BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
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A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing
I got this in an email from a friend (no it wasn't my friend that this actually happened to).
HOT WAX....... > All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, > painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the > wax. > > My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner, > played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully > in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of > the medicine cabinet. > > So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those > cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips > together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart > press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. > > No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am > mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!* > > So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other > stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair > dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this > phrase haunts me!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around > it tight and pull. > > OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! > Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward > body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. > > With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak > back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I > drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same > procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line, > covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside > of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace > myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!! > > I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision > returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the > strip. S&%T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and > spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see > my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me > so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my > triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. > > Where is the hair. WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot > still perched on the toilet. I see the hair..The hair that should be on > the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S&%T I run my fingers over the > most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and > matted hair. > > Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember my foot is > still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. > > So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell > door. > > Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the > bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please > don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off" > > Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand > into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax > should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get > in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than then that used to torture > prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only > thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having > them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....In > scalding hot water. > > Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the > bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that convinced me I should have a > phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed > before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good > conversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of > the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but > does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where > the wax is located on bottom "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?" > She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown > and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. > YEAH!!!!! Right!! > > I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through > various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. > Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot > wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry > shaving the sticky wax off!! > > By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I > slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my > hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion they give you to > remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I > rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! > > The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, > but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty > congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove > the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and > despair.................................. > > THE HAIR IS STILLTHERE.......................ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. > > So I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point. Next week I'm going to > try hair color......
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