Dear Neighbor,

I find it RUDE and DISGUSTING that I have to clean up your garbage off my front lawn every day. If I have to pick up one more piece, I may shove it down your throat.

Also, your savy decor HAS TO GO. It's neither fashionable NOR healthy to have egg dripping down your window from three months ago when one of your kids' friends egged the house. Letting the lawn grow to calf-length is very tacky. I know you don't own the house, and that your family is dysfunctional, but that doesn't mean you should let your home just take a dump. I'm tired of paying 8k a year in taxes and looking out my window to see this...

If I had another hour, I'd add to this letter...

Sincerely,

FUMING.