Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I just had twins on Tuesday and I'm attempting to tandem bf them. 4yo DD has been really interested in what I'm doing. Today she decided to show her friends at school how babies are fed. The teacher talked to her and asked her to only do that in private and not at school. How would you guys feel about that? I worry that the message that she got was that this is unnatural. I thought it was was pretty common for older siblings to do this.

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I can see this topic hitting a nerve BUT I for one do have an issue that the teacher is sending the wrong message. I can't believe that in 2014 breastfeeding is still so stigmatized. However, I do understand that the teacher is probably treading lightly because other parents might have an issue. I am not too sure what the right approach is.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I remember that my oldest DD would pretend to breastfeed her doll after her sister was born. She was only 20 mos and I thought it was adorable!

As for your situation, I would not like that, but not enough to say something to the teacher or anything--unless it happened more than once or twice and my DD was made to feel ashamed. My son is almost 4, so I know the age and I think if this were to happen to us--particularly if he were a girl--I might say that breasts are a private thing (no one's allowed to look at them or touch them but mommy and daddy...) and even though it's normal and natural, etc, your teacher may be worried...yadda yadda. But for a "first offense" I'd downplay the whole thing. But it absolutely would NOT make me cover up while feeding my babies at home.

Congratulations!

Message edited 9/16/2014 6:57:22 PM.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I wouldn't be upset. It's just one of those things can be taken the wrong way by kids who don't know what she is doing.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I think considering teachers and adults have to be very careful working with children re accusations of things such as inappropriate touching, etc, I can understand why a teacher might not want a child pretending to lift their shirt, etc. Not sure what was actually done but considering it involves nudity to BF, I imagine your DD may have showed them she would have to put a baby under or pull down/up her shirt to BF, I can understand the teacher erring on the side of caution.

The message isn't that it's unnatural, it's that the parts of our body that are covered are meant to stay covered in school. This is the way we keep them safe, to know that certain parts of their body ARE Off limits to others seeing in a public setting/school.

Message edited 9/16/2014 7:40:57 PM.

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Uggh, that would definitely bother me. It's exactly what you said, at that age she's probably taking away a negative connotation about it in some way. Obviously with one week old twins at home nursing is a big part of all of your lives at the moment so of course she wants to talk about it. As long as she's not lifting her shirt up to demonstrate I think the teacher should have let it go. Maybe ask you to talk to her if it becomes an issue with the other kids. It's a tough situation bc obviously four year olds discussing breasts is not the norm or acceptable most of the time but in this case it's normal and natural. I can imagine the teacher was caught off guard by the situation and handled it how she thought was best in the moment. I'm not sure if I would go as far as speaking to the teacher about it but I would definitely talk to your daughter plenty to feel out what she's thinking and try to clear up any confusion she probably has.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

If she was pulling up her shirt and exposing herself, I might let it slide once. But if she was just holding the baby up to her chest, I would absolutely say something.

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

If she was lifting her shirt, I understand the teacher's response. Otherwise, I don't.

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I would be upset. She was taken aside and "shamed". That's how I would have felt as a little girl if a teacher took me aside for what I perceive to be a negative situation. I would say something. That IS how babies are fed. Your daughter learned something watching you nurse and was sharing. The teacher could have let it go and told there kids here are many ways to feed a baby and distracted them.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

As someone who is very pro-BFing and also a teacher, I can definitely see where the teacher is coming from. Teachers have enough on their plates without having to field a bunch of complaints from parents the next day who may not like their kids coming home and pretending to BF and saying they learned it in school. Hopefully she was nice about it to your daughter and can understand that your dd is just very excited about her new siblings. As long as she's not lifting her shirt, what she's teaching her friends shouldn't be considered inappropriate, because it is very natural. But sadly, you never know if some of the parents in her class might not feel the same way.

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Did you speak with the teacher to see what was said? I can't imagine getting a fully straight story out of a 4 yr old. She may have told her that lifting her shirt was private and should only be done at home, and had nothing to do with BFing.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

This is ridiculous. IMO, it is a non issue. She is demonstrating a lovely, natural thing. There should not be shame or stigma. If other parents have a problem that is their ignorance.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I personally think the teacher did the right thing.
Im a teacher. IMO She was avoiding an issue of something that isnt really an appropriate conversation to have in school with other children of that age group. The other chikdren may begin to ask questions or even demonstrate it in an inapproprate way. Then other students go home and tell their parents and those parents call the school. Happens all the time

I did not BF, Im not against breastfeeding but as a parent as well I dont want pre- school to be the place where he learns about it

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I would speak to the teacher and I would also be upset. Perhaps explain to DD that at school we can't pretend nurse because the rules at school are that children must be clothed, only mommies can nurse at school if necessary. She is free to nurse over her shirt....

I wouldn't want her thinking it's wrong to nurse, maybe just gently call attention to the school rules pertaining to children.

Frustrating.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I think it depends on what exactly she was doing - I think there is a huge difference between picking up a doll and holding it to your chest, and lifting your shirt and/or explaining the detailed logistics of breastfeeding to her 4 year old peers -

Teachers have to be SO careful about what they say, how they say it, who's going to get offended ......who the touch - it's just so much extra stress.

I understand that you don't want your daughter to think feeding a baby is something to be done in private ........but a 4 year old is not a mother feeding a baby, and while you as her mother, in the privacy of your home may think it's sweet and natural for her to imitate you.......the teacher may feel it's inappropriate in the classroom.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Thanks for all of your responses. DH was the one who spoke to the teacher so of course he didn't ask any follow-up questions so I have no idea if she was lifting up her shirt or not. If she was then I can understand the teacher telling her to keep herself covered. DD didn't mention it to me, but the teacher took a point of taking DH aside to explain what happened. I'm going to pick her up from school today so I can find out what happened exactly.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Message edited 9/17/2014 10:53:31 AM.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

I would be really pissed and I would say something to the teacher and the school.

Breastfeeding is not something that has to be kept private and if she was simply holding the doll to her shirt, then it is absolutely no different than giving a baby doll a bottle. Would she get reprimanded for that? No. So she should be able to feed her baby doll as she sees fit.

Re: Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

Kids pretending to breastfeed at school

We are mammals. The primary purpose of the breast is to feed a child. If someone realizes that at 4, I think it is a good thing! Why must a natural ,evolutionary function be seen as something sexual. This attitude is what leads to all the trouble many mothers have nursing in public. Sad.