Bat Mitzvah gift?

DH just told me "Go to your boards and see what the girls say is appropriate",.... so here I am!

We just got invited to DH's dad's cousin's daughter's Bat Mitzvah in Virginia. The cousin and his wife are well off and came to our wedding last year and gave a generous gift, $500. I have never been to a Bat Mitzvah and my DH laughed at me when I said that we would give $150. He said that it's a sacrament like a wedding and we need a more "appropriate" gift. However, I wouldn't give $300 for a Confirmation or Communion or a Sweet 16 to someone I don't know, so I'm at a loss for what protocol is.... am I being cheap with $150? What's a typical Bat Mitzvah gift? Please help! :)

Re: Bat Mitzvah gift?

For a family member, I'd probably give $200 for DH and me.

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I gave a $250.00 savings bond.

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If $180 is in your budget it would be nice if you gave that. 18 is a lucky number in the jewish religion so you should try to incorperate it somehow.

Other ways may to be to give $218 or $360 - you get the idea.

Re: Bat Mitzvah gift?

on long island the going "rate" for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift is $250

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the hebrew letters that make up the number 18 spell the word "chai" which means life. it is considered to be a special and lucky number

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Interesting about the 18....

I know Long Island's a different ball game... this is in Virginia and we don't know the girl or the parents...

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did you ask other family members what they are giving?

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Well, considering we didn't receive wedding gifts from most of that side of the family, I'm thinking that they're not the right people to ask LOL and also part of why I don't want to go crazy. I just gave my cousin who's close to me $250 for a wedding. It was what we can afford. does a Bat Mitzvah warrant a wedding like gift? I really am not educated in the significance of the sacrament which is why I asked on here

Re: Bat Mitzvah gift?

A Bat Mitzvah is a rite of passage and a very important one. It is when a Jewish child is recognized as an "adult" in Judaism and must participate in all other rituals as an adult. (For example, fasting on Yom Kippur - kids under 13 do not usually do this)

However a 13 year old is still a child and one should not equate a wedding gift with a gift for a 13 year old. I never did. JMO.

A typical Bar or Bat Mitzvah gift on LI from a couple is usually around $200-250. People who can do more will do more. I have only exceeded that amount of money for my brother's and sister's children. For someone who is not family, they get a standard gift.

Message edited 8/31/2007 11:54:15 PM.

Re: Bat Mitzvah gift?

Thanks Leslie :)

(Can you write a haiku for the card? lol)

So would a $250 savings bond be okay? They are essentially strangers.

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Bond is fine

Haiku:

Overpriced party
Just wait til her sweet sixteen
She will get a car

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Ok I had a Bat Mitzvah too. It was hard work and I earned the party. But it was not an over the top fiasco.

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Thanks for the late night lesson and poetry! :)

I wish people had cared this much about our wedding as a 13 year old's celebration... sort of amazing that you have to go to this event with $200 or $250 but people will come to a wedding without so much as a card... ok, vent over lol

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In all honesty, if the parents do the right thing, any money earned by the child is best invested into a college fund. I am pretty sure thats where most of my gifts went.

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I think a 250 dollar bond would be great - The bonds from my bat mitzvah helped pay for the closing costs to my house!
Honestly, in some places, a bat mitzvah costs as much as a wedding! The way I see it is if the couple gave u 500 for the two of u - give 250 for one of them!
I have a bar mitzvah next weekend (my godsons)! I am giving him an Ipod which is something he has been saving up for and was going to be his one gift from the bar mitzvah money!

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Bar/Bat Mitzvahs DO cost as much as weddings do, but that is because they are often held at catering halls and temples and the dates are NOT negotiable. So if your birthdate falls smack in themiddle of wedding season, your parents are SOOL. They also coincide with the child's birthday and their Torah portion must be practiced for many months.

If anyone has an opportunity, you should see the movie, "Keeping Up With the Steins" with Jeremy Piven. It is a movie about the competitive nature of Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties at the hands of parents who feel as if they must out do each other. It happens all the time - especially in Long Island.

ETA: I dont have a video of my Bat Mitzvah. In 1983, we did not yet have a VCR and if you were a kid who DID have a video, you had 6 full tapes with absolutely NO editing at all.

Message edited 9/1/2007 8:09:05 AM.