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CaidensMommy
My 3 Miracles!
Member since 5/05 5777 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by Erica
Posted by Ambersmom
Melissa:
The problem is, EVERYONE knew this was going to happen a year or so ago. This is not some hidden secret; this has ben common knowledge (since early 2007) that the market has been on a decline. People on this site have been offering you financial advice and/or solutions for several years and you have continually made alternate (and sorry to say poor) choices. There's no sense crying foul now. You can't blame the overall economy for decisions you/your husband have made to make uncessary home upgrades, buy/replace video game systems, etc. EVERYONE should have been in the know about being conservative with spending for quite some time. I sincerely hope you can sell your home soon but unforunately you'll have to ride out the storm like everyone else.
I have to agree with Sharon as well. Melissa, you have been complaining about money since before you got married - 7 YEARS AGO! when the economy was doing OK. Your lifestyle needs to change.
But that's the problem.... we don't have any kind of "lifestyle" and never have!!! We just don't make enough money in our jobs. It's always been the same for us. So when one of us loses our job, it hurts us drastically. We moved down here to NC because it was more affordable, but there came the cut in pay. Prices keep going up, but not the salary. Yes, I have been complaining about money for years, that's because we don't have money to begin with. I don't know how to change that. We don't have college degrees (unavoidable), And yes, right now a college degree doesn't guarantee anything, but it sure does help. My DH salary and mine combined is probably not even 50% of what most couples make up on LI. Probably less than just one person. It's sad what we make for a living. I've worked my butt off all of my life. I've always worked 2-3 jobs for years and years and have nothing to show for it. We were just not fortunate enough and given many of the opportunities that a lot of other people have in life. My family is screwed up and never had money, his family wasn't as bad as mine, but they didn't give him the guidance and opportunities either that could have helped him in life. A lot of people I know have great paying jobs because they were able to go to school, their parents had money, some even supported them through it and afterwards as well. Me on the other hand couldn't even afford community college which is sad. So yes, if there were things I could change, I would have. But I couldn't. This is our life and always has been. We'll never be the CEO of a company, h@ll, not even a manager, it just doesn't work out for us that way. We're not worth much to any company and never have been regardless of how hard we do work. We're not appreciated. Life at home was EXTREMELY hard for me growing up. I truly feel that's why I'm at where I'm at right now... because of my parents. But I'm 31 yrs old, and I don't think it's going to change that much. I'm just hoping to be able to live comfortably with a small savings account. I love my DH and my kids and will do what I need to do for them. But that's what my life is. I'm a mom and I work (don't have a career). Maybe if things were differently in the much earlier years I would be where most of you are today.
So, to sum it up, I really don't have any lifestyle to change as much as I wish I could. My kids have everything they need and always will, they come first. My DH and I don't have nice clothes, and can never afford them, don't have designer brand name things, we don't eat fancy food, we don't EVER go out, we do nothing and buy nothing. And even if we had the money we wouldn't spend even half as much money as other people do just on things. We just don't "have to have" brand names. So yes, compared to everyone else's lifestyle our's is sad. People keep thinking we're out blowing all this money but there is no money to blow. I've mentioned my DH buying a game a while back but it's not like he did it all the time. Once in a blue moon, yes, against my better judgement, but he did. I really can't tell you about money that we just threw away on cr@p???
And since several people keep mentioning it, I know how much my cable bill is, but don't know exactly how much that particular part is. It's a combined package and bill with the phone and internet. So that's why I didn't know exactly the rate we're paying. We've had the package for years now so I forgot. I apoligize.
I would just like to end this post... it's obvious that I just have not given all the details/info over the years (maybe just the bad parts since I'm venting) and recently about what's going on and what exactly has happened etc, and I just don't want to explain myself anymore even though I feel that I need to still. It's my fault for getting into this topic again, everyone has their own opinion that is greatly appreciated by me, but at the same time when I sit here and read the responses and earlier posts that I have done in the past, I don't think all the details and information was given over the years as much as I thought they were. I really feel like I'm being judged, but that's from what I have posted so it's my fault. Any decisions that have been made in the past or recently were done with the best intentions for what was best for us at the time, as much as I hated having to do them. I do wish things were different and I'm hoping they will be at some point. I know some of the decisions we made you wouldn't dare make them, but you truly wouldn't know unless you were in our position. Things change then...
But until then, thank you for all of your help and support and opinions, thoughts, etc. I really, really appreciate them and have definitely made decisions recently based on some of them. Hopefully we'll see some improvement soon and we can move on.
ETA: What I have just posted is not to make excuses for anything. It's to point out how life for us has not been as well off as most of you have it. Opportunities in life, family, school, etc. I'm not saying all of you of course. I know several people who have it hard, it's just that I also know that there are quite a few that don't have a clue as to what it's really like not to have money and not be able to afford to just live. We've made some mistakes and learned from it, but we're paying the hard way. Everyone makes mistakes... we're just trying to fix things and not make the same mistakes, even though you might think we are. I will look into all of your suggestions and ideas, so thank you again!
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Posted 2/12/09 3:02 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource | Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate |
MeNBobs
*****
Member since 4/07 3765 total posts
Name:
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by Ophelia
GET ON YOUR BOOTS
 
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| Posted 2/12/09 3:21 PM |
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Erica
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 11767 total posts
Name:
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
And there YOU go assuming what OUR lives are/were like.
My father was an alcoholic who couldn't hold a job for much of my younger years. But what I did see was my mother who worked her butt off, scrimping and saving, and now is living very nicely in retirement. It CAN be done...it HAS been done. Look at Bill Clinton.
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| Posted 2/12/09 3:35 PM |
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CathyB
Member since 5/05 19403 total posts
Name:
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Don't you work for Duke? Most private universities offer free undergrad and graduate school to their staff, spouses and eventually children as part of the compensation package. Both my brother and I went undergrad that way and I know of at least one person on here who is going to grad school that way.
Also, Fuqua is an excellent b-school and may have a program in place where grad finance students can look at your finances and help you get things in order better than asking random people on the internet.
Good luck.
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| Posted 2/12/09 3:44 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
Name:
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
I am not going to judge you. I hear someone who is frustrated and ashamed of the choices they have made. You are in a hole and its time to get yourself out. People are only privvy to the snippets that are posted so you must understand that the responses you are getting is based on that window you opened and the image you painted. HOWEVER I am not going to make you feel any worse than I am sure you already do--it is pointless.
Your story is not uncommon unfortunately and for every person who makes a success out of their life when faced with adversity there are countless others who do not get the opportunity---how do I know--because I am directly involved in hiring people everyday and I know that someone getting a raise or getting a certain job can map out their future in a positive or negative way. I see people make poor choices and if stops them from getting ahead because they get pigeonholed.
go to a professional, call those credit card companies, exhaust every avenue of help POSSIBLE.
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| Posted 2/12/09 4:10 PM |
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steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Here are my thoughts on things you can do:
- Call your debtors to see what they can do to help you.
- Write down all your debts/expenses and do a budget. You need to know where all your money is going and account for everything.
- Call your cable/phone/internet company to see what other packages are available. If they don't have anything cheaper, shop around and get another bundle package from another company.
- I'm a mom and I know that cable is my saving grace sometimes with the kids, so I know it's hard to consider parting with cable. It's about our sanity sometimes. I would start recording some of their favorite shows on VHS tapes, then you play them over and over. Go to the library and borrow DVDs for movies.
- Keep the house on the market and but know that it may not sell for a while. Call your mortgage company to see if they have any programs bc you are experiencing hardship.
- Your main priorities should be food, utilities, childcare, mortgage then credit cards. You keep focusing about your credit score and at this point it's a moot point IMO. You need to stop using your credit cards to live off of. If you fall behind on one card one month it's not going to kill you. At this point you guys need to figure out a way to survive without racking up additional debt.
- Start looking for things to sell around the house. Sell furniture that you don't use on a regular basis.
- Go to the library and get Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover
You've gotten a lot of great advice from people over the years. Stop focusing selling the house, your credit score and find a new game plan. Good luck 
Message edited 2/12/2009 5:42:36 PM.
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| Posted 2/12/09 4:18 PM |
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Samson7256
LIF Infant
Member since 5/06 93 total posts
Name:
John
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Looks like Oboma's new plan may help you reduce the cost of your mortgage.
"Under the plan being contemplated, mortgage companies would use a uniform eligibility test even before a borrower becomes delinquent, sources said."
Obama eyes home loan subsidies in rescue plan
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| Posted 2/12/09 4:26 PM |
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antoinette
boy mamma
Member since 5/05 2975 total posts
Name:
Antoinette
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by steph4777
. Stop focusing selling the house, your credit score and find a new game plan. Good luck
I agree with this wholeheartedly. It
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| Posted 2/12/09 5:25 PM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Like everyone else has said, you need to focus on getting yourself out of this hole. You are not alone, there are many other people out there like you. Stop worrying about your credit score, etc. because, after you sell your current home, you should make sure you never get yourself into this financial mess again. What does that mean? Learn to live within your means and, remember, not everyone is meant to own a home at any cost.
Honestly, it sounds like things have gotten to the point where professional help is required, whether it be an attorney or a legitimate credit counselor. I honestly, your credit score must not be as great as you think it is if a bank is charging you a 40% interest rate (that sounds like usury to me).
Go get help. If not, you are going to lose everything quickly. If declaring bankruptcy keeps a roof over your head and food on your table, do it. Stop worrying about the future because your present sounds very worrisome.
Good luck.
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| Posted 2/12/09 5:51 PM |
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
You are right. Everyone only knows what you have posted. Please do not look to the internet for advice. Talk to a professional. You don't know who you are taking advice from.
Also you have to make your husband realize how serious this is. I don't understand why he is not on board with the cost cutting yet.
One thing I must say is I know a lot of people who paid their own way through college. Everyone is entitled to govt student loans for a portion of their tuition. And if your family's situation was bad you would have been entitled to grants, work study jobs etc. I hope at the time you looked into it instead of assuming you couldn't afford it.
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| Posted 2/12/09 6:15 PM |
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MegZee
My bunny
Member since 5/06 8777 total posts
Name:
Meaghan
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
I have asked you this before, but I will again:
DO YOU HAVE A BUDGET??
Whatever your income is, you need to write it down. then you need to write down ALL your expenses and see where you can cut down. you will be amazed what you find when you have it on paper.
I will offer again to help you with that .
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| Posted 2/12/09 7:37 PM |
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HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by CathyB
and I know of at least one person on here who is going to grad school that way.
that would be me!
If you work for a University and have tuition remission as a benefit I cannot IMAGINE why you wouldn't take advantage... In my case, it's tacking on an extra $20,000.00 (+ including summer sessions) a year to my salary.
Hang in there... I cannot give you any advice because it seems as though most of it has been covered. Just remember that there will always be someone out there who has to struggle more... We're all struggling in our own ways. Just be strong, brace yourself and get through this.
you have to.
Again, if you have tuition remission as part of your benefits... TAKE ADVANTAGE
Message edited 2/12/2009 9:24:27 PM.
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| Posted 2/12/09 9:23 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by monkeybride
I agree with Ambersmom completely. Sorry but anytime people offer advise you find reasons you can't follow through with their advise.
My advise. Got to the library and get Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and stop making excuses. If you want out of debt you can do it. Stop focusing on selling your house unless you can afford a loss which you can't.
Cut out cable. Sell the video games for money. Sell anything and everything you don't absoultely need to raise some money. It won't be forever. One day you can afford to live and get things back but right now you have two children you need to think about.
ITA also. I've also read some of your previous posts and I don't know if you have a "real" sense of your money and whats coming in and what's going out.
I don't mean to sound harsh at all and I know you are going through a hard time but if you are indeed still current on your mortgage and CC's then I don't understand your previous post where you said that even if you sold the house you wouldn't be able to afford rent/bills etc like you originally thought. You posted something about being in a better school district for your son (which I totally understand) but I think right now you are putting your focus on "what ifs" and not your immediate situation.
If you are current on your bills but feel like you are going to fall behind you need to do something drastic ASAP like Monkeybride said. Cut your cable, sell your DH's game systems and video games, one or both of you needs to get a second job to get out of debt...even if it's at Walmart, Supermarket whatever...get a second or even 3rd job and throw all of that income towards your debt.
Yes it's hard and no one wants to do that but unfortunately you have bills and obligations that need to be paid...same way you charged up your cards (for whatever reason) you need to find a way to pay them. IMO Unless you have exhausted all options you should not look at bankruptcy. Yes bankruptcy is not the end of the world but it should be a last resort. You and your DH both need to be on board and both of you need to make sacrafices...whatever is not a necessity (i.e. cable, eating out, vacations, etc) needs to be cut ASAP until your bills are paid and you are no longer in a financial bind.
The housing market sucks now but it has been going down for a while...this is not news. I also agree that you really should get a copy of Dave Ramseys Total Money Makeover...it's an excellent book and will give you a different perspective.
I have a feeling your DH is not 100% aware or on board with your financial situation either? Correct me if I'm wrong...but you both need to make changes. Good Luck and I really hope you take some of the advice on here.
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| Posted 2/12/09 10:53 PM |
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-Lisa-
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Member since 5/05 6530 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
I stopped responding to your posts years ago because I got tired of saying the same thing over and over, but you saying you didn't know this was going to happen is ridiculous. Over TWO years ago I advised you not to spend money you didn't have on upgrading a house that still would not be worth what you owe on it.
Now 2 years and thousands later, you're in a worse place and crying that you didn't know this would happen?
You keep asking for advise but you keep ignoring it. You're digging deeper and deeper, and I'm being harsh because you need to finally WAKE up & stop making excuses.
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| Posted 2/13/09 10:14 AM |
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ooom416354
LIF Zygote
Member since 1/09 40 total posts
Name:
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
I'm new to this site and have not read any of your past posts but from what others have said you and your husband do not seem to know how to budget your money. I work in manhattan, have two mortgages, one on my apartment and another on a failed investment property in NC. We are all in the same boat as you are. Forget how much you make; it's all relative to where you live. However, in order to make ends meet I cut out spending on everything. Literally everything. You don't need a cell phone with internet and hundreds of minutes. You don't need cable with every channel possible. You don't even need the internet which you use to go on this site! You don't need to have two cars even in some cases where you think you do, you can get by without. You don't need to buy lunch everyday at work, bring it in, you'll save a TON. Make your own coffee at home, that $2 a day adds up. I even ordered home delivery of the NY post because it was like $15 cheaper for the year then if I buy the paper at the newsstand. Train yourself to do that.
No one deserves to be in your position and again I have not read any of your past posts and yet I still think your focus should be on not wallowing over what has happened,but finding a way to pick yourself up and make things better. It can be done, you have to train yourself though. And I also echo what other's say about selling your home. Absolutely do not sell that now. That's your only true asset; you'd set yourself back a heck of a lot further if you sell it at a loss. Your credit should not be your concern either. Focus on selling off anything you dont actually need, and start working harder towards fixing yourself rather then being upset that things turned this way. Join the club, it's affected every one of us.
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| Posted 2/13/09 10:38 AM |
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carlowlou
loving my babies!
Member since 4/08 4594 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
I'm really sorry for your situation. and I know you probably feel awful right now. I have been in a bad financial situation before (although not with a house and kids) and I know how it feels emotionally. it is very very hard and makes you feel very very bad about yourself and choices you have made.
BUT
the ONLY way to get out of it is to start taking the first baby steps.
lots of people gave you great advice here. just choose 1 thing to do today and you will feel better knowing that you started helping your family get on the road to recovery.
The first step i would immediately take is to cancel the cable and internet and even the landline if you have cell phones. you can always rent dvds from the library and use the internet there.
I hope if you make one of the changes I or any of the other posters has suggested today,you will be inspired to keep going and take other more proactive steps to get out of your situation. good luck! 
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| Posted 2/13/09 11:39 AM |
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Have you spoken to a realtor? I know a family member was helping but maybe a realtor who is familiar with your neighborhood and the market conditions would be able to help figure things out. Looking at MLS doesn't always help. People can list their houses for whatever they want that doesn't mean that people pay that amount.
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| Posted 2/13/09 12:42 PM |
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ihilani
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 858 total posts
Name:
alias
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by CaidensMommy
It's to point out how life for us has not been as well off as most of you have it.
From where I sit, you have a two-income family, two beautiful, healthy children, a beautiful house, a job at one of the best places to work in the country that offers a generous tuition program and you're only 31. 
If you won't listen to the LIF crowds, take advantage of one of the fantastic FREE benefits you have at your job: Personal Assistance Service (PAS) is the faculty/employee assistance program of Duke University. The staff of licensed professionals offer assessment, short-term counseling, and referrals to help resolve a range of personal, work, and family problems. PAS services are available free of charge to Duke faculty and staff, and their immediate family members.
link
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| Posted 2/14/09 9:27 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by -Lisa-
I stopped responding to your posts years ago because I got tired of saying the same thing over and over, but you saying you didn't know this was going to happen is ridiculous.
You keep asking for advise but you keep ignoring it. You're digging deeper and deeper, and I'm being harsh because you need to finally WAKE up & stop making excuses.
ore
ITA
And as for your story of how you grew up that is NO excuse. I grew up in a house where we didn't always have electric, we didn't always have food. I only wore hand me downs and there was some abuse going on in my house. Life was rough. I watched my mother struggle and I made a decision to do better. I went to college and got a degree. A degree that I am STILL paying for. I made sure I chose a career that would give me a decent life. I have a masters degree, again a degree that I paid for. NO ONE GAVE ME SQUAT!
My husband's parents said on the day he turned 18 ok you are on your own and they moved to FL. He had to pay to live and didn't have a chance to go to college but he chose a career that was a union job and safe. Does he make great money NO but he chose a safe job.
You keep telling these sob stories and then the next day post things that make your situation worse. You make assumptions about how we live and you know what they say about assuming. Do I live in luxury NOPE. We don't own a Wii or a Xbox. We have not been on a really vacation since 04. (before the kids). We drive Hyundai's. Our house needs work and we do a little at a time.
You need to sit down with someone and figure out a plan of action. I would say a financial advisor or a bankrupty lawyer and then I would suggest going to a counselor too. You need to stop dwelling on the past and all you 'didn't have' and move on with your future. You don't have to let where you come from control where you are going!!!!
I could go on and on but I know in my heart of hearts that all I will write will fall on deaf ears. (or blind eyes)
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| Posted 2/15/09 10:12 AM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by Jamie
I could go on and on but I know in my heart of hearts that all I will write will fall on deaf ears. (or blind eyes)
I think this is the key to any of us who respond. It falls on deaf ears. And typically Melissa will disappear after one of these posts so it's probably not worth responding anymore.
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| Posted 2/15/09 10:35 AM |
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Little-J-Mommy
I'm a Big Brother
Member since 5/06 8041 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Melissa, I'm sorry you feel so trapped in your situation. I know you have been dealing with this forever and as time goes by, it has gotten worse. Unfortunately, I don't have any other advice or solution that hasn't already been offered here.
To some of the other ladies responding, as frustrated as you are that her problems are repetitive....getting on her the way you are isn't helpful for anyone. She is already down and depressed. Sometimes when you're standing in the hole, you lack the energy to do what you need to. Having someone add a shovel of dirt on your head ISN'T going to make it easier for her to do it either.
Melissa....take advantage of the perks working at the University offers. Go talk to someone in the counseling center and work on battling the depression and building your self-esteem to know that you CAN get through this. Come up with a game plan. Take baby steps. I wish you all the best
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| Posted 2/16/09 8:52 AM |
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Shroggie
Don't Worry...Be Happy
Member since 5/06 6261 total posts
Name:
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by Little-J-Mommy
Melissa, I'm sorry you feel so trapped in your situation. I know you have been dealing with this forever and as time goes by, it has gotten worse. Unfortunately, I don't have any other advice or solution that hasn't already been offered here.
To some of the other ladies responding, as frustrated as you are that her problems are repetitive....getting on her the way you are isn't helpful for anyone. She is already down and depressed. Sometimes when you're standing in the hole, you lack the energy to do what you need to. Having someone add a shovel of dirt on your head ISN'T going to make it easier for her to do it either.
Melissa....take advantage of the perks working at the University offers. Go talk to someone in the counseling center and work on battling the depression and building your self-esteem to know that you CAN get through this. Come up with a game plan. Take baby steps. I wish you all the best
You wrote everything I wanted to say.
Good luck
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| Posted 2/16/09 12:56 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by monkeybride
Posted by Jamie
I could go on and on but I know in my heart of hearts that all I will write will fall on deaf ears. (or blind eyes)
I think this is the key to any of us who respond. It falls on deaf ears. And typically Melissa will disappear after one of these posts so it's probably not worth responding anymore.
That is what I was going to say. I also stopped responding to your posts because they go something like this:
Boo Hoo
Poor Me
Thats not true
Poor Me
Disappear for two weeks
Repeat
Sorry to be a b!tch but this is your only contribution to the boards....at all. You seem like a nice person- I think you got some good advice here. Good luck
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| Posted 2/16/09 2:17 PM |
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RocPin
Life's Beachy <3
Member since 2/08 6765 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: Been looking on the MLS for other houses in the area for sale...
Posted by Shroggie
Posted by Little-J-Mommy
Melissa, I'm sorry you feel so trapped in your situation. I know you have been dealing with this forever and as time goes by, it has gotten worse. Unfortunately, I don't have any other advice or solution that hasn't already been offered here.
To some of the other ladies responding, as frustrated as you are that her problems are repetitive....getting on her the way you are isn't helpful for anyone. She is already down and depressed. Sometimes when you're standing in the hole, you lack the energy to do what you need to. Having someone add a shovel of dirt on your head ISN'T going to make it easier for her to do it either.
Melissa....take advantage of the perks working at the University offers. Go talk to someone in the counseling center and work on battling the depression and building your self-esteem to know that you CAN get through this. Come up with a game plan. Take baby steps. I wish you all the best
You wrote everything I wanted to say.
Good luck
Same here
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| Posted 2/16/09 2:28 PM |
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