Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

yes, I am posting under a fake name....

I am a mess and I guess I need to vent. I can already anticipate the responses to this, which almost makes me not want to post.

The issues are that my husband is a compulsive lair & quite honestly, a terrible husband & father. He goes out 2-4 nights a week with his single friends, he goes to strip clubs, he comes home at 4 am. He has never fed our DH ONE meal, never taken her out for a walk, never done anything with her. She is 11 months old. He has never even put her to bed.

I work full time, 40 hours a week & do everything for the baby. He owns his own company & works about 2-3 days a week. He goes out for expensive dinners & leaves me home alone. he buys $400 shoes then yells at me for spending $100 at walmart on formula.

we had a huge fight 2 weeks ago & it got ugly. The police were called. Though I did not ask for it, nor did I choose to press charges, he was arrested & I was granted a restraining order. And no - he did not hit me. He just acted like an animal. He was charged with disorderly conduct. They arrested him for being an a$$hole to his wife, basically.

After 9 days, he had a court date & he (thru his lawyer, his mother & EVERYONE else) begged me to drop the restraining order. He said he was going to grow up, he promised to go to marriage counseling, blah blah blah. So I went to court & had it removed so he could come home.

He was home for less than 48 hours when he said he was "going snowmobiling with the boys." He hasn't seen his baby in over a week yet he chooses to go to away?

He SWORE he's be home by Friday night. Then he claimed they were "snowed in'" Then, on the way home, "the truck broke down." you get the picture.

So I called the place I know he uses to rent his snowmobile. The girl told me he hadn't returned his sled yet. He was out on the trails while telling me they were on the side of the road broken down.

He came home at midnight on Saturday and refused to admit he lied.

Now I go online & check our joint bank account which is our SAVINGS ONLY and I see that he took out over $2K to go snowmobiling. Also, today is Feb 4th & he hasn't paid the rent yet.

Obviously, I have to throw this piece of sh!t out. I just don't know how. He doesn't care about anyone but himself.

he is supposed to go tonight to meet with the marriage counselor by himself. I am tempted to pack his things while he is gone.

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

What a horrible situation. If you really are ready I would have his stuff waiting at the door for him when he comes home. I hate to say that, but it seems he is just unwilling to work on himself for the sake of his child and his marriage.

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

I am so so sorry you are going through this.

If you are going to leave him, you need to make sure you talk to a lawyer so that you dont do anything that could screw up things for you in the future.

You need to document everything that was done/said to you....just like you told us.

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

i'm so sorry for you. it makes everything that much harder because of your daughter. just know that whatever you decide it has to come from thinking long and hard not when you're angry at him. good luck

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Honestly, you need to leave this guy. It doesn't sound like he'll ever put you and your child before his own childish needs—people don't change THAT much. But before I packed his bags or even confronted him, I'd go meet with a divorce lawyer and find out what the best plan of action is.

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

Yikes.
That sounds like one rough situation for you. To me, it sounds as though leaving him would be best but as Lisa said, make sure you keep a timeline of things with dates and times and such so that he can not come back and try to jeapordize your relationship or custody with your child.

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

I agree that you should probably consult with an attorney about your options. Only you know if you are ready to end your marriage or not, nobody can force you if you aren't ready.

As for the police and court order of protection issue; I'm hoping you requested the order be dropped only because you do not feel his is a danger to you and not because his family asked you to do so. Keep in mind, there is an order that would allow him to live in the home with you and your child but is ordered to refrain from acts or threats of violence towards you. For the court to even issue an order to begin with, it seems as though he did something to compromise your safety. If you feel you need protection, speak with the District Attorney who is prosecuting the case. Not sure if you are in Suffolk or Nassau County so I cannot give you a phone number.

All the best to you

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

well as i see it you have 2 options...

kick his arse to the curb, tell him to grow up and move on with your life.

OR

do a trial separation where during this time he seeks EXTREME counseling and also you both attend marriage counseling.

my vote would be for option #2 but only because of your daughter.

either way, your DH needs help. he needs to realize that he cant be selfish, especially with a child in the equation now!

lots of for you!

Message edited 2/5/2008 1:49:04 PM.

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

Are you worried what's going to happen if you tell him to leave? If you already had to call the police once, I might have my parents or someone else there just in case he starts "acting like an animal" again.

I am really sorry you are going through this

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

The first thing you should do is consult a good divorce attorney. Document everything like the PPs said and stay strong! Good luck to you!!

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

So sorry you're going through this!! You'll be in my prayers!! Good Luck!

Re: Anonymous Post - Long.... sorry....

Wow, that is a tough situation. I can tell you what I would do, but honestly, each person is different, and unless I was in your exact situation...well, who knows.

I wish you the best of luck