Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

Hi, I don't really post all that often but I figure what better place then here to ask some questions right.. Anyway... This past month pretty much sucked ~ althoughit didn't start out that way.. here's the story... The end of april me and DH found out we were prego.. pretty much surprised since we just go married end of March! I went to the Dr. May 3rd, and he confirmed! YAY... so we told the family and my son (he's 9) and he was totaly excited! (thanks goodness!!) anyway.. things were okay or so we thought, i told him I was realy crampy all the time which he said was normal ( it was 9 yrs since i've done this so i had alot of questions!! ) the dr. said things were good but wasn't sure exactly how far i was he first thought around 6wks (when he calculated) but then thought further.. so we made an apt to go back in 2 weeks for a sono.. this way i'd either be 8 or 10 wks.. anyway, what was supposed to be a happy day turned into a nightmare.. turns out the sak and everything was in tact but no baby... We basically caught the miscarriage befor it actually happend. I was scheduled fo a d&c which happend on the 26th... my question is this.. First of all i feel like an emotional mess..... everything and anything at this point makes me want to burst into tears... my husband and friends have been great but i'm tired of hearing it's better it happend now, and what's meant to be is meant to be ~ Blah blah blah... I'm miserable and hate feeling this way... we do want to try again but part of me is scared b/c I don't think i can handle this again if it should happen again but I don't want to wait forever to try again since my son is already 9 and we arn't getting any younger.... does any of this make sense??? I guess I just want to know that this is all normal or am i losing it completely??? Thanks for listening to me vent..

Message edited 6/7/2006 1:42:12 PM.

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I see you're getting a lot of hits and no commets, so although I don;t have much advice other than to take some time away from all the 'well meaning' people for you, your DH and DS and regroup

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I haven't had a miscarriage so I don't have any personal experience. I think everything you are feeling is completely normal. It doesn't matter in the baby is 1 day after conception or 1 year, that is still our baby. You're in mourning. I wish I could help it go away. It will get easier, it's just going to take some time. There are some women on here that have gone through this and are a tremendous support.

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I have never been through that so I can not ev en imagine what it must be like but from what I read, it sounds like you what you are going through is perfectly normal and with some time things will get better (I know it's SO cliche, but time does help!)

Hang in there and talk about it if you need to.

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I think you picked an excellent forum to discuss what has caused you a great deal of pain. We, as women in similar situations by virtue of the fact that we are on a TTC message board, all share the same fears and concerns that you do. I have not experienced the loss that you have, nor could I understand how you must feel but your feelings are certainly valid and worthy of comforting thoughts from us. I hope things get better for you and I am sure that you and your DH will know the perfect time to TTC.

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

Im a lurker on this board since Im not TTC just yet but to add some comments as well.

In hopes this will make you feel better, my SIL was in situations like yours. At 1st it started with not being able to have a baby easily and they tried Invitro(sp?) 3x with no success. About a yr later, she got pg (with nothing to help) 9 months later a happy and healty baby. About a yr later, pg but loss baby at 10wks and then another try and she miscarried again. Well, with that...she had another baby, another happy and healthy one and just had baby#3, ALL BOYS!
This two are 11months apart.

So, I hope that helps a bit to share that and that even though everyone is different there is hope

Feel better and good luck

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I had a m/c in March and my Dr. told me to wait 2 cycles before ttc again. To tell you the truth I couldn't wait to ttc again because I felt like it helped me take my mind off everything. A m/c unfortunately is very common but just because you had 1 doesn't mean you will have it again. Hang in there. I know it hurts but with time it will get better.

Good luck

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

Thank you all sooo much.. it helps I guess to know you're not going crazy or "over reacting" sometimes I feel I am. thanks for the support and kind words... i really appreciate it!

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

Posted by Kelly529

I had a m/c in March and my Dr. told me to wait 2 cycles before ttc again. To tell you the truth I couldn't wait to ttc again because I felt like it helped me take my mind off everything. A m/c unfortunately is very common but just because you had 1 doesn't mean you will have it again. Hang in there. I know it hurts but with time it will get better.

Good luck

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

Posted by ajaysmom

Posted by Kelly529

I had a m/c in March and my Dr. told me to wait 2 cycles before ttc again. To tell you the truth I couldn't wait to ttc again because I felt like it helped me take my mind off everything. A m/c unfortunately is very common but just because you had 1 doesn't mean you will have it again. Hang in there. I know it hurts but with time it will get better.

Good luck

That's the thing.. I don't want to label it "trying" b/c then i feel it wont happen.. My doc said the same thing about waiting. I just want to go with the flow and if it happens again it happens... is that wrong? Thanks though!

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I'm so sorry!

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I'm so sorry you are going thru this

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

Going through all the emotions of losing someone is totally normal as is being afraid to try again.

Let yourself and your DH heal.

I also had a m/c (8wks) so FM if you want to chat more. It does get easier with time...

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

My best friend's sister m/c twice before giving birth to a beautiful, healthy girl. All of the feelings you are experiencing she experienced. She wanted to have a child but was so scared to try because she couldn't fact the idea of miscarrying again.

I wish you much luck in the future!

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

just wanted to give you some

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

You need to mourn your loss. I have lost a child and had a chemical pg (m/c) last March. Many of us here have gone through similar losses at different times during our pregnancies so we all understand the fear of "Will this happen every time"? I know I will be terrified if I am ever lucky enough to get PG again. But I will not let that fear keep me down so we keep trying....

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you baby dust as soon as you are ready again!

Message edited 6/8/2006 9:39:20 PM.

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

Posted by dooodles

You need to mourn your loss. I have lost a child and had a chemical pg (m/c) last March. Many of us here have gone through similar losses at different times during our pregnancies so we all understand the fear of "Will this happen every time"? I know I will be terrified if I am ever lucky enough to get PG again. But I will not let that fear keep me down so we keep trying....

I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you baby dust as soon as you are ready again!

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

what you are feeling is completely normal!! You had a blighted ovum...a "missed pregnancy" where the sac develops but the baby does not. I had one as well with my first PG and was devastated. I ended m/c naturally the day I got the sono (after spotting and suffering cramps the night before).

We were afraid to try again, I didn't want to have to go through that all over again should it happen. We waited the 3 months which we needed to heal emotionally. We started trying again, and our 2nd month trying we got PG again and I was SO worried that something was going to happen.....and now I have a beautiful daughter.

Hearing everyone say those words does ****....and there is nothing ANYONE can say that will make you feel better....you just need love and time to heal. I'm a firm believer in G-d's Plan and everything happens for a reason. You'll be blessed again! Keep the faith!

Feel better soon!

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I had a miss as well. I had the "blighted ovum" too.I had D&C. It s****** terribly! We were devastated! All of my friends had two children at that point and here I was deperately wanting a first! We waited the 2-3 months, my cycle finally got back on track and now I am 39 weeks pregnant and expecting our first child! My point is that it will come. I didn't think thaty it would. I didn't want to listen to everyone who kept saying it. I just wanted to be left alone. But as everyone has said don't call it trying, call it having fun!!!!

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I know how hard it is. I have lost a child, and also had a M/C at 10 weeks and a Chemical PG about 6 months ago. EACH loss is a LOSS and it takes time to heal and time to grieve. You will see as time passes the pain is not as raw and you will feel better. It may not seem like it now, but it will get easier with time.

I hope you find the strength to TTC again soon and dont let worry take over.

Although that too is normal. I dont think if I ever do get PG again, I will be ok and feel secure until my baby is in my arms. Its sad to think of having to worry the entire time, but natural because of what we have had to face.

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I had a D&C on March 3 and the worst 2 monthsof my life came after- the non-stop crying, the questioning, the fear of getting pregnant again and going through all that again was absolutely awful.

And then I found out I was pregnant again on May 3rd, exactly two month later and its been so much better. Don't get me wrong- I am still terrified and mourn the loss of the first baby but its been so much better.

This time will pass- its just really hard

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

No advice but

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I had a m/c in July, a blighted ovum as well. I m/d'd naturally the day after we had a sono and an internal. It was awful, the worst weeks of our lives. I still mourn the loss of my 1st child.

You are not wrong by wanting try again and not wait. I was told to wait 2 cycles, but I did get it out of my dr the waiting period was not for physical healing, but more for emotional healing. I m/c'd naturally so it might be different for a D&C.

DH and I just threw caution to the wind, and I started charting, we conceived immediately after my m/c without an AF. I was scared to death I would lose this one too.

THe ingnorant bliss of conceiving, being pregnant than having a baby are gone. I worried about my daughter the whole 9 months I carried her, and I didn't really bond with my pg until the 3rd trimester for fear I could lose her at anytime. It's awful.

Just make sure you and DH are truly ready for the ups and downs of TTC before you try again. We were blown away we conceived so quickly, and we are blessed to have our daughter here with us.

Soo sorry for your loss It will get better, I promise

FM me if you need to talk

Re: Questions about miscarriage......... Sorry a bit long....

I want to thank all you ladies who replied and shared... I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of the kind words and support. I am so sorry for all of you who have also lost a child. And congrats to you who have conceived or had another one. It helps to know you're not alone out there and that what I'm feeling is "normal". I hope SOON I can tell you all that we have been successful and are too having another baby! I also want to wish you all who are TTC the best of luck and

Thanks!!

Sorry had to change the pic DH got mad his pic was up there!!

Message edited 6/12/2006 5:54:06 PM.