Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

I have posted now and then about my stepsister. She is 41, and has 2 kids. I have a lot of issues with her in general, but I have worked very hard in putting them aside for the sake of peace in the family, and now because she is the aunt of my baby...

We saw her yesterday along with my stepmom for mother's day. She wanted to hold Cailen and feed him after I changed him, which I was very happy about - I am glad she wants to spend time with him when she sees him...

When her kids were little (they are now 7 and 10) she was always very adamant about things she did not want me to do or say to them, which is understandable - they are her kids, and I always respected that. For example, I once held up my neice when she was a baby, and said she stinks because she had a poopy diaper. My stepsister said she doesnt like it when people say she "stinks" when her diaper is dirty. I never did it again...

so, she is feeding him, and asked him if he wanted more of his "Botty."

Heres the thing - I do not mind high pitched baby talk, but I believe very firmly in not teaching a baby a word for something that is not the correct word.

It is one thing if he calls it "Botty" when he learns to talk because "Bottle" may be hard to say, but I will not teach him that its a "botty."

Maybe I'm crazy, weird, whatvere, but as an educator and as someone who works with kids with developmental delays, it is just part of my philosophy.

So, I tell her, "Please call it a BotTLE with him" (and then I explained why I want it to be called bottle)

she goes on to say she called it a Botty with her kids, and at 6 weeks old, what difference does it make, how confused can he get, etc...

I understand that calling it botty at 6 wks old will not make or break him, but its something I feel strongly about

so, a few minutes later, after she tries to burp him, she friggin asks him again, "You want more of your botty?"




I ignored it, but how do I handle this?

I know its silly, and its an educational thing that I am bringing into my parenting, but it bothers me - and please don't get upset with me if you do it with your kids, its just something I don't want to do - I feel then you have to teach them the right word for it anyway, so why teach them a different word...

Then my stepmom gets on it too, and they both try and make me feel like I'm being silly. I didn't feel silly, but its the 1st time I realized I have been undermined as a parent by my family. First of MANY times, I am sure....

So, in the future, what should I say.

BTDT moms - how have you handled this - I would like to hear from women who have handled it peacefully though - not "I haven't spoke to my MIL in 7 years after she..."

Message edited 5/14/2007 11:27:21 AM.

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

You are the mother. I would kindly remind her how you listened to her wishes of "stinky" and ask her to please do the same for you.
You respected her, she should do the same!

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

If I were in your shoes I'd correct the person who's saying it wrong: i.e. in response to do you want your botty? Reply: "Are you done w/that bottLE or do you want more?" Like every time you hear it said "wrong", follow up w/how you want it pronounced.

In the end, the baby is going to learn from you since that's where he'll hear it the most, so I probably wouldn't sweat it too much. I was the same way about calling things the right name, but now I'm trying to get Ryan to actually SAY bottle so I call it ba-ba since he can make that sound already (just doesn't relate it to an object yet).

But I think your bigger issue is the family not listening to you, and that's just a case of picking your battles bc they all have an opinion! For me, the correction technique listed above is my first resort. I haven't had to actually yell at anyone yet for undermining me, but I'm not above it

ETA extra annoying coming from a stepsis who had her do's/don'ts and held you to them.....that "stinks"!

Message edited 5/14/2007 11:26:24 AM.

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

I agree with you and I also try to use proper words and names when speaking to Steven.

I would have said: "I am his mother and I said NOT to use the word botty to him. When your children were 6 weeks, I obeyed your wishes and you should have the courtesy to do the same. If you don't want to, then you won't be permitted to hold or interact with him."

and I would have left it at that and stuck to my word.

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

Ugghhh...no respect.

It's like it went in one ear and out the other. You know what...I'm a b1tch. I would have said...didn't I just ask you not to use that word? I repect you with "stinky" and I expect you to respect me.
If you don't speak up, they will forever walk all over you.

Bottom line: You're the mom...what you say goes.

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Posted by pmpkn087

I agree with you and I also try to use proper words and names when speaking to Steven.

I would have said: "I am his mother and I said NOT to use the word botty to him. When your children were 6 weeks, I obeyed your wishes and you should have the courtesy to do the same. If you don't want to, then you won't be permitted to hold or interact with him."

and I would have left it at that and stuck to my word.

Thats what I was thinking of saying...

The thing is - my stepmom started telling me - "Well, you speak baby talk with him too" - I tried to explain to her that talk in a higher pitched voice with him because babies respond well to that (its actually termed "parentese") and how can you not talk a little higher to a baby - they are so cute... But, I still use the correct vocabulary with him - but then it escalates into ridiculous proportions...

Message edited 5/14/2007 11:32:07 AM.

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Posted by pmpkn087

I agree with you and I also try to use proper words and names when speaking to Steven.

I would have said: "I am his mother and I said NOT to use the word botty to him. When your children were 6 weeks, I obeyed your wishes and you should have the courtesy to do the same. If you don't want to, then you won't be permitted to hold or interact with him."

and I would have left it at that and stuck to my word.

Thats what I was thinking of saying...

The thing is - my stepmom started telling me - "Well, you speak baby talk with him too" - I tried to explain to her that talk in a higher pitched voice with him because babies respond well to that (its actually termed "parentese") and how can you not talk a little higher to a baby - they are so cute... But, I still use the correct vocabulary with him - but then it escalates into ridiculous proportions...

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

I would probably have said, "This is my child and I would like you to respect my wishes whether you agree with them or not. I always did that for you". Period. I am not one to explain myself over and over again. It is not a democracy. I am the mother and would like that to be respected.

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

I would tell my niece that she stinks.

I was the same way with my children in terms of not creating "cutsie" names - the word "dolly" annoyed me the most. Potty was my only concession.

I think you need to get talk to each of them separately & explain that it bothers you.

If that doesn't work, use the passive aggressive approach & correct them every time. "That's right Cailen, do you want your bottle?"

The goal is not to control their behavior as much as it is to get your son to speak correctly. I still love that my daughter corrected her teacher & said "That's not a doggy. It's a dog."

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

Posted by pmpkn087

Posted by Stefanie

Ugghhh...no respect.

It's like it went in one ear and out the other. You know what...I'm a b1tch. I would have said...didn't I just ask you not to use that word? I repect you with "stinky" and I expect you to respect me.
If you don't speak up, they will forever walk all over you.

Bottom line: You're the mom...what you say goes.

I guess the b!tchyness is in the name

Re: Annoyed - how should I handle this? (family related - yet again, and very long and whiny!)

I think it's annoying if someone ignores what you politely ask, as you did in that situation.

Its a tough call overall though...I just tried imagining my family in the same position..and I have to tell you, they would prob keep calling it whatever they want, but thats b/c we always used diff. words growing up and my family is HUGE...literally tons and tons of babies all around, lol.

They would never remember to use the word I prefer..do you know how many terms we have for pacifier?? Lol!! Thank god my son doesn't even use one, he hates them so i lucked out. For noony, to nuk to paci etc..

My own feelings is maybe to let it slide though where she's concerned. Your son will learn whatever YOU teach him. He isn't going to start calling it a "botty" when he speaks b/c he will have heard "bottle" from you. That is just my opinion. There are much bigger things that can be a pain and an annoyance. I'm not saying your issue isn't important..its important to you and therefore should be respected by your family, but you have to pick and choose your battles. If it were me, i'd sigh and just deal...but...if bigger issues were not respected I would put my foot down!