A friend of mine with concerns about conceiving...

One of my close friends and her DH plan on conceiving but she has fears. It's perfectly normal to have fears but something tells me that she's using her fears as an excuse.

First she said she had a thyroid problem which is under control now and the doctor said she's got an open window to try and conceive. Then she tells me that she's concerned about her weight because she thinks she's really fat and that she'll have complications and get diabetes. She is a little on the heavy side but not obese. DH has a cousin that is obese and she had a healthy baby. A cousin of mine's wife is extremely obese and she had 2 healthy babies. I've told my friend all this and she still seemed skeptical, she also thinks she'll die giving birth cuz of her weight. I think it's silly of her to feel this way. Yes i'm sure there are precautions that overweight people have to take if they are PG but it shouldn't stop you from having the baby you want.

Now she has a prescription for pre-natal vitamins that she got back in like January and last I spoke to her she never got the prescription filled. I think she doesn't want to conceive at all but is thinking of doing it anyway because she doesn't want to deprive her DH the chance to be a father because he is a great guy and all. That's a wrong reason for her to get pregnant, just to please someone...

What do you ladies think?

Re: A friend of mine with concerns about conceiving...

I think that honestly she either doesn't want children OR its just not the right time for her. She may have a lot of fear about becoming a mother (very natural to have) and afraid that it will change everything...and I really do think its a fear of change. I do however agree...its a very wrong reason to get pregnant if she's doing it for her DH. She needs to be ready as well as him...and they may have a lot of talking to do if and when she admits motherhood is not for her...it will devestate her DH and cause problems I'm sure. I hope everything goes ok with them!!!

Re: A friend of mine with concerns about conceiving...

I would never tell someone what the right or wrong reason is to get pregnant. I would not do it, but that is me. Some women are hesitant to get pregnant and are the best moms. Some women are dying to get pregnant and are the worst moms. Who can say what a good reason is?

I also had a lot of fears about conceiving- and DH and I got pregnant on the first try. It is totally normal.

As far as the other issues- plenty of overweight women have healthy babies. I was not overweight, but I had gained some weight for myself in the months before I got pregnant. I did an intense fitness routine (a bootcamp) 6 weeks before I got pregnant, shed almost all the weight I wanted to. Once the course ended, I got pregnant in a few weeks. It has made the weight gaining issue easier for me.

I don't know anything about thyroids- she should talk to her doctor about that.

This is something she needs to decide. If I were you I would let her know that you are always available to talk to and will support her no matter what. Sometimes you can just listen to her without giving her advice . Maybe that's what she needs.

Message edited 2/24/2006 10:41:20 AM.

Re: A friend of mine with concerns about conceiving...

I'm always there for her and I try to reassure her fears about her thyroid and her weight. I don't even think she is that huge.

DH and I think she doesn't want to get pregnant. This one time she had briefly bought up adoption in a conversation because she said if her thyroid problem did not improve that it would cause problems in her conceiving.

I think she needs to have an honest talk with her DH if she has doubts on having a baby. He will be disappointed no doubt but he's also a very understanding person as long as she's honest with him.