Am I alone on this?????(PLEASE HELP!!!!)

Or just plain crazy????

I do not know if I have posted this before, but I have had some SERIOUS issues since my mom died (in 1999).

I was always a worrier/nervous as a child but things have seemed to get progressively worse in the last 10 years or so.

I am constantly in the state of panic/something is going to go wrong/ I or someone else is going to die...... I constantly worry about my own health.

It has pretty much been a nightmare. I also didn't get a chance to grieve as much as I should so things have been probably been coming out this way. I have also self-medicated (drinking mostly) alot. Grief has gotten the best of me in so many other ways!!!!

I can not get out of my mind the constant thoughts of my mom as sick as she was. It doesn't help that now especially I am in total fear of something bad happening befoe I concieve/give birth I am so much wanting to be a mom right now as well (which probably adds to the anxiiety).

Has anyone experinced this or have any advice!!

Any advice from those who have suffered any sort of trauma is appreciated!!! I know we are all in the same boat!!!!!!
And maybe can help each other!!!!!!!

Kathleen

Re: Am I alone on this?????(PLEASE HELP!!!!)

I am so sorry to hear you feel this way. Have you spoken to a grief counselor or gone to a support group.. It sounds perfectly normal how you are feeling.. I have felt the same way at times..especially about my daughter I worry about her all the time..and I worry about my other family members. I never used to worry about my own health until I had my daughter. now I want to be healthy for her.. DOn't worry you aren't alone..

Re: Am I alone on this?????(PLEASE HELP!!!!)

It sounds like you are going through such a difficult time, and that is so tough to deal with. Are you comfortable enough to set up a support system for yourself, (grief counseling, bereavement groups outside of this one, close friends or family, or an individual therapist?) -

Sometimes as we go through these devistating life changing events, we do it with out looking back, mostly because we have to. Sometimes it's the only way to deal with it at the time. As life goes on, small things begin to creep back into our minds that we weren't able to handle or realize when the events were actually occuring. There is something called PTSD or post tramatic stress disorder, and it can be debiliating to say the least. I am far from someone who would give a definitive diagnosis, but I think that there are vaild concerns there that shouldn't go unnoticed. It bascially says that one can go through events that are so horrific, that they can create ripple effects of the tragedy later on in life.

It seems to be a part of your journey in your own grief to be expierencing these feelings, but I wouldn't go through them alone. This was a good place to start, and I wish you wellness in your search for peace.

Re: Am I alone on this?????(PLEASE HELP!!!!)

I constantly worry about getting pregnant and then getting sick and leaving my child motherless!! you are not alone at all!!! All of my life all I ever wanted to be was a mother and now it scares the heck out of me for fear of getting sick. Every day is a constant struggle with me about whether or not I should even try to get pregnant. (my husband has 4 kids already so i'm a stepmom but its not the same) Watching my mom die the way she did makes me realize she went through all that he** of chemo and everything just for us kids in hopes she would make it through and in the end she didn't get to enjoy her last few months because of us.

you're not crazy but maybe i am

Message edited 10/2/2007 2:49:00 PM.

Re: Am I alone on this?????(PLEASE HELP!!!!)

i am afraid of dying of what my mom passed from - breast cancer, so i can relate to some of what you're going thru and i know how much it s u x. What helps me is taking every possible precaution - right now, that means going to a breast doctor 2x a year for checkups and checking myself regularly. since you say your mom was sick, can you do something similiar to ease your mind? I'm not going to lie and say that going to a doctor makes my fears disappear - it doesn't - but it does help a lot.

Re: Am I alone on this?????(PLEASE HELP!!!!)

I feel often this way..I havent experienced the loss you have, but I too am often scared as you described.

No advice, but your not alone.