x-post - Am I wrong?

I have to vent about a friend. She's a GOOD friend of mine but sometimes she just doesn't understand the rules of social etiquette.

I know I've mentioned this before, but my father is very sick. He has been a diabetic for over 40 years, and about 5 years ago he went into kidney failure and was put on dialysis. Dialysis takes its toll and as a result he has had several heart attacks. Because of this, and his age, it's still questionable whether or not he qualifies for the transplant list and whether or not he'll survive surgery. His prospects are not good and I can't even think about what that means for him in the next few years. Needless to say, this issue has consumed my life for the past year or so as my father has been in and out of the hospital every few weeks. I'm extremely distraught and depressed over it, to the point where it has caused problems in my relationship. My "friend" knows all this, and knows that this is a very pressing issue for me right now...

And yet, she continues to send me emails and calls me in a frantic about her boyfriend's father, who has diabetes and will be placed on dialysis imminently, conveying it to me in a manner that makes it seem like this is the end of the world. She has even confessed to me that it's so important because if his father gets sick, it will interfere with their joyous plans to eventually get engaged and she doesn't want anything interrupting their wonderful time together.

I'm so ticked. I feel like she should have the sensitivity to know that crying to me about her boyfriend's father's health condition, that isn't that severe in the least bit, is really insensitive to my situation... she just sent me another 3 page email about his father and her extreme concerns over it and I'm so tempted to write her back and say, um, why am I supposed to care about this? I know it's harsh, but that's how I feel

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I know how you feel.

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

Oblivious, self-centered people are SO annoying




Prayers for you and your dad

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I can soooooooooooooooooooo relate

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I posted my answer on parenting

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

just say to her

listen, friend TBN, i know you are going through a rough time but i dont think i am the appropriate person to discuss this with. as horrible as i feel about your sutation, you need to understand that i am going through this with my own father...and its painful that you do not recognize that its a sore subjectwith me..

i love you to death, but please be a little more sensitive about these issues when bringing it up to me

or something like that

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

You are most certainly not wrong. Sometimes people cant see how selfish they are.

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I think you need to talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. Sometimes people don't realize how they are coming off, others are just plain insensitive.

I'm sorry about your father and hope for nothing but the best.

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I lost both of my parents in a short amount of time to cancer. I can't begin to tell you about some of the insensitive crap people said to me at the time (including one run-in where I actually saw jaws drop on other bystanders.)

As sad as it is, when you go through things like this in life, you find out not only who your real friends are, but also how much sensitivity people have. It would be one thing if she were an aquaintence and didn't know your situation. She does know and is too wrapped up in herself to care. I think my solution to this is just to simply say, "I'm sorry - this must be difficult for you, but right now, it upsets me too much to talk about your boyfriends dad because it affects my ability to deal with my own situation." After that, I would just refuse to talk to her about it. There may be a point in the future where you two can talk about it, but right now you have to worry about self preservation and being there for your dad.

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

She might be comparing her FFIL to your Dad in an effort to comfort you. Like she now has an idea of what you are going through, kwim?

Or maybe after hearing you talk about your Dad's health, she knows how serious diabetes can get and is freaking out at the thought of having to deal with it herself.

Not that any of those reactions is appropriate- they are just ideas.

As for her FFIL's health interfering with their happily ever after- she needs to grow up. What a selfish thing to say. Besides- has it occured to her that a wedding will give him something to look forward to? Something to keep his spirits up?


for you.

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I answered on the parenting board

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

Posted by baghag

She might be comparing her FFIL to your Dad in an effort to comfort you. Like she now has an idea of what you are going through, kwim?

Or maybe after hearing you talk about your Dad's health, she knows how serious diabetes can get and is freaking out at the thought of having to deal with it herself.

Not that any of those reactions is appropriate- they are just ideas.

for you.

Message edited 9/22/2006 12:19:15 PM.