Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

So we were going to visit DH's family out of state this weekend and stay with his sister, who is also pregnant and rents an apartment in the downstairs of his parents house. Well my MIL just called him saying that his sister was preg with twins and that one of them is not doing well and is probably not going to make it they just found out today, so her and her boyfriend just want to be alone, would it be okay if we stayed up stairs in their part of the house. Well both of his parents smoke...A LOT! And DH stupidly says, "Yea, that should be fine but let me check with Kristen." He already knows how I feel about staying with them in their smokey house while I am pregnant. So I was like no, Im not staying there. I also said to him, why don't you tell her we will come another weekend since they are all upset, its prob. not the best time to come and visit. In the meantime he called his brother and his wife and they said we could stay there. So he calls his mom back and tells her we will be staying at his brothers and she was annoyed, sayiing" what, do we have cooties?" and he said no its not that but with Kristen being preg and you guys smoking we'd feel more comfortable staying at Billy's. So, now my MIL is all
p issy and I feel like she really needs to repsect our decision. Ugghh..dont even want to go now! Because since my husband initially said it was okay but that he had to check with me, I am the bad guy! So annoyed at DH too since he initially told her it should be fine.

Am I wrong? How would you have handled this situation?

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

I would have done the same thing. You are correct in this situation. Your MIL should respect that you don't want to inhale her smoke while you are pregnant. I would never stay with them even non pregnant if they smoked inside. I think you were respectful offering to not visit, since the other family members were upset. MIL is just feeling insulted prob. I totally agree with you though.

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

Not wrong.....but wouldn't the apartment be unhealthy, too?

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

DH knows better not to make plans without checking with me And no they don't have cooties just nasty smoke you do NOT need to be around... You are NOT wrong

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

You are not wrong. You shouldn't have to stay there if you don't feel comfortable. I hate when ppl smoke in the apts anyway, bc then whoever walks in is assulted by the smell. DH smokes and I smoked before my BFP, but we never ever smoked in the house and never around ppl who were sick, pregnant, or just didn't like it. Your MIL should grow up and realize her grandchild won't be able to come over and see her if she doesn't stop the smoking in th house

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

You aren't wrong at all! MIL should totally understand. It's not like you are asking them to change their ways. Try not to be upset with DH. He probably wasn't thinking straight at that moment.

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

You're not wrong and it sounded like DH handled it well and MIL is just being unreasonable.

She probably feels insulted, but honestly there as long as DH wasn't mean about it, she really shouldn't be. She's just being emotional.

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

Thanks for all of your input.



I was feeling guilty about my decision even though I know I shouldn't have to validate how I feel to her!

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

MIL needs to get a clue, second hand smoke is bad for the baby! you are totally right, don't feel bad about it.

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

You are not the bad guy... it's important for you to take care of yourself and if your MIL cannot see that her chain smoking is not a healthy environment for you (or anyone else for that matter) then shame on her!

If your MIL says anything to you (which she probably won't) just stand firm to your beliefs. You are right!

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

Do people seriously not know that smoking is bad for pregnant women (or anyone for that matter)?? If I were you I would just stay in a hotel!!

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

that is just so disturbing that she can not understand! what is wrong with people...seriously!

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

First, you arent wrong. Second, I told my OWN parents when I found out I was pregnant that I wouldnt stay in the house with them smoking.

Third, go to DH and biff him off the head. The answer is always "I'll talk with (your name) about it and get back to you". DH did that ONCE (making me the bad guy) and he he learned his lesson. I went postal on him.

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

I have to tell you that the smoking battle has been a never ending one for a long time, and my father has finally quit and i like to think that i was the one who in a round about way convinced him.. i had a big issue with him being around ds when he smoked so whenever he started smoking we left the area for 20-25 minutes.. i also required that he wait a half hour before holding, touching, or playing with ds... third hand smoke is just as bad as second hand smoke... then when i was about 4 months pregnant my father went out to smoke , walked into my house and i asked him to leave... he was all mad so i told him that the smell alone was revolting and that he was making me sick to my stomach... two weeks later he had hypnosis and is now smoke free for two months....

the whole smoking thing is a pita to deal with BUT you have to stand your gound on what you feel is safe...

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

yeah, stand your ground on what you feel is safe and comfortable. i could never stay in a smoker's home. it's better you deal with this now than when the baby comes and you are concerned about the baby staying over night there or them holding him/her just after smoking, etc.

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

You are not wrong!!!! You should not be subjected to being around smoke. You are 100% right to protect yourself and your baby. If they don't understand, oh well too bad!

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

Honestly you did the right thing and your IL's need to get over it.Cigarette smoke is not something people should be exposed to much less a pregnant woman or a fetus. If they have an issue with people not wanting to stay with them, maybe they should rethink their lifestyle/habits before they get all offended. Cause afterall they can go ahead and destroy their health...if that's their thing, but they should not expect that others should expose themselves to such toxins. TBH, my mom smokes and it drives my sister and I crazy. We would not save face with and subject our kids to that. So had it been me, I would have done the same thing and not hold any punches as to why.

Message edited 10/16/2009 8:26:14 PM.

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

start the battle now and by the time your baby is here they will know you mean business.

you are absolutely right

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

As everyone else has stated, you are 100% right about not wanting to stay in their smoky house. However, I would just let the whole thing go. Her comment was made in the moment, and I'm sure she must realize that you being around the smoke is not healthy for you or the baby. I hope she comes to her senses and realizes that you were in the right. Try to have an enjoyable weekend. Maybe you and your SIL can go out for manis and pedis or something nice to take her mind of things.

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

i think ur DH was right for telling them the reason you ar enot tstyauing there...i mean they need to have some common sense that they shouldnt be smoking around you or having you stay in a smoking environment. MIL smokes and DH has told her that I am not to go inside her house and when the baby comes, the baby is banned from her house too.

Re: Advice needed...smoking inlaws! LONG!!!

Your inlaws should be more understanding! Now that you are pregnant your instincts kick in and you do whatever it takes to protect that baby. I wouldn't even care if I p' off my MIL at that point...your DH should say something to them.