Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?

I was talking to my sister and asked her if I could pick up my niece to go to the pool with me, my DH and DS. She didn't answer me at first and I was like "well" and she tells me that I can't because it will be her first time at the pool and that my sisters husband would have a fit knowing that it wasn't him who took her.
She said that he jumped down her throat last weekend because I took her to the zoo for the first time and he wasn't there to do it. He told her that under no circumstance is anybody to take her anywhere without him. So like taking her to the pool is out because he needs to do that with her for the first time.

I was so offend when she said this. I acted like I wasn't because I really didn't want to get into it with her but after I hung up and told DH I was livid.

Don't get me wrong I love to be able to experience new 1st with my DS but I would never think about getting pizzed at someone if they took him to the zoo without me or anything. As long as there is video or photos I am ok (which there was plenty of when I took my niece). The day I took her my sister asked me to take my niece out so that she could get the house cleaned. My DS wanted to go to the zoo so I figured why not take her too.

My sister and her DH are not the type to go anywhere. Its always me that has to urge them to come with us here or there, if we don't they would be home all day, not even outside playing with her, just in the house. I feel bad because they have another little girl coming and I just wanted to help out by taking my niece for a while so my sister can rest. She is scheduled for a c-section on 8/8.

Am I wrong for feeling so offended by this?

Message edited 7/27/2007 8:36:12 PM.

Re: Am I right for feeling this way?

Well, I can see both sides of it, to be honest. On the one hand, yes, you are doing them a favor by taking your niece out and it's so nice of you to offer since they don't get out much. On the other hand, I know what it's like to want to be there for "firsts". I don't really think you can begrudge someone that, ya know? Now, if her DH wants to be the first to do those things, but then never does that, that'd annoy me to know end. I know you love your niece and want her to have fun, too, but I wouldn't be offended, I don't think it's anything against YOU, her DH obviously just feels like he wants to be the first for everything. Personally, I wouldn't want to experience Ava's "firsts" through video or pictures because she is MY daughter. Please don't think that I'm saying you shouldn't be upset because you are totally entitled to your own feelings, but as a new mom, I guess I can understand where they're coming from.

Re: Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?

No you are not wrong. Try not to take in personal because it's not you it's him or them.. I don't think it's fair to the child because they have an opportunity to do something fun. Therefore, I think it's a little selfish although I do see their point in a way. Some people are more protective than others so don't take it personally.

Re: Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?

Posted by prncss

Well, I can see both sides of it, to be honest. On the one hand, yes, you are doing them a favor by taking your niece out and it's so nice of you to offer since they don't get out much. On the other hand, I know what it's like to want to be there for "firsts". I don't really think you can begrudge someone that, ya know? Now, if her DH wants to be the first to do those things, but then never does that, that'd annoy me to know end. I know you love your niece and want her to have fun, too, but I wouldn't be offended, I don't think it's anything against YOU, her DH obviously just feels like he wants to be the first for everything. Personally, I wouldn't want to experience Ava's "firsts" through video or pictures because she is MY daughter. Please don't think that I'm saying you shouldn't be upset because you are totally entitled to your own feelings, but as a new mom, I guess I can understand where they're coming from.

Re: Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?

Re: Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?

I think your BIL is overreacting and I would be annoyed too.

Re: Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?

Posted by abutterfly1123

Posted by prncss

Now, if her DH wants to be the first to do those things, but then never does that, that'd annoy me to know end.

This is exactly what he does. He has to be the first but he never does anything with her. I guess this is why I am bugged by what she said the most. I can totally understand wanting to be the first and I agree with what you said, but geez if you want to be the first then take her to all these places.

His favorite line is "Well I work 6 hours a day, 6 days a week. I am tired when I get home and want to rest not play"
Everyone works and everyone gets tired but you have to do what you have to do for your DC. KWIM?

Im not saying anything to them because I respect that this is their child before my niece and I would never over step my place. I was just taken back by what she said.

Thanks so much ladies for your words and letting me vent. I pretty much chewed of Dh ear about this.

Re: Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?

You want to come over and take my daughter to the pool with you instead? I promise I'd be really, really grateful for the offer!

Re: Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?

I agree with this. I want to be there for all the firsts. I couldn't imagine someone taking a first away from me. It may be selfish but as a parent you do so much work to get them here and take care of them everyday that of course you would want to enjoy all the joyful firsts. I would not take it personal if I were you.



I also agree with this! I love doing all DD firsts with her. I wouldn't take it personally. Honestly if my sister asked me if she could take Alyssa somewhere for the first time, I would say no. But thats just me.

Re: Am I right or wrong for feeling this way?