I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

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A WEEK AT THE GYM:

ONE MAN'S STORY...

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong
with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get
into
a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary:

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a
week
of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am
still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25yrs,
ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer
named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. Old aerobics instructor
and
model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club
encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well
worth it, when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting
for
me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing
eyes and a dazzling white smile.

Woo Hoo!!!!!

She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed
that
my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in
her
Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which
she
conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although
my
gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was
around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!



TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air,
and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's Rewarding smile made
it
all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.



WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda
was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other
club
members.

Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she
scolds she gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying. My chest
hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair
monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would
help
me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.



THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help
being thirty minutes late; it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking,
I
ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, and, as
punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.



FRIDAY:

I hate that ***** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
other human being in the history of the world! Stupid, skinny, anemic
little cheerleading *****. If there were a part of my body I could
move
without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me
to
work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!

And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me the*&%#(#&**
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill
flung me off and I landed on a health teacher. Why couldn't it have
been
someone softer, like the choir director?



SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly
voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me
want to smash the phone recorder. However, I lacked the strength to
even
use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the
Weather Channel.



SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go
and
thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my
wife will choose a gift for me that is fun --like a root canal or a
vasectomy.

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

That is hysterical!

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

OMG, too funny!!

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

i am glad you guys enjoyed it!

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

Re: I got this in the e-mail today I hope you enjoy it!

well now I know what not to get DH for his b'day next week