maybemommy10
Big Brothers to Be !
Member since 2/10 3868 total posts
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UPDATE 11/4/10
So I have decided to start an IVF journal, here, it will be a great outlet for me and because past journals posted here have helped me so much. If I can help one woman be a little less scared, a little more informed, feel a little bit less alone then at least something positive comes out of this journey, win or lose.
Our background:
Me: Mid 30’s
Him: Mid 30’s
DX: Unexplained, All our numbers are great, pft. 
Tried au natural for close to 2 years.
Doctor: Dr. B / American Fertility
6 Medicated- 4 IUIs (2 Injectibles) Cycles all BFN!!
ANDDDDD so it begins !!
IVF June 2010:
6/12/10: CD 2 Blood/Sono -Start BCP's (3 weeks)
6/23/10: Mock transfer and sonohyst (ouchie) but all ok!
7/3/10: Last BCP, BW and Sono. BCP didn't work, still have eggs, wait and see (so po'd)
7/10/10: BW and Sono..follie is 23mm! Unfreakinbelievable, i dont even make those kind of eggs on drugs. Take HCG shot and prays it drops!
7/14/10: BW and Sono. Follie from $ell no longer there! Start Lupron tonight.
7/24/10: Lupron Bleed! FINALLY! I nearly cried i was so relieved. Made an apt. with Dr. B for Monday. Please let the rest of this cycle go according to plan 
7/26/10: Thank You Lord! I was given the green light to start IVF, finally. I still will take lupron (stepdown to 5ml) for a few days, then add in ganerilex, then start the stims next week.
5ml Lupron- am
Baby asprin
Prenatal
Anddddd world's longest IVF cycle continues...sigh
7/30/10: No More LUPRON! Thank God, that stuff made me EVIL....
25ml ganirelix- am
Baby Asprin
Prenatal
"I don’t want a mediocre child" This is what I told DH last night. I said after ALL of this I think I deserve the best of the best, no C minus child for me. I am determined to give birth to the first female president.
8/2/10: After 15 days of BC, 16 days of Lupron, and 4 days of Ganirelix, i am finally ready to start stims tonight!! When Linda called to tell me to start, I replied REALLY??!!? As if she had just asked me to fly to the moon. I really expected to be delayed again.
Luveris .5
Lovenox 40mg
Follistim Pen 300 units
Ganirelix 25 units
8/6/10: B/W and sono 3 on the right and 4 on the left that measured 15m+, then 2 or 3 on each side 5-6mm and then a few tiny ones floating around. Stop Lovenox. Start cipro Sunday. See Dr. B Monday (Day 7 of stim)
8/9: B/W and sono, around 20 follies , none mature yet, but all growing evenly and Dr. B says thats what counts.
Drop down to 225 units of follistim. Go back Wed.
8/11/10: B/W and sono, follies are maturing nicely, Dr. B said we are doing ER Friday !!!! YAY! Excited, nervous, scared and wanna throw up all at the same time. 
8/13/10: ER... 12 follies, 9 mature, 7 fertilized using ICSI
8/16/10: Day 3 transfer
Transferring 3 8 cell grade 1 and 2
Fertilization Report 4, 8 cell grade A
1, 10 cell grade 1.5
and 2, 6 cell grade 1
8/16/10: Transfer cxled due to OHSS, taking meds to have swelling go down. I was devastated. The Doctor said there was way too much fluid surrounding my ovaries, this is yet another setback, im trying to stay positive but its getting increasingly difficult. I really just want this over now.
I really appreciate all of the FMs and posts, you ladies are amazing and i wish every single one of us, our BFPs.
Ugh, im sitting there in the or room with my feet in the stir ups, chit chatting with the embryologist and DH about my "beautiful embies" (I have a pic of them ) Happy as a clam. Dr. V comes in takes one look at my tummy and shakes his head. I felt a little bloated and pressure but I thought it was all par for the course, he did a sono and then called my doc when he came back in the room he started blabbering away I stop him mid sentence AM I HAVING THE TRANSFER OR NOTTTTTTTTT, he says no, I just throw my hands over my face, devastated, totally defeated. First I miss an IUI cycle because of miscommunication, then I Ovulate OVER the damn BCPs and now I hyperstim, this has been the IVF cycle from hell and it started in JUNE. How much am I suppose to take. Are you freaking kidding me. Im not sad, I AM $ISSED THE %UC* OFF.
He put me on meds (cabergoline) to help with the fluids and swelling, I go to see Dr. B tomorrow. I am hoping we can still do a 5 day transfer, but realistically I know we may have to freeze. Just give me my damn embies ill put them back in myself !!!!!!!
I want the roller coaster to stop, I want to get off. I need a break.
Thanks for the prayers and hugs ladies.
8/18/10: Good news, i didn't have to kill anyone today :) We went thru with the transfer (day 5), we transferred two beautiful blast. The embryologist, Ana (who by the way we love love love) said it looks like we will have 2 really good blast to freeze. The Dr. seemed 2 hesitate for a second and kept running the sono over my stomach, i said if you dont want to do the transfer thats fine, ill do it myself :))) She obliged.....So now we wait, fun fun fun, i go for beta next Thur.
7pm: Doctor B calls me at home to just check in on me....im so thankful i have him in my corner.
I am going to go eat my pineapple core now lol
8/23/10: i feel waves of complete panic out of nowhere, it is so bizzare. i just want the waiting to be over. its the worst part. i can deal with anything. negative or positive, whatever, JUST let me know so i can move on 2 the next step. i HATE this.
8/26/10: Beta came back at a 12.
 I have to go back on Saturday for a repeat data. Dr. B said i have a 50/50 shot Has anyone had such a low beta # (i am 8dp5dt)and gone on to have a successful pregnancy? I don't know how to feel right now
8/27/10: Spotting starts, then goes into full blown period.
8/28/10: Dr. B meeting, its a chemical, going to go for immune testing. We have to wait a cycle before i can start a FET. I have 2 good quality embies on ice and im praying that they work. Although i can't help but think if a picture perfect fresh cycle was a bust and so was 4 IUIs, why should this??
8/30/10: Beta went from 12 to 7....i am still bleeding and cramping a lot, i thought by now it would be 0, ugh i can't even miscarry right. Beyond frustrating. Went for immune testing w/ Dr. B and now off to Quest for HLA and anti heprain testing. My entire life revolves around doctor and lab appointments. So sick of it ALL.
I never thought i would be on year THREE and still no babies. 
9/7/10: Immune testing comes back, elevated NK cells. Treatable with intralipids. Oh joy, the fun just never ends.
9/23/10: CD1. Finally, begin my "natural FET"
9/27/10: Start Viagra Suppositories
Vitamin E
Pre Natal
Baby Asprin
Fish Oil
(so much for natural)
Accupunture 1x week
10/2/10: B/W and sono. 12mm follie and a few small, Dr. B estimates ovulation mid week. Stop viagra, restart monday.
10/4/10: B/W and sono. 16.99 Follie, E2 170, lining at 7.2, not so great, start viagra supps tonight.
10/6/10: B/W and sono. 20mm Follie, lining at 8.8!!!! LH Surge. Everything looks good. Dr. B scheduled FET for TUESDAY!!!
Meds:
Predisone 10mg 2x a day (can we say INSOMNIA)
Cipro - 500mg 2x
Clindamycin - Vaginal at bedtime (3 days)
10/7/10: Infusion @ 7pm (Intralipids and Hydration)
10/12/10: Both embies survived the thaw!!! Although one better than the other. Transfer went well, now we wait AGAIN.
Meds Starting 10/13/10:
Continue
Predisone 10mg 2x a day (can we say INSOMNIA)
Cipro - 500mg 2x
Begin
Lovenox 40mg - AM
Crinone 8% - AM
E2V2 with P4-E2V/PROG - Vaginal at bedtime
Vitamin E
Fish Oil
Prenatal
Baby Asprin
So in case you are taking a count, per day, we are up to 10 pills a day, 1 shot, 2 suppositories and a partridge and a pear tree....
Oh yeah, did i mention this was a NATURAL FET PFT.
10/20/10: beta day! Up since 5am. It's like the night before xmas only without santa and the tree;) I pray there is a present for me today...
I AM PREGNAN!!!!!! Beta came back @ 80 !!! Dr. B thinks this is a good solid # and i go back Friday for a repeat to see if it doubles!!!!! I AM BEYOND SHOCKED !!!!!!!!!! I can't thank you ladies enough for all your support, and now i need MORE prayers, PLEASE let this stick!!!
10/22/10: *biting nails*
If any countries are looking for new and improved ways to torture prisoners of war, I would highly recommend BETA testing!!! Seriously this is the WORST. It seems like there is never a point where you can stop, breath and enjoy, because there is always something to worry about. I will know by today at 3…I am only hoping I have fingers left by then!
10/22/10: Dr. Just called, beta didnt go up (from 80 to 84) I am devastated. And stuck at work
10/23/10: beta down to 63. Confirmed chemical pregnancy.
Not sure where to go from here.
10/28/10: Beta came back at 414. Dr. B says it is 100% NOT a viable pregnancy and is suspecting an Ectopic I am going tomorrow morning for a sono and more b/w to discuss my "options" I am really scared and can't believe all of this is happening.
10/29/10: Beta came back at 740, sono showed NO sac, yolk, nada. Dr. B couldn't "find" anything anywhere. He seemed REALLY concerned and scheduled an emergency laparoscopy and D&C with Dr. Pilleteri @ Good Sam on Monday morning. I am scared out of my mind. He keeps asking me if i am in any pain, and keeps repeating if i feel anything i should go to the hospital ASAP. This just keeps getting worse and worse, its like a nightmare that i cant wake up from. How many days do you think i will need off from work? I know this sounds horrible, but this weekend is my wedding anniversary, I have been looking fwd to this for some time now and i thought since going thru this %hit for over a year this was OUR weekend for us, i am so MAD right now. I can never take a break from IF  
11/1/10: Before my lap i am scheduled for a sono with Dr. B to see one last time if he can "locate" the embryo. The embryo that was suppose to be in my tube. Guess what, minutes before scheduled D&C, Dr. B finds a SAC!!! in my Uterus and NOT in a tube. Dr. B "thinks" he sees a sac and orders a beta, all the while insisting the pregancy is NOT viable ...so we do NOT go to the hospital, instead we wait for beta, Dr. B repeats over and over his opinion is it will start declining....beta comes back and more than doubles at 1700. He still says we should go for the D&C, dh and I agree, Dr. B is 100% sure it is not viable, so why should i delay the inevitable. I just want this over. So he calls Pilleteri and he refuses to do the D&C today because of the beta doubling. Dr. B says i need to go back Wednesday. It is really hard not to have some hope here. I trust Dr. B opinions, but he has been wrong before, and i am hoping against all odds he is wrong now. He said there is NO chance, not one percent, if that is true why does Dr. P refuse to do anything till Wed.? This is COMPLETE craziness?!?! It is not even 7pm, and i feel like its 2am. Today has been the most emotionally draining day i have ever had. Has anyone been thru anything similiar????
11/3/10
Dr. B told me Monday, to report to Good Sam Wednesday morning and i was already on the OR list for 9am. I asked him if he was sure this time, because i cant keep taking time off from work and then having NOTHING done. Besides the fact, that this is obviously a very emotional time and I don't feel the need to keep repeating this kind of torture. I get to Good Sam and 830 and they of course have NO record of me and im NOT on the list. I usually double and triple check everything Dr. B tells me and this is the ONE time i didn't. Yet another careless mistake that would cost ME. sigh.
After several calls to Dr. B, Dr. P agrees to see me. He sends me for some sonos and a beta. He sends a resident down to tell me its TOO soon AGAIN and to send me home. DH FLIPS out. I just cant believe this is happening again, i just want this over, Turns out Dr. P made these calls without having the "whole picture" he didn't even have my record and didn't know my betas had already gone up and down a few times. So a after another few hours and a few calls to Dr. P and Dr. B, Dr. P agrees to do the surgery AFTER he sees his patients, which would put me at 6PM. I have 2 choices, stay in the hospital another 5 hours and FINALLY for the love of christ, get this nightmare over with or go home and start over again another day. DH and I had already taken monday and wednesday off because Dr. B swore up and down that he would "take care of it" and it would be over. So i decided to stay.
My last meal was the night BEFORE at 10pm. I didn't end up going to OR till 730. Didn't get home till after 11pm. So after 24hrs of NOT eating and 10hrs in the hospital, i finally got a 10 min D&C done, which could have been done in an hour if i went to a clinic. I could have written an entire BOOK on just my wait in the ER, There werTo e 2 EDPs there. One came in in cuffs and a police escort, screaming and being combative and saying he was going to kill everyone, and of course they placed him in teh cube RIGHT next to me, so i had to hear him scream for 2 hrs!!!! Another EDP tried to escape and the entire room had to be evacuated. Then a nurse comes into my "cube" and actually congratulates me for giving birth "a few weeks ago:", i said actually im here because i am miscarrying, obviously she had the wrong patient, my DH asked her to leave and come back when she knew what patient she was talking to. I finally get moved upstairs and get to talk to Dr. P. he says he is NOT doing a Lap because there is no reason for it and he wont "cut me up for no reason" . I like Dr. P and although our time together was short, i felt totally taken care of and safe. The procedure was quick and painless and i only stayed in recovery for 30min. The nurses there were EXCELLENT, they felt so bad for me, not only because of what i was there for but because i was there all damn day.
So overall, i would say if you need a D&C (god forbid) Dr. P is the man just make sure you are on his surgery list !!!!! Not eating for 24hrs was NOT fun. On top of all the stress of what i was there for the waiting and not eating; it really put me over the edge and i got REALLY depressed. I cant tell you how many times DH and I looked at each other and said "this has got to be a %uKn joke!!!" But its over now, and i look forward to a much needed (and doctor ordered) rest. I will be starting a new IVF cycle in January with Dr. T at SIRM, This is a forced break, but in a way i am relieved, i get to be a NORMAL person for 2 months !! wooooo hooooo
Again, thank you for all the hugs and fm, i truly appreciate all the support.
Sorry this was so long and im totally rambling but i just needed to get all this out!
11/20/10
D&C results came back chromosonally normal. = Unexplained
12/10/10
Hysteroscopy and another D&C to scrap my "bumpy" uterus clean. Dr. T found 2 smallish polyps. Removed them and took some more samples for biopsy.
immune issues, polyps, and a partridge in a pear tree..
Fa la la la
Message edited 12/10/2010 5:08:13 PM.
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