A little PSA

This board has been around for about two and half years and I've been here since the beginning.
I've seen many women come and go from this board. Thankfully, most of them who have left are graduates.

Some have left because they couldn't deal with watching others graduate and some have left because they were no longer able to pursue their dream of having a child.

There are also a ton of lurkers, which I learned firsthand when I posted about my positive beta.

For the most part, we all try to help each other..but honestly, it gets frustrating when you try to give people information and advice to help them with their journey and they get offended.

I've seen it quite a few times over the past few years and I think it's sad that there are people who won't take advice, but rather get offended.

We all try to help and support each other here. I find it sad that women who are trying to acheive the same goal can't just take advice without getting offended. Maybe sometimes, it would help to try and look at things from another side before gettng upset.

Re: A little PSA

Re: A little PSA

Re: A little PSA

Re: A little PSA

what did I miss??

Re: A little PSA

I never ever ever could have made it without this board and the people who helped me through....

and yet sometimes I was told things I didnt want to neccesarily hear at the time, yet no-one ever said anything out of anger or mean spiritedness, only to help me.

Re: A little PSA

ITTTTTTTTT.....A!!! Because my knowledge is somewhat "specialized" I FM with people all the time spend a LOT of time with them and they decide my advice is not what they want to hear

Re: A little PSA

So true - some of my closest friends IRL are on this board yet I never post pics of DD - I FM them privately that I have posted a pic on parenting IF they want to look.

I used to come on here more often and offer advice and support, but found it was often not appreciated or worse, felt like I was written off.

After all the research so many of us have done on our own and through other resources, it is a shame. I hope this board can return to the the informative and supportive site it has always been for me and for so many others.

Re: A little PSA

This board has lifted my spirits, brought me to tears, and has given me so much information that I can't even imagine what I would have done without it.

I hope that the graduates and veterans stick around, although I see many of the vets don't post nearly as much as they did a year and a half ago when I first started posting. Your advice was always well-received and taken into consideration. You explained things to me when I had no idea what they were, you gave me real world experiences, something these doctors could never explain, and you were a shoulder for me to cry on, always...and I certainly did a lot of crying.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you. From the bottom of my heart. And I hope we all get that BFP that we're waiting for...and for those graduates who still come around, thank you. You are an inspiration.

Re: A little PSA

Re: A little PSA

I haven't been posting on this board for too long. Although I have been TTC for over a year, I had been a lurker for quite some time, but even while lurking I learned how important this board is and how knowledgeable and supportive the women here are.
Since I have started treatments, I have been posting pretty regularly, and honestly, I don't know how I would be getting through the IF struggle without this board. I am so thankful for this board and the amazing women who post on it.

Re: A little PSA

Posted by dm24angel

I think that for me anyway, I Was starting to feel unwanted in a way.

Im not one to sugarcoat, so I will say it...I DO think I know more about certain things IF related b/c I spent a good 2 yrs researching it to no end.

But sometimes when I posted, I was getting a " your a know it all" response. a simple thanks would have been enough. No -one needs to take others opinions, but I know thats why I usually stick to posting on support posts and not the medical ones now....

I think for the Vets, it must be soooo hard to still be here watching newbies come and go and my heart breaks for them

Re: A little PSA

Posted by LaurenExp

This board has lifted my spirits, brought me to tears, and has given me so much information that I can't even imagine what I would have done without it.

I hope that the graduates and veterans stick around, although I see many of the vets don't post nearly as much as they did a year and a half ago when I first started posting. Your advice was always well-received and taken into consideration. You explained things to me when I had no idea what they were, you gave me real world experiences, something these doctors could never explain, and you were a shoulder for me to cry on, always...and I certainly did a lot of crying.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you. From the bottom of my heart. And I hope we all get that BFP that we're waiting for...and for those graduates who still come around, thank you. You are an inspiration.

Re: A little PSA

OMG...how could anyone be OFFENDED?? I don't think I would have acted as quickly as I did, and may not have my son sitting in front of me today had I not listened to the advice of the women on this board!!!!!! Between Lauren, Melissa and a few others they got me to get my butt moving, and I'll be forever grateful. I think this board is the saddest yet most wonderful place to be. I check on you girls often, hoping to see more graduates every day.

ANyway, I send many many thanks this direction, and hope others take the information into consideration.

Re: A little PSA

Posted by CAT215

Posted by LaurenExp

This board has lifted my spirits, brought me to tears, and has given me so much information that I can't even imagine what I would have done without it.

I hope that the graduates and veterans stick around, although I see many of the vets don't post nearly as much as they did a year and a half ago when I first started posting. Your advice was always well-received and taken into consideration. You explained things to me when I had no idea what they were, you gave me real world experiences, something these doctors could never explain, and you were a shoulder for me to cry on, always...and I certainly did a lot of crying.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you. From the bottom of my heart. And I hope we all get that BFP that we're waiting for...and for those graduates who still come around, thank you. You are an inspiration.

ITA I have made some great freinds on here that I now couldn't live without and to see their kindness, advice and endless knowledge being disrespected is very sad. Many of these women offer advice on here that you can't read in any book and you can't ask any Dr. They offer this advice to help and ease the pain of IF not to be nasty or condecending. They try to help because they have been there, seen it, done it, and lived through the pain.

Re: A little PSA

I don't see how anyone can take any advice and be offended. If it wasnt for all of you, I honestly dont know how i would handle my personal situation since I have no one to talk to.

I have had my ups and downs and am happy to see women graduating, it gives me a little hope.

I will always be thankful for everyone on here, whether it be women who are starting the journey, women who have been dealing with this or the graduates.

Re: A little PSA

OMG..without you ladies I would have been stuck in a deep dark place within myself. You all helped me with your vast knowledge, and let's face it, I wouldn't be where I am today without doing my last IUI (I didn't want to do it) and a lot of you (ahem, Laurenexp) urged me to try one last time.

So, I thank you...all

Re: A little PSA

Feel the love

Re: A little PSA

I just want to say that I am so grateful for all the info, support & advice that I have gotten from the wonderful ladies on this board.

Re: A little PSA

I have made a transition from a lurker to an active poster to a less active poster (out of self-preservation), but never without giving support to others. To everyone and anyone (including veterans AND newbies) I am grateful for your support and advice throughout the last year. There are really no words for how much you all inspire me. I consider each and every graduate from this board a success story and a victory for all of us.

It takes a great deal of bravery to post in a public forum about the greatest details of one of the most intimate aspects of a couple's life - the difficulty in creating a child. I will speak for my self when I say I wish this board did not have to exist. I wish we could all create life in a traditional loving way, but many of us can't. The hardest part of this journey for me thus far is the loss of privacy with my husband. We cannot make a baby without at least half a dozen people knowing about it each and every time we walk into a doctor's office- probably more. This is the main reason I have toned down my posts. We want the intimacy back.

It is sad to see discord in a place where all are well-intended and working towards a common goal. Whether we use the advice offered to us or not, respect is of the utmost importance here and rather simple. If someone offers you advice that doesn't suit you or even if it is something that you do not want to hear, there are ways to articulate that and spare someone's feelings. At the same time, if advice is offered, and not taken, it doesnt mean that someone is always offended or hurt. Perhaps they are simply not ready to forge ahead at the same pace or rate that someone else is. I know I have to ease into every step of my own process.

G-d bless you all. This is not a place where I ever thought I would see strife. I hope all who are hurt can find resolution.

Re: A little PSA

Gerty - I completely understand what you are saying . . . the women that are considered the "veterans" are indeed knowledgable and helpful. I don't spend as much time here since getting my BFP as I did before, so I don't know what prompted this PSA.

What I can say however, is for a newbie on this board sometimes the vets can be overwhelming. Everyone experiencing IF has to move at their own pace. Each decision is difficult to make. Sometimes, just sometimes, hearing 25 different opinions is too much. Sometimes, just sometimes, the opinions don't come across that way (which is a problem with all message boards - you don't get tone of voice, just words on a screen). And sometimes, when someone is going through IF the anger at their own situation spills over into the forum and directly at someone who is trying to help (something to the effect of, if you're so smart why are you still here, it obviously isn't working, or any other obnoxious thing someone in pain can think of to lash out with to temporarily assuage their own misery).

Yes, it would be nice if everyone could always remember to look at another's point of view before getting angry, but that cuts both ways. When someone reacts badly, before jumping down their throat for their reaction, we should all try to go back and see how someone that is facing the horrific possibility of life without their own child might read something and misconstrue it.

Just my two cents.

Re: A little PSA

I can write this as a woman who has been dealing with secondary IF for over two years. If I didn't want your advice than I wouldn't ask it. I don't post much because i really believe that i don't have much worth writing. I am truly grateful to all you ladies here whether veteran or newbie. Sometimes i think that people come hear to argue & i feel that we have enough going on in our lives dealing with IF, so why not come here for venting or bonding however you want to deal with IF. There is something said for anonymity and the board. I just hope this will all settle down and we'll all remember why we originally came to this site.

Re: A little PSA

Re: A little PSA

I just wanted to say that I am having fertility issues, and am going for IVF in January. I am very depressed about it, and don't usually post here, I just lurk. I think you all are an amazingly strong group of women. When I read a post from someone who is having a really tough time, I cry along with them because I truly understand what it feels like.

Re: A little PSA

I think a lot of times women are in denial. I was in denial for about 6 months before I finally crossed over to the IF board. I try to post when I can and hope that my advice helps someone else as it did for me when I was searching for answers. I remember wanting to do things at my pace. There are different school of thoughts out in the IF board and for me, I did the process of elimination.

This site is a God Sent. I truly do not know where I would be without you girls. Everyday, I find that I am still learning something new from this site. I have learned more on this site then from any doctor. The knowledge that I have acquired here has been very empowering. And I want to say "Thanks" to all my gals for all the advice, joy, hugs, tears, and laughter!

ETA: Sorry, I don't post as often as I did when I lived in Tx. Ever since I started working, I do not have secure access to the internet. I promise to try to post as often as I can.

Message edited 12/4/2007 8:54:36 PM.