I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

Sure, the sleepless nights are catching up to me and the rigors of breastfeeding are a little demanding but I'm able to handle all of that. I just wasn't prepared for how much I love him and how scared I am that something is going to happen to him. My mother lost a son @ 3 months old to SIDS before me in 1966 and I can't stop thinking about that. Joseph choked on me yesterday and stopped breathing for a second and I lost it. That's what caused us to go to the dr and have him diagnose him with Reflux.

But, is this post pardom depression or what? I can't stop thinking I'm going to lose him. It's SO incredibly morbid - DH thinks I'm crazy and really doesn't want to hear it - I can't talk to my mother for obvious reasons. I don't know- is this emotionalness normal now? Why can't I stop worrying???

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

I went through the same thing for a little while after Jack was born. Literally thinking at each nap and each night, please wake up after this nap! But eventually the fears subside as you get more comforable in your new role, at least it did for me. So hang in there and just do the best things for your baby and he will be just fine!

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

I know what your going through my aunt had lost a son at 6 months to menengitis (sp?) and it was hard for her since I was 3 months old at the time but I have spoken to her about it and I have gotten nervous and scared when marissa got sick with high fevers over the summer and I constantly call to check on her even though she is with FH its not the same. I want to be there with her but for right now we both have to work but sooner or later I will be a SAHM and still be a worry wort

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

I know completely what you are going thru- bryan had a choking episode the other day that made us have to go to the Emergency room and stay overnight- it was so scary becuase I thought I was losing him- he started passing out from the vomiting and choking- turns out he has bad reflux . I fear SIDS sooo much tooo that I cant have him in another room because I need to check if he is breathing constantly. I worry like crazy and its so much more intense then I ever thought it would be because I love him soo much and dont think that I could get over it if something happenend to him. I have been consumed by worry since the day he was born. I dont have any advice but I know what you are going thru.

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

OMG- I feel the same way- and choose not to tell anyone..not even DH in fear he'll think Im morbid and nuts..

Im so glad to hear this is somewhat "normal"..

I find myself getting up every half an hour to make sure he's breathing...and have such a hard time leaving the house without him...

Its such a scary thing, this love is just so strong, and you just cant picture your life without them!!!

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

I feel the same way. But i have always been extra paranoid. So I knew I had to get the Angel Care Monitor. It sends out an alarm if baby stops moving for 10 seconds. Can't sleep without it!

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

I had this with my son (first child) in a BIG way. I think it is post partum depression, to be honest. Anxiety and feelings about loss of control are normal in PPD I think. I developed PPD when my son was about 5 months old - it's also normal not to develop the condition immediately following the baby's birth.

Now with my daughter, I still worry about her all the time...but, it's definitely not as severe as it was w/my son. I don't know if it's just experience or what. I am sad to admit this, but I sometimes feel like I'm waiting for a shoe to drop or something...OH GOD, how awful does THAT sound???

Anyway, I think your fears are normal - but if you find that they are preventing you from carrying on w/life, then maybe you should just mention it to your doctor, and see what he/she says. Becoming a Mom - whether it's for the first, second, third or fourth, etc. time is never easy. It's a HUGE responsibility.

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

I thought I was the only one. Everynight I pray he does not die! He is so precious and I worry...

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

Thanks girls.... It's hard - I'm relieved to know it's not just morbid me.

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

Totally normal!!!!

This is exactly why I had Damien co-sleep with us for his first year. I slept much better

I still have anxiety attacks once in awhile, especially if Steve and Damien go in the car without me. I always feel like my whole life is in the car and if anything happened....

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

I think its totally normal, and I really don't think it would fall under the category of post pardom depression. Like princessmaris said, this love we have is so strong, these babies are a part of us, an extension of us, so to think that anything could happen to these little babies that we nurture is heartbreaking. I too, have thoughts like this, that I don't share with anyone either. It scares me so much to think that something could possibly happen to them.

Re: I didn't know it was going to be this hard...

It'll get better, the first few months are the hardest!