Anyone's parenting style differ so much from a friend that it is impacting your friendship?

I have a good friend, we will call her Jane. We both had DC at the same time. I consider myself a pretty "tolerant" person of different ideas and methods. However, Jane implements all of these parenting techniques without doing her "research" and it just makes me crazy to think she could be harming her DD just because she is lazy and stubborn!

For example:

She is a SAHM and did CIO with her DD for naps at 2 months. She told me her DD would SCREAM for 60 minutes twice a day - the length of time she "should be" (according to my friend) napping.

She breastfed the 1st month and her DD was losing a lot of weight. Our Ped (we go to the same one) said she should supplement for the health of her DD. Jane initially refused and was going to switch Peds. (eventually she gave in to supplementing at the request of her DH). She later told me that she wasn't drinking any water throughout the day because she couldn't be bothered.

There are other examples, but these things just stick out in my head.

And part of it might be ME. Maybe I am too quick to research or JUMP onto LIF and get advice from other Moms but I feel like there's a reason that 20 people reply with the same answer (it works and is the RIGHT answer)...

I KNOW there are worse things, but I find it so hard to be friends with someone who is so thick-headed, does NO RESEARCH on parenting techniques whatsoever, and SNAPS back at you when you try to offer advice or say maybe 2 months is too young for CIO.

It's so sad because we were really close before kids. Anyone go through something similar?

Message edited 3/24/2010 3:04:45 PM.

Re: Anyone's parenting style differ so much from a friend that it is impacting your friendship?

Yes a very dear friend and I. I have a 2 year old son and she has a 1 year old son. She is always critical of me and my parenting style. It's definetly impacting our friendship and not in a good way.

Re: Anyone's parenting style differ so much from a friend that it is impacting your friendship?

yes. We had to stop being friends actually. She just couldn't agree to disagree. She just didn't get that she wasnt going to change my mind about what I believe in. We are polar opposites night and day. She thought things her way were the right way....

Message edited 3/24/2010 2:53:33 PM.

Re: Anyone's parenting style differ so much from a friend that it is impacting your friendship?

I'm going to play devil's advocate here...

Maybe there is something else going on, maybe she has PPD?

I mean, yes, the examples you gave (and I'm sure there are more) aren't GREAT, but they aren't the worst either...

I haven't had to stop being friends with anyone due to their parenting, I don't agree with all of my friends, but at the same time, they don't agree with me. I don't think that I would stop being friends with someone unless they were harming their DC in some way...

Re: Anyone's parenting style differ so much from a friend that it is impacting your friendship?

Yes, my BFF and MOH

Truth be told there were other things at play, but we had little boys 6 months apart and I was thrilled thinking we would be closer than ever, but there was not one thing we handled the same way.

She thought I was nuts for being out and about. She could not relate to my deisre to work and not be a SAHM. She was also one of those "motherhood is sacred, I can never complain about it in anyway people" which I am, um, not .

It eroded our friendship till we really had no common base. We still live 10 minutes away, she has yet to meet DD (8 months old) and I don't see it changing.

It feel like a break up and not a day goes by that I don't miss her and how much fun we once had. I have no idea how to fix it since our parenting styles are so different. It really is very sad and something I never thought would happen.

Re: Anyone's parenting style differ so much from a friend that it is impacting your friendship?

Yes. I think your examples go beyond parenting style IMO, but to answer your questions.....I'm a firm believer in to each his/her own, but it has become more difficult as the kids get older. It becomes a problem when her parenting styles effect my child. (Ie: continuously using foul language infront of my child or asking my child to tell a lie or not disciplining her children when they do something to mine and I always correct/reprimand my child if he does something to her children)