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gporka23
:)
Member since 11/08 3783 total posts
Name:
:)
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A long vent... opinions please!!
Please don't quote. I am going to take this down later. Thanks
DH's best friend is getting married this winter.. it is a destination wedding. Without going into too much detail.. it is a very expensive trip. It is a holiday weekend and the airfare is equivalent to what it would cost to fly during christmas. The hotel is a 5 star hotel and is very expensive as well....
Well it turns out I already decided not to go.. the baby will be 2 months then and I just can not do it... DH doesn't want to go.. He doesn't want to leave me but I told him he has to go because its his best friends wedding and they asked him to be in the wedding party.. The bride and groom are already looking for RSVP's so DH and I sat down last night to look into it and we just can NOT afford it  we really cant. And at that time I will be out of work on Maternity leave and wont be gettind paid. I unfortunately make more money in our relationship so we will be struggling then...We have a mortgage, bills, and soon a baby and we just couldn't find ways to afford it. On top of that DH just really does not want to go.
All of DH's other friends are going with someone so he can't even find someone to share a room with to save some money..
I guess I just don't know what to do. Do you think they would understand if we said No (well I am saying no regardless) and DH dropped out of the wedding party? I plan to give them a very nice gift but we just feel really bad. It is just horrible timing and something we really don't think we are able to swing.
Thanks for reading 
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Posted 5/17/10 10:33 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
zoe282
We have our miracle!
Member since 8/08 3634 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
I think if someone chooses to have a destination wedding, then they have to understand why some people may not be able to go. Bottom line...
You have to take care of your family now, and that comes first.
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| Posted 5/17/10 10:34 AM |
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gporka23
:)
Member since 11/08 3783 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
Posted by zoe282
I think if someone chooses to have a destination wedding, then they have to understand why some people may not be able to go. Bottom line...
You have to take care of your family now, and that comes first.
That is what DH and I said... We just felt bad since they asked him to be in the wedding party.
I thiink they also kind of expect everyone to go.. which is another issue
Message edited 5/17/2010 10:36:34 AM.
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| Posted 5/17/10 10:36 AM |
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mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
If this his best friend he should understand, maybe be disappointed but be understanding. I would be very up front, tell them you would love to but you won't be working and can't afford to go.
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| Posted 5/17/10 10:36 AM |
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LadyBug1209
Mommy to FOUR little men!
Member since 8/08 9655 total posts
Name:
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
If he is your DH's best friend, he will definitely understand!! Taking a trip 2 months after having a baby is HUGE and if you can't do it, I wouldn't feel bad. I would just send them a nice gift. 
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| Posted 5/17/10 10:36 AM |
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inshock121
LIF Infant
Member since 3/10 86 total posts
Name:
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
I think they will understand. Destination weddings are tough and most couples understand people may have conflicts for various reasons or financial constraints. Just be honest and I maybe take them out to celebrate when they return.
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| Posted 5/17/10 10:39 AM |
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Pray4Baby2010
<3 Cutest Giants Fan
Member since 10/09 5796 total posts
Name:
MB
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
I didnt go to one of my closest friend's destination wedding- dh and I were getting married a month later and had just bought a place
I spoke to her, she understood totally.
Her parents also ended up throwing her a small little reception at their house after they got back because a lot of people couldnt make it.
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| Posted 5/17/10 10:40 AM |
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MamaLeen
:)
Member since 10/09 4594 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
Posted by zoe282
I think if someone chooses to have a destination wedding, then they have to understand why some people may not be able to go. Bottom line...
You have to take care of your family now, and that comes first.
ITA
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| Posted 5/17/10 10:46 AM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
I wouldn't do it , just apologize and explain your situation. you don't want to spend money on a trip right now. DH went to his BF's bach party in europe bc he felt he had too. well now we are in the hole for the cost of that trip  we have one child, and one on the way, and now he owes one of the guys 1k as we have crazy doc and hospital bills rolling in.
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| Posted 5/17/10 11:05 AM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
He just can't go, and his friend has to understand.
You can't have a destination wedding and "expect" everyone to attend. That's just not realistic. You'd have to be completely irrational to not understand why your DH can't attend, and if that's the case, you're not much of a friend IMO.
Send a nice gift and take them out to dinner to celebrate once they get back, but don't feel bad. You have to take care of your family first.
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| Posted 5/17/10 11:11 AM |
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Cpt2007
A new love!
Member since 1/08 5946 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
i think your DH should be totally honest with his friend and say that you guys ran the numbers and you simply cannot afford to go, even if its only one of you. he should understand and if not...well, that's a whole other issue that will need to be dealt with.
don't stress over it though. you have to do what is best for you and your family, so its not worth worrying over.
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| Posted 5/17/10 11:21 AM |
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Karebaby
Precious
Member since 10/06 5304 total posts
Name:
Karyn
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
Posted by zoe282
I think if someone chooses to have a destination wedding, then they have to understand why some people may not be able to go. Bottom line...
You have to take care of your family now, and that comes first.
Agreed!
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| Posted 5/17/10 11:48 AM |
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DSLaff
Team One of Each
Member since 10/09 2150 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
if it is dh best friend i would take them out to a nice dinner explain to them what you just said to us and give them a nice check. good friends will totally understand
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| Posted 5/17/10 11:59 AM |
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Shop24-7
I love my little girl!
Member since 10/09 2026 total posts
Name:
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
I think it is fine if you do not go. You have very valid reasons. Also, they should understand that not everyone can make it to a destination wedding.
When they get back from their honeymoon, it might be a good idea to take them out to dinner to celebrate their wedding.
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| Posted 5/17/10 12:02 PM |
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kristin597
Mama!
Member since 8/08 1688 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
Posted by zoe282
I think if someone chooses to have a destination wedding, then they have to understand why some people may not be able to go. Bottom line...
You have to take care of your family now, and that comes first.
This is my feeling as well. My sister is planning a destination wedding in March. It is not too expensive, however, some people just simply cannot afford ANY vacation right now. She understands that some people (even family members) will not be able to go. That is the consequence of having a destination wedding. Hopefully they will be understanding of yours and DH's decision.
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| Posted 5/17/10 12:07 PM |
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gporka23
:)
Member since 11/08 3783 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
Thanks ladies...
We just talked again and I gave DH more prices and he said its not going to work. We will def. give them a very generous gift and take them out to celebrate like you all suggested. Hopefully they will understand - i dont see how they couldnt.
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| Posted 5/17/10 12:12 PM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
I think if they are very good friend's and you explain the financial burden it is on you and you can not afford it then then should understand it. Of course I am sure they'll be hurt because they want you to share their special day with then but in the end real friends will look at the situation adn try and understand.
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| Posted 5/17/10 1:03 PM |
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Salason
♥
Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
Name:
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
Posted by zoe282
I think if someone chooses to have a destination wedding, then they have to understand why some people may not be able to go. Bottom line...
You have to take care of your family now, and that comes first.
100% agree!
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| Posted 5/17/10 5:28 PM |
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TnJ2007
Angelina . . . My Lil Angel
Member since 8/08 2196 total posts
Name:
Tricia
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
Posted by zoe282
I think if someone chooses to have a destination wedding, then they have to understand why some people may not be able to go. Bottom line...
You have to take care of your family now, and that comes first.
i couldn't have said it better myself!! 
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| Posted 5/17/10 7:45 PM |
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wanttobeamom
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 2448 total posts
Name:
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
I had a destination wedding, well sort of. We got married in Hawaii (DH's family is there) and totally understood why many friends and family could not come. A good friend will understand.
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| Posted 5/17/10 7:48 PM |
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BreezyBrie
Loving my "CC"
Member since 4/10 1975 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: A long vent... opinions please!!
We actually were planning a Destination wedding a few years ago. We called our family and wedding party to tell them they absolutely did not have to go, but we would love to have them if they wanted to take a vacation.
We were fully paid for and a few immediate family members (like 4) had paid. Then the economy really fell apart and we decided it was too much for our family and wedding party (even if they said they were fine).
We ended up canceling and doing a local wedding. After we did this people told us they couldn't be happier and that they prob weren't going to be able to go after they said they would.
We were so happy that we decided to change it. Anyway, my point being that we never put pressure on anybody and totally took their budgets/the signs of the time into consideration.
YOU and DH have way too much going on and any Best friend should understand that and not be upset. Good Luck!! 
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| Posted 5/17/10 7:50 PM |
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