Am I a Beeeeee (mini update)

eOTCH?

Do you ever feel like not talking to any of your friends outside of cyberworld? I just feel that none of my friends (who haven't dealt with IF) will ever understand what I am going through. Ever since dealing with IF, i have become distant with my friends but we do keep in touch once or every two months. And all is fine b/c we all have busy lives and by the time I do speak to them, I am happy to hear from them and we have stuff to catch up on. But one of my GF's calls me every week and there are times when I do not feel like talking to her. It's not that I hate talking to her but I hate the fact that I have to "fake" that everything is alright in my life. And to make matters worse, everything is always "great" in her life and if it's not, she would never tell me. She does know that I am dealing with IF b/c I have shared that with her but maybe she doesn't know the magnitude of how it affects me. And I don't feel that I should have to explain how it does. I also have other issues outside of IF that I am dealing with (eg. financial) and again, I don't feel like I need to divulge this to her.

So for the past few weeks, she has called several times and either I didn't hear the phone, away from my phone or screening my calls....bottom line: I haven't called her back. Plus, I have been busy.

DH is away for 5 days and last night at 10:00 pm while I was in the shower, she called and I didn't realize it til after 11 pm. Well, DH calls me later that night and told me he rec'd a call on his cell phone from my GF asking if I was okay. 1) W T*F* is she calling my DH at 10:00 pm ; she knows he wakes up so early for work!!! 2) If I am dead, she would of known...we grew up in a small city. So DH got upset with me and told me that if she called me that I should return her calls and that maybe, she needed "me". I don't have it in me to be there for anyone right now (yes, sounds selfish) And recently, we were in NY for a few days for a wedding, and I am sure she was upset that I didnt call her while I was in Town. She had to hear it from DH.

So this morning, I left her a message telling her that I will call her after my temp job (5:30). Apparently, she didnt get it b/c she text message me saying " I know you called but I didn't get your message". And I didn't reply b/c I had just walked into my temp job. So at my lunch hour a while ago, she text me saying "that I am acting strange and that she is upset b/c she left me several messages and is upset that I didn't have the courtesy to call her back. And that she won't bother me anymore" I don't blame her but UHhh! So now, I have to call her back to let her know......"it's not you....It's me!"...speech. Ill apologize and tell her I have other things going on in my life right now and that I don't feel like talking to anyone. She is nice but sometimes too intrusive.

DH thinks I am mean. Maybe, I am.

Mini Update: After 5ish, I called and of course, I reached her VM. So I left a brief message apologizing and that I have a lot going on right now and that is she still wanted to talk to me that she could call me. Well, it is nearly 10 pm here and she hasn't called. Of course, now, I am tired and dont have the energy if she were to call.

Red-I so wish she used email. She is anti-email. I hate PHONES! I am not a chatter...not anymore.

Gerty- you are so right! I am such a private person as it is.

Cat-

Posted by CAT215
......Take care of YOU.

Message edited 3/6/2007 11:47:44 PM.

Re: Am I a Beeeeee

I go through this often....

Re: Am I a Beeeeee

Nope, you are totally normal for an IFer!!

Re: Am I a Beeeeee

its perfectly normal - I go through it all the time - with friends and family too

I use email often to keep in touch, so I don't have to answer any specific questions and I rarely call ppl to initiate a conversation

life s u c k s

eta some hugs

Message edited 3/6/2007 4:56:11 PM.

Re: Am I a Beeeeee

It's definitely a part of the IF struggle. Also, I think a lot of us don't want to share the daily struggle all the time so we keep it to ourselves.

Try explaining to your friend what you said here and hopefully she will understand.

Re: Am I a Beeeeee

Yup I agree with Pauline & Kara, totally normal.

Sometimes you just don't have the room in your emotions.

I don't think you are being mean. Take care of YOU. I have come to the conclusion that people that aren't going thru this just don't get it. I have a couple of freinds that just don't get it and sometimes I just don't have the energy to talk to them. IF is enough to go thru on it's own without having to deal with trying to handle the emotions of freinds that don't understand and trying not to "hurt" them when you are just not up to talking.

Anyway, do what feels right for you.

Re: Am I a Beeeeee

Message edited 4/21/2007 10:47:22 PM.

Re: Am I a Beeeeee

I agree as well. I have been doing this a lot! You are not mean!!

Re: Am I a Beeeeee

No, you're not a beotch...I feel the same way too...

Re: Am I a Beeeeee

NOT MEAN at all. because to be 100% honest and maybe Im a biotch too. Some friends, ones you talk to that often, should know whats going on in your life and IMO you shouldnt have to explain every feeling.

But in case shes clueless, maybe fill her in. Give her a chance to be there.

If you choose not to, so be it. Tell her your busy and to leave ya the heck alone.

J/K

I know your going through a lot Judy!

Im here if you ever need to talk

Re: Am I a Beeeeee (mini update)

Maybe I should email her this ........

Re: Am I a Beeeeee (mini update)

I would, I e-mailed that to a few people, if that doesn't get the message home, give up!

Re: Am I a Beeeeee (mini update)

maybe you can write her a letter. I think she would appreciate that and you could tell her what is too hard to say. Plus writing the letter might have some therapeutic value for yourself

Re: Am I a Beeeeee (mini update)

It's funny how we all feel this.

All of my friends are having babies, very easily getting pregnant, to boot. My friend just had a baby and wants me to be Godmother! I don't know if I can do it.

My one friend calls me EVERY SINGLE DAY. She talks about her kids constantly, and really I don't blame her, she's a SAHM and they are her life. They are both small (one is 2 the other will be 1 in June), but I can't take it either. So I find myself either blowing off their calls, telling them I'm busy when I do answer, things like that. I totally understand where you're coming from and I completely sympathize.

It truly is time for you to take some time to yourself and do what you need to do to get you through the day. But what thing I can say is, I've told a few of my friends to please not ask me about the IF issues and sometimes I might be a little distant to so please understand. I think it helped.

Oh, and another thing,

Re: Am I a Beeeeee (mini update)

Thanks Girls! She does know about my IF and actually, this happened last year around the same time and I did explain to her that if I seem distant it's b/c of my IF. I guess she forgot. She hasnt called back and to be honest, I am not sweating it. As for writing her a letter, I don't feel she needs to know every single thing that happens in my life. We know a lot of the same circle of friends and I don't need them to know what is going on in my life either. I am tired of people looking at me as if I am flawed which is why I like to keep things to myself. Oh well....what good did that do since she called me out on being distant with her.

Thanks again! Well, I am off on a flight to See DH on at his overnight! Talk to you girls tomorrow!!