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A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year

Member since 5/05

17334 total posts

Name:

A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

I got this in an email from a friend (no it wasn't my friend that this actually happened to).

HOT WAX.......
> All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
> painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
> wax.
>
> My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner,
> played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
> in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of
> the medicine cabinet.
>
> So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those
> cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
> together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart
> press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off.
>
> No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am
> mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!*
>
> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
> stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair
> dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this
> phrase haunts me!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around
> it tight and pull.
>
> OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
> Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward
> body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire.
>
> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak
> back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
> drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
> procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line,
> covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside
> of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
> myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>
> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
> returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the
> strip. S&%T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and
> spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see
> my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me
> so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
> triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
>
> Where is the hair. WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot
> still perched on the toilet. I see the hair..The hair that should be on
> the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S&%T I run my fingers over the
> most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and
> matted hair.
>
> Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember my foot is
> still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something.
>
> So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell
> door.
>
> Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the
> bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please
> don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off"
>
> Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand
> into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax
> should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I get
> in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than then that used to torture
> prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only
> thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having
> them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....In
> scalding hot water.
>
> Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the
> bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that convinced me I should have a
> phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed
> before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
> conversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of
> the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but
> does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where
> the wax is located on bottom "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?"
> She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
> and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
> YEAH!!!!! Right!!
>
> I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through
> various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
> Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
> wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry
> shaving the sticky wax off!!
>
> By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I
> slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my
> hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion they give you to
> remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I
> rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>
> The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend,
> but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty
> congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove
> the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and
> despair..................................
>
> THE HAIR IS STILLTHERE.......................ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
>
> So I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point. Next week I'm going to
> try hair color......

Posted 9/9/05 8:56 AM
 
Long Island Weddings
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Elbee
Zanzibar

Member since 5/05

10767 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

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Posted 9/9/05 9:02 AM
 

juju
Welcome to the World!

Member since 5/05

6747 total posts

Name:

Re: A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

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Posted 9/9/05 9:03 AM
 

baghag
:P

Member since 5/05

10278 total posts

Name:

Re: A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

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Posted 9/9/05 9:03 AM
 

DonnaJoe708
Hello

Member since 5/05

4002 total posts

Name:

Re: A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

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Posted 9/9/05 9:06 AM
 

Aga
hello baby Albert

Member since 9/05

7750 total posts

Name:
Aga

Re: A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

thats something that I would probably do Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 9/9/05 9:12 AM
 

MamaNDaddyof3
:)

Member since 5/05

7267 total posts

Name:
Mommy

Re: A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

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Posted 9/9/05 9:28 AM
 

NewYawkah
2012--A year of new beginnings

Member since 5/05

4402 total posts

Name:

Re: A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

I just BURST OUT LAUGHING!!!!!!!! Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 9/9/05 5:14 PM
 

Bxgell2
Perfection

Member since 5/05

16438 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

LLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!! Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 9/9/05 5:21 PM
 

robcoll1002
My Beautiful Babies

Member since 5/05

2073 total posts

Name:
Colleen

Re: A little TMI - but HILARIOUS!! RE: Waxing

That was so funny.Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 9/9/05 5:53 PM
 
 

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