Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

So I have a few questions for the married folk on the boards..Some of this is in regard to b4 u were married and then finally when u met the person u wanted to devote ur life too..

Do you think that there are some women/men who are good enough to f*ck and then there are the men/woman that you actually marry?... (pardon my language lol)

As you got older and dated more did you find urself looking for very different qualities in a SO then b4. Its not all about looks or how HOT the person is?..but like deep ingrained qualities that really matter in life??

Is part of why you love your SO cause they care about you?? and treat YOU good? and love you..is it ok to care for someone because THEY CARE for you, and want to make you happy?....

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

Well I thought Dh was so-so when I met him, turned out by the 3rd date I thought he was hot..so I dont know what happened but was weird for me...

Also, I do love him more because he loves and cares so much for me, I love him for his own qualities but also for what he gives to ME.

In the past I was always instantly attracted and kinda instantly " In Love" to guys....With DH is grew on me, and I thought that was wrong, and it couldnt really be RIGHT...was just stupid thinking on my part because of the past.

I was 25 when I met Dh and do feel I was looking at relationships differently...but not in a huge different way, just slightly...

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

Yes there are def men that are just good enough to f*ck, b/c thats all they are good for- no personality etc. - just a booty call which most times wind up being an ex!

then there are the ones you could def marry but YOU have to be ready for it-

I dated someone for 7 yrs, and I would have married him but Im glad we broke up- I would have been settling and he was the BEST too- we just grew apart. we started dating at age 18) He is def good husband material but after we broke up I realized he wasnt for ME. My taste had completely changed.

As I got older and dated lots of morons yup I did def look for different kind of person to be my husband. He still had to be good looking- I still need that woo, def great personality, yada yada, but the main thing I was looking for was HOW he treated me and just how GOOD he was to me. I dated a lot of guys who were all about them. I finally broke the pattern- I started dating younger guys- not knowing though- they looked older. but how wise and different they are than men my age. I was also looking for a good father figure, that was important too as I dated. when I met my DH he was 24 and I was 30- I was EXTREMELY skeptical but there was this overwhelming attraction the more and more I got to know him. And believe it or not he was very mature not your usual 24 yr olds just looking for a good time, especially with an older chick!
Im not sure what you mean by is it ok to care for someone b/c they care for you- almost sounds like settling. Its a strange feeling that comes over you when you find the "one". Its a little hard to explain- you experience all of the "new " feeling when you meet someone and are attracted to them but its different. I hope this helps.

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

awesome answer girls.. i def am just looking for opinions so its really interesting to hear ur stories.. thank you!!!

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

Posted by muchinluvmichi

awesome answer girls.. i def am just looking for opinions so its really interesting to hear ur stories.. thank you!!!

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

When I was younger, I wanted Mr. Abercrombie. Some hot guy that would take my breath away. Then I started going with guys who were using me. Then I met DH at a time when I wasn't looking. At first, we just had fun together. Then it became a caring relationship, about respect and love. Now, we are growing together and I think that is the hottest thing. We are married and are experiencing things, good and bad, together and as a team. We have so much more because we are older and look for different things than our younger selves. He still is the hottest thing since sliced bread, but not in just his looks. It is about his fight, for me, for life, for what's right. His dedication to US, and to our marriage. His strength and maturity and then, his lack of it that makes me laugh. He is just a good guy whose heart I couldn't bare to break. He will fight for me and not sit back. I can appreciate that quality in him.

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

thanks i kno my q's r a mouthful so i really appreciate u all answering, keep um coming pple

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

Do you think that there are some women/men who are good enough to f*ck and then there are the men/woman that you actually marry?...

To some extent, but I was never one for the random sex. My BIL is hooking up with this girl he met at a bar and went home with after one night. My DH was talking to him about it and said, "You know you would never want to date her--if she did that with you you know she was like that with tons of other guys!" There are the type of girls guys want just to hook up, and those to date and marry. I never used guys just for hooking up.

As you got older and dated more did you find urself looking for very different qualities in a SO then b4. Its not all about looks or how HOT the person is?..but like deep ingrained qualities that really matter in life??

I met DH when I was 21, two months out of college, so I wasn't looking for marriage material. He was (and is) definitely hot, but if he didn't have substance I wouldn't have agreed to go out with him even once. But I think settling for someone you do not think is hot is settling. We all have different opinions of hot, and someone can definitely become hotter in my eyes as I get to know them, but he must be hot to you if you plan to spend the rest of your life with him.

Is part of why you love your SO cause they care about you?? and treat YOU good? and love you..is it ok to care for someone because THEY CARE for you, and want to make you happy?....

I think this gets into a gray area. Is it OK to love someone because they care for you? I see some people my age, in their 20s, who are dating much older men because they can provide much more for them, and care for them. But that's a different kind of relationship IMO. The man takes on almost a paternal role. My DH and are equal because we are at the same stage in life, and are having all our firsts together--first home, first children sometime in the future.

Of course I love DH because he loves me, but that is just one of many reasons. I love who I am when I am with him. We are polar opposites in many ways, but like oil and vinegar, when mixed together create something even better than the two of us alone. I didn't envision myself with someone like DH, but we work well together.

Re: Relationship Q's Im coming to the "experts":-)

What an interesting question!

I have never been about sleeping with people so its hard for me to answer that one. I was one who was always more for the "long relationships" for one reason or another. Although, I have dated guys who for lack of better words..cared about me less than I would have liked but they were cute so I dated them. That was when I was much younger and I didnt think I needed to look for much more.

When I first started "talking" to my dh, he was much different than any other guy I had ever dated. Even though I found him to be gorgeous, he wasnt the typical "drop dead gorgeous guy"...but to me...he was. Then as I got to know him, he turned into this person who loved me like no one else had ever loved me before. He cared about EVERYTHING I did and said and put me on a pedestal so high that he literally spoiled me. I personally couldnt believe I was falling in love so much with this guy who "wasnt my type"...he wasnt into sports, he'd rather spend hours working on the house than watching tv with me, and he didnt know all the celebrity gossip that I loved to bs about all the time. But at the same time, I couldnt believe that there was a man out there who would do absolutely anything for anyone, give his shirt off of his back to anyone that needed it, who put himself last in each and every situation that ever arised, who gave me the world and made me feel like a princess. I fell in love with the wonderful human being he was and the wonderful human being he made me believe that I was.

Dont get me wrong...we fight like crazy..its just who we are. We are always going at it but in a split second we will be the best of friends again. I think as you get older, you realize the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with is the one who will hold your head over the toilet bowl when your throwing up, the one who will stand next to you at your stepfathers funeral and cry with you, the one who tells you that you are going to be a wonderful mother to their children, the one who will watch sex and the city reruns until he knows each and every character better than you just because you like the show, the one who loves you for you...not the person they want you to be but the person who you truly are.

In the end, it all comes down to pure unconditional love. Yes I do love my dh because he cares for me but thats not the only reason I love him. I love him because of how much I care for him. I cant imagine caring for someone else like that ever again in my life. We want the same things out of life, we have the same goals and dreams and our plan is to try to conquer them together and even if we dont or cant...we have each other and thats all that matters.