Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

Anyone ever feel like they gove 110% to a friendship and in return they get maybbe 75% in return. Lately I have been notciing that the people( not all my friends but a lot) i thought i could always coount on the ones i that i always call and check on when they are going through a rough time dont reciprocate and then the friends that i would not consider that close have been more concerned about me than the ones i consider to be the closest to me.

Anyone feel this way? How do you handle it? Do you confront the people and if so how.

Message edited 1/16/2006 9:38:05 AM.

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

I have felt this way in the past - I am no longer friends with these people, because when I stopped putting in my 110% and put in the 75% they put in, we stopped getting along.

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

YEs I have. It becomes a problem when its all the time. I have pretty much cut those people out of my life, as it wasnt worth it to me, I spent too much energy on them.

BUT, what I noticed is you should always wait it out a little if its just recently appeared. I have some friends who seem to ALWAYS be there for me and some who on occasion I wonder, whats going on...then I relaized that it was partially my concept of things..that those I thought werent there, really were, when they COULD be...which wasnt enough to ME...it was really my problem mor ethen them not being a friend. It took a lot for me to realize this, but I just try to look at things differently now. When my friend calls me only once in a blue moon, I do notice that she does give 120% to me, and what Im going through on those occasions and thats all she can do. If I had written her off earlier I wouldnt have noticed that.

But thats not to say there arent some people who you just cant expect much from...In those situations, if your giving and all they are doing is taking, then either change the dynamic of the friendship so your not giving either, or confront them and move on if need be.

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

Yes, because I am the one that no matter what puts 110% into a friendship. I am the one that a person can always count on. In return I dont see that and it hurts. A very old friend of mine told me that even though we dont see each other anymore (she is one that gives 50%) I am the one she can count on if need be. So yes, I understand how you feel and if you want to talk just FM me.

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

YES....I have one friend who didn't even give 50%. She is beyond self absorbed, only called to talk about herself, knew very little of my problems since everythign was about her. And i was there for her anytime she needed me.

But friendships are hard. Not everyone is going to be there for you like you want them to be. We have to accept that part. If you can't, then you have to let the friendship go.

But i must admit, there is one friend i think about quite often and wonder if i should just call.

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

AND i am going to admit...I have been friends with people that i haven't given that 110%.

We can't give that all the time. And for anyone to expect that is silly.

Buti have known that there were certain people that at one point i considered friends who i just knew were way toooooooo "involved" for me. There isn't any amount of time or energy in the world for them. And i knew that i wasn't able to give that...

This is why i know keep a certain amount of people close, girls who i know the friendship is on a mututal level. And although we go through our crazy times,it balances out.

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

YES!!!!

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

I have definitely felt that way before, but I've learned to just accept people for who they are. Just because I feel like I need to give 110% doesn't make it fair for me to expect the same in return. Also, sometimes all people can give is 75%. It doesn't always mean they love you any less.

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

I had a bunch of close friends after high school that made me feel that way. Eventually I was tired of trying and giving and everything else, so I withdrew from them. They didn't even seem to care or notice.

So now I am 23 and to be honest, I have no real friends. and as much as it upsets me, I am happy with my life.

My ex-friends are 23-24 still no real job, and no education. Going out every night partying/drinking/sleeping with everyone

I have a master's degree and a teaching job, married and a baby on the way!

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

This is why I have lost a lot of friends! I know how you feel but if you keep going with these friends you just get so aggravated!

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

I had one friend that I knew for over 20 years, I was always there for her when she was down, but when she was ok she forgot about me. I always gave 110% and my DH would tell me why are you still friends with this girl? I finally woke up one day (recently) and decided I'm not gonna burden myself anymore with this part-time friend.

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

I feel llike this with pretty much all my friends...

I feel like im just used to be there shoulder and to lend a hand,but no one is there for me.... (I solely rely on my mom and DH...there the only ones I can count on)

Truthfully, some are you are better friends, than my bestest friends of years

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

thanks girls i knowq i am not the only one . buit it still su xs sometime swi am like why do i bother .

Re: Anyone ver feel this way when it comes to friends....

I feel the same with specific friends-I think though I just stopped expecting so much from those people once I realized how they were. Then I don't get disappointed anymore. I don't really go out of my way for this person either. If they ever bring it up to me I will explain exactly that-I realized you were wrapped up in your own life and I don't have high expectations from you anymore.