A question for the moms with 2 under 2

Please tell me this gets easier.

Let me start off by saying I knew this would be tough and it was a decision both DH and I "thought" would be easier. There are NO regrets in having our 2 beautiful healthy children but this is really hard!

How am I supposed to pick and chose one child over another? If AJ gets a bottle at 12 and Gianna needs a bottle at 12 who do I feed first? I only have DH home with me for a few more days before he goes back to work and I am terrified I wont be able to swing things.

How do I get AJ to understand that I still love him? He is so distant from me and it hurts me.

On top of AJ cutting 2 new teeth, DH has a horrible cold and I am an emotional mess. Please share your tips/tricks to getting thru the next few weeks.

Message edited 10/28/2008 1:45:47 PM.

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

it gets easier, i promise You'll find your groove and things will fall into place. For me that happened around the 2-3 month mark.

Mine are 14 months apart, what i did-i went into survival mode for those first few months and only took care of my kids and myself-no cleaning, no dinner prep, nothing. I also wrote everything out in a notebook so i could see a pattern form with the little one.

I also worked #2 into #1's schedule, it was easiest that way for us since hers was already established.

It's hard, but it will have it rewards when #2 starts interacting with the older one. My little ones 1st big belly laugh was watching her sister splash in the tub and they've been best friends every since.

The hardest part for me was getting used to the fact i'm only 1 mommy with 2 hands, sometimes 1 of my babies had to cry while i tended to the other. But i had no choice.

It'll all work out! Make sure you get OUT during the day too, even for a short walk around the block, it does wonders for your mental state.

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

Deb I just wanted to send these
and tell you it does get easier.

I seen many ppl be in the same position and they make it work, all takesn time and some adjustments in areas.

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

I won't be two under two but I still worry about juggling two kids.

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

Posted by LuvMy2Girls

it gets easier, i promise You'll find your groove and things will fall into place. For me that happened around the 2-3 month mark.

Mine are 14 months apart, what i did-i went into survival mode for those first few months and only took care of my kids and myself-no cleaning, no dinner prep, nothing. I also wrote everything out in a notebook so i could see a pattern form with the little one.

I also worked #2 into #1's schedule, it was easiest that way for us since hers was already established.

It's hard, but it will have it rewards when #2 starts interacting with the older one. My little ones 1st big belly laugh was watching her sister splash in the tub and they've been best friends every since.

The hardest part for me was getting used to the fact i'm only 1 mommy with 2 hands, sometimes 1 of my babies had to cry while i tended to the other. But i had no choice.

It'll all work out! Make sure you get OUT during the day too, even for a short walk around the block, it does wonders for your mental state.

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

I am not there yet, but will be shortly. We can be support for each other!

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

Debbie, I can only imagine what you're going through. Is there anybody that can help you out during the first few weeks? Come over and help out for a couple of hours so that you can at least catch up on your sleep? It's going to get easier once you get into the grrove of things but make sure you have someone to help you out a bit so that you can sleep. I know that was my biggest thing, the lack of sleep. I couldn't function and was on auto-pilot for about 6-8 weeks. Then it got better.

Stay strong, it will get better and of course we're all here for you!

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

I promise it does get easier I felt the same way you did in the beginning and thought I'd never figure it out but it all falls into place with time.

My son is now almost 5 months and it's so much easier. My DD totally rejected me for the first month or so. It was awful. She was great with the baby, but wanted nothing to do with me. With time she's gotten much better. She really only gives me a hard time when I'm feeding the baby now, but I let her help or sit next to her on the floor, whatever I can so she doesn't feel ignored.

Also, I got the baby on my DD's schedule. I tried not to change too much since it was already such a huge adjustment for her. For meals, I get her settled with her food first (since she can feed herself for the most part) and sit next to her while I give the baby his bottle. For baths, DH does her bath and I bathe the baby.

The nighttime routine is challenging but it works most of time esp if DH is around. DS starts his bottle at 7:15 and goes to bed by 7:45. Then DD gets her books & bed. We run a tight ship and it seems to be working.

Any questions feel free to FM. Give it time

ETA: AJ knows you still love him. It's just a huge adjustment for him. Include him in EVERYTHING. Let him hand you a wipe, hold a clean diaper, get the burp cloth for you, even if you don't need it. Make him feel important even if you think he doesn't understand, he does. Find little things he can do for his age. Keep hugging, kissing, sitting with him - find at least some time once a week to do something with JUST him. Even if it's food shopping.

As for choosing one over the other - I tend to let the baby wait since he doesn't understand as much as my DD. However if I truly feel DD can wait, I make her wait. It all depends on the situation. Can AJ hold his own bottle? or do you still feed him?

Message edited 10/28/2008 2:39:35 PM.

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

Deb... Does AJ drink his bottle on his own? If he does... maybe you can make it a kind of bonding time for all 3 of you - you sit down on the floor feeding the baby with AJ next to you while he drinks his bottle.

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

Deb, just wanted to give you . I'm sure it's soooo hard. My mom had 2 in 12. She said it gets easier. I was going to suggest what another poster said. I think if AJ took his own bottle it might be easier for you. I never thought Maddie would and then one day we were in the car and she was screaming so I figured, well if she's that thirsty, she'll figure it out, so I made the bottle (at a red light) and handed it to her and she sucked it down. I give Maddie her bottle all the time while she's laying in her crib. So maybe if you could feed Gianna in your bed with AJ laying next to you?

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

Thanks for the advice everyone. At this point I am willing to try it all. Hopefully everything will fall into place soon!

Re: A question for the moms with 2 under 2

Ugh- the first few weeks were really hard!

But it DOES get better and it is SO worth it! Mine are 16 months apart and all I can say was it was like running a marathon- over and over each day.

I bjorned DD- she lived in the bjorn in the beginning and would nap in it. We got out of the house as much as possible to the playground, on walks, to keep DS entertained. We were home for meals, bottles, and naps only. But I was lucky- baby #2 was a Spring baby.

It WILL get easier, and you WILL be so happy to see the two of them play together.


ETA: I would make DS wait when I had to choose- I just couldn't let my newborn cry. When I have to put them to bed on my own (thank goodness no more than twice a week) I sometimes have to prop her bottle. There where night when both were crying in their cribs and I would rock one, put him down, go to DD, rock her and back and forth....

But it gets easier.... I promise.

Message edited 10/28/2008 11:11:26 PM.