress altered a few weeks before the wedding after she lost some initial PG pounds.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

One of my friend's got pregnant after I asked her to be a BM (with her 1st) and she never considered dropping out. The place where we bought the BM dresses from was very helpful and did a wonderful job sizing her. By the time my wedding rolled around she had had her baby. Since they lived out of state she, hubby, baby, and her in-laws came down. Her in-laws watched the baby in the hotel, but it was great because they were all at the rehearsal dinner and then my friend and her hubby were able to enjoy the wedding and not worry about the baby.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

Hi Noreen, One of my BMs had her baby 3 weeks b/4 my wedding. She didn't want to drop out and I didn't want her to. She got measured very early in her pregnancy so if you can get measured now. I we ordered her a size bigger than she measured at. Her dress was to big but she was able to get it altered. Don't drop out it will give you something to look forward to.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

Just talk to her and do what u can. I'm sure she'll understand.

Im a BM in a wedding in 9/06 (due 4/06) in CA. I am missing the bachelorette party/ shower in Las Vegas. SHe understands. The dress is from J Crew BM so I just ordered 2 in different sizes. Dress shops deal with this all the time- I'm sure they are equipped to handle it.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

I think you have to speak to her and remind her that her wedding means a lot to you but because of the circumstances, you're not that you'll be able to be there for her like you'd like to be. Ask her how she feels about it, and maybe address what you can & can not do. Good luck, I'm sure she will understand.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

I think you should be fine with everything, but talk to your friend about all your concerns....

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

I think if you explain to your friend that you are honored to be part of her wedding and that you have every intention of doing whatever you're capable of to help her through the wedding process, than I'm sure she'll understand. I highly doubt she would want you to step down. My friend had a baby a week and a half before our other friend's wedding and she was fine. She ordered a bigger dress and had her seamstress on standby. Make sure whoever will do your alterations knows the situation and will agree to do them in a couple of days if need be.

Re: I need advice...best friends wedding...

i just wanted to add, at my sisters wedding her matron of honor was about 8 mths preggo. she never thought about dropping out and had a blast at the wedding.

don't project so far into the future, you don't know what is going to happen.