LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

My MIL is honestly not that bad. I could have done a lot worse. The problem is that she is so wrapped up in herself and her children that she has no perspective about anyone else's life. She is so concerned with how much her kids call her and how much time they spend with her.

For example, my 31 year old SIL is currently seriously dating someone, and MIL complains that she now doesn't see her daughter enough. Meanwhile, before this, she was always on her case about dating someone and getting married. She's also upset that all her kids have plans together for the 4th of July and she doesn't, yet in the past, we have NEVER spend july 4th with her.

I realize that a big part of the problem is that my MIL has not had a job in years, and does not have much of a social life, so she has little else to think about besides her grown children. I also think she suffers from mild depression and a great deal of anxiety.

It gets very frustrating when we're planning something like father's day and she compares how much time we spent with them vs. how much time we spent with my family on mother's day, like it's some competition (there was a difference of 1 hour). She doesn't seem to realize or appreciate how much time and energy DH and I spend running between Staten Island and LI trying to please both families. All that's important is how much time her kids spend with HER.

Thanks for listening!

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

it's so frustrating. It makes them seem like big babies, doesn't it? This is a big problem with my FMIL. She really analyzes how much time we spend with her, gets really mad whenw e don't spend enough, and yet she doens't realize that every time we try we can't because she's upstate visiting her daughter, or her daugher is down here visiting her. There's no time for us. And yet she wants us to be like her daighter and spend every free moment with her. That's ridiculous!! His mom compares how much time we spend with my mom with how much time we spend with her, saying FH loves my mom more than he loves her, and he thinks my mom's his mother, blah blah blah. Then again, my FMIL is seriously disturbed.

Oh yeah, and she also gets upset that she can't spent time alone with her son because I'm always around. HELLO! I'm going to be his wife.

ok sorry I hijacked and ranted, but what I meant to say was I feel your pain. I think it's jewish mother syndrome though (to be completely stereotypical)...

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

That sounds JUST LIKE my MIL!!! She dosent work.. hasnt in 30 years!! and all she cares about is her 3 grown children and now grandson.

Shes quick to say move out, its time to stand on your own 2 feet etc. etc. but the second DH moved out she called 2 or 3 times a day and had a fit when he didnt come over to see her EVERY DAY ETA its been two years now and she still gets mad if she dosent see him and her grandson at least 3 or 4 times a week!!!!

Then DH's 30 year old sister... all she used to say is when are you going to get married and move out. Now that she is getting married and moving out my MIL is calling her every night by midnight saying when are you coming home its late. she is 30 years old!!!

We have always tried to split up the holidays.. but it never works!! I really feel for you b/c we can't even manage and our moms live only 1 MILE apart from eachother!!!!

We always wind up spending more holidays with her then with my mom and the holidays we DO split you cant even compare the amount of time we spend with my mom with the amount we spend with his!!! Its crazy!!
One time we decided to spend a holiday with my mom and NOT come over her house after.. OMG it was a HUGE fight!!!!!!!!
But its ok when she sees us for a holiday and my mom dosent get to see us at all!!!

It is IMPOSSIBLE!!! usually she dosen't make a "big deal" over the smaller holidays like 4th of July but if 2 out of 3 siblings will be over for that holiday the 3rd one is DEFINITLY going to hear about it

Sorry I made my own vent on your vent!!!! But as you can see I can definitly relate

Message edited 6/16/2005 12:55:47 AM.

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

Do we have the SAME MIL?!? I could have written your post.

I think it's just a selfish thing and the fact that they have too much time on their hands. My MIL works, part time, though.

There isnt anything you can do except try to keep the peace. I complain to DH a little, but I try not to complain too much because it IS his Mom... I mean, she is crazy and selfish and rude but what can I do? He's her son.

Hang in there, I hope Father's Day goes well. Don't worry about 4th of July...keep your plans. Good luck.

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

Message edited 5/21/2006 12:54:49 AM.

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

I can relate, my ILs are in SI and my family is in Bethpage and it is so hard to balance both. Especially when we try to split holidays, I always wind up feeling so sad that I am missing out on time with my family.

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

sorry jax!!! i can definetly relate - my fmil likes to complain and not make any suggestions as to how things could be done easier. she likes to play the martyr and it gets real old, real fast.

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

Jackie you've heard all the stories about mine. I feel for you Ive been there

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

All of your MILs sound like my mom! I love my mom, I really do but she has had a really hard time letting go of me (I'm an only child). She's put a lot of pressure on us about spending time, nosing in on how we are fixing up our house and has been really critical! I know how you feel! But it must be harder when its your MIL than your own mom!

Re: LONG VENT - Does anyone else have a MIL who is totally self-absorbed?

No, Jackie. My MIL is an absolute DREAM.



I just love how she refuses help and cries poverty whenever one of her children is in need, but goes on FOUR VACATIONS IN 10 MONTHS (Bahamas, Vegas, Miami, and New Orleans).

And then when she cried poverty with the wedding and then went out and bought a $500 dress (MORE THAN MINE COST) with the excuse "Well, you had to do yours on a budget and I only get a dress like this once a decade".

Oh, and the whole LAST MINUTE NOTICE for family gatherings? Love That.

I think everyone should have MILs as wonderful as ours, Jax.