advice on teen issues needed

oh goodness
please dont quote.


you know how it feels when someone tells you something and now you are the only adult that knows (possibly) and have to advise the teen/friend on what to do ?

long story short
a teenager I know very well.

just let me know that a friend of hers, got drunk, blacked out, woke up at another location, (with friends from school) and later realized a male friend pushed her into doing things....and that he has done this before...

and when this teen that told me, asked her friend did he rape you, the girl broke down in sobs.

what advice should i give ? I told her an adult needs to know about this, asked her if there's someone this girl confides in, etc/

Im so heartbroken for this girl, and want to give the right words/advise.
help. thanks
dont quote may take this down.

Re: advice on teen issues needed

Oh man...I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

I guess they only thing you can do is stress to the teen that told you how important it is for the friend to tell someone. So the P.O.S doesn't do it again and she can get some counseling.

Re: advice on teen issues needed

Re: advice on teen issues needed

You have FM

Re: advice on teen issues needed

Please do say something. I'm a high school teacher and I know teenagers really well. I know it's an uncomfortable topic and will be hard to bring up with the teen you know, but this kind of thing happens often, and girls tend to think it's their fault and that it just happens, especially if you want to be popular.

Whatever you do (and I honestly don't know what I would do), you have to let your teen friend know that this is not okay, that the guy did something illegal, immoral, and unacceptable, and that her friend needs help and counseling. She and her friend have to understand that the boy here is at fault, not the girl.

What an awful story. I really hope the victim gets some help for herself and that the scum that did this to her is punished.

Re: advice on teen issues needed

Re: advice on teen issues needed

Did the girl that was raped tell you or her friend? If it was her friend, you need to tell her friend that she needs to tell an adult. If the girl is the one that told you - well she did tell an adult, she told you.

Your next step in my opinion is to get her help. Whether it be calling the rape hotline & handing her the phone or sitting next to her as she tells someone in authority what happened.

A crime was committed & it's not up to us to determine those next steps.

Re: advice on teen issues needed

I would ask the teen you know if you can speak with the girl. Then you can find out exactly what happened and encourage her to speak with an adult. I would also tell her that I would help her tell her parents about what happened. If she says no then I would give her the name of a rape crisis line and I would encourage her to call.

Re: advice on teen issues needed

I would tell the teen to have her friend (1) tell an adult and (2) go to the doctor. She needs to be checked out. The hospital (or a doctor) can even do a rape kit.

LIke someone else said, I would tell the teen that what this boy did is not right, is illegal- and legally considered rape - even if it was without force, and on top of it all, is immoral. I would urge the teen to let her friend know that and getting drunk does not make it acceptable for somone to rape her. It's not her fault.

I would also talk to the teen about the importance of not drinking too much. We all know that teens drink, but there has to be a limit. Make sure the teen knows the dangers of drinking so something like that doesn't happen to her.

Re: advice on teen issues needed

I don't have any different advise then what everyone else has suggested.

If the girl won't talk to anyone maybe you should contact the school counselor and tell her what you know and see if they can talk to her and get her to speak up.

Good luck -- this is a situation that no one should ever have to be in.

Re: advice on teen issues needed

thanks everyone for all this feedback, I truly appreciate it.

as much as I would love to get more involved, and I WILL do my best to see that this teen speaks to someone. my gut reaction yesterday was to tell her that she needs to tell her friend to let an adult know asap (the friend of the victim told me, her friend told her the story). sorry if this is confusing.

now the second part of the scenario that makes it a bit sticky.
im pretty close to the parent of the teen that told me.

now how can I get involved without her parents knowing? (I dont feel right doing that) because their daughter's friends and the things going on around them, etc, is something they should be involved in too...
she (teen that told me) is very close and open with her parents about alot, but dont know about this...

Re: advice on teen issues needed

Message edited 11/29/2011 7:33:10 PM.

Re: advice on teen issues needed

hi guys.
this is what she wrote to me just recently.
I may delete this, snce my teen friend is a big online kinda girl, i'd feel terrible if she saw this.
**************
She decided to tell her friend ----, who then told the boy -----'s mom. And now she is obviously not allowed to goto his house, the school psychologist knows, I think because she was down there today. She feels bad that he is getting in trouble, but I told her that he deserves to. And she is starting to understand why
*********************

what do you guys think ?
I think this poor girl has low self esteem, feels bad for having gotten him in trouble, and again we dont know all details of the story, so it's so hard to say just based on what Ive been told.
If the school psych knows, arent they required to tell a parent ?


thanks again for all the input, wow the teen years are tough.