Big problems with Caiden!

Between me hating my job and having to go back to work and not being able to find another job for myself, my DH not being able to find work and now this. I am sooo stressed out!

We got a call from daycare yesterday about Caiden. We both had to go pick him up. For a few weeks now Caiden has been hitting, pushing, yelling, talking back to his teachers, not listening, etc. at school. They said he's been really bad lately and yesterday he just blew up at them. They had to isolate him in a chair so he didn't hurt anyone else. They didn't tell us about this until yesterday because one of his teachers didn't speak up to the owners because she's been able to deal with it up until yesterday.

He was hitting his teachers, pointing at them telling them no, growling at them and talking mean and yelling at them and his friends. Earlier this week he pushed his friend down and his cheek got cut open a bit and was bleeding. The last few weeks Caiden has been like this at home and we've been trying to do what we can to "fix" it. But I told the owners that we had no idea he was doing this at school. We thought he was doing great because no one told us otherwise. I've even been asking how he's been doing and they've told me good. The owner is telling me that he has so much anger inside and we're going to have to figure out how to help him with it.

I will tell you that he has such a horrible mouth it's not funny. When you tell him something he doesn't want to hear he'll look at you with this mean face and yell and growl at you and then not listen.

We don't know why he's acting like this? It's just breaking my heart. I feel like I'm such a bad mommy.

I'm trying to figure out what's causing it. He's been an angel to his baby brother so I never thought he was jealous, but people are telling me he can still be jealous even though he doesn't act it towards the baby. My DH and I have yelled some and argued in front of him. We try not to, but it does happen. He doesn't get enough sleep because he fights going to bed and gets up so early. I try hard to pay a lot of attention to him. I thought I was doing good with that but I guess not. I just don't know what it is? Maybe a mixture of all of it? I'm sure part of it is the terrible 2's. Also, mommy doesn't discipline him the way I should. Well, I'm not consistent with it so that's probably why.

Basically what it comes down to is that he needs to change his behavior or he's going to be kicked out. I'm screwed if that happens! I can't believe he's been this bad.

The only thing we've come up with is that Caiden now has new rules. He has to earn things that he really wants. If he's not a good boy than he doesn't get it AT ALL! No exceptions anymore! If he's bad or doesn't listen he gets one warning and then he'll be put in time out in his bed. (He hates that!) He will be going to be earlier. He'd fight it for hours and not be asleep until midnight and then want to get up at 4-6am. And my DH and I are not going to argue or anything at all in front of him or while he's awake. We are going to remind each other if one of us starts to sound upset with each other to talk about it later. Other than that, I don't know what else we can do???

Out of all of these downsides, Connor has been great. He has moments but overall he's a great baby!

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what's going on with Caiden and what we can do? I want to help my baby! Thanks ladies!

Re: Big problems with Caiden!

Re: Big problems with Caiden!

Why don't you try to keep him out of daycare for a little bit so he can spend time with daddy while he's not working. Maybe he is seaking attention and if daddy is home with him and can do things with him it might help.

Good Luck

Message edited 12/9/2006 1:10:46 PM.

Re: Big problems with Caiden!

I don't know if it will help but I saw a segment on Rachael Ray the other day with a Pediatrician whose got a book out and she dealt with jealousy of older sibling. She said they are acting out for attn and even if it's bad attn it's attn. So she said give them a lot of praise and attn when they do something good, even if it's something tiny like

You did so good putting on your PJs , etc.

I don't know if you've already tried postive reinforcements, but it's worth a shot.

Re: Big problems with Caiden!

I also heard that you shouldn't have them associate bed with being bad. I would find another place for his time outs. I am soo sorry you are going through this.

Re: Big problems with Caiden!

I also suggest having another place for time outs. Perhaps have a naughty chair for him. Every time he misbehaves have him sit in it for 3 minutes since he is 2.5 yrs old. I read somewhere that you use the amount of minutes in time out according to the age of the child.
It sounds as if he is acting out for attention. You have to discipline him consistently or it will only get worse. I speak from experience, my oldest one had a bad temper too when he was younger. Also, make him to go bed early, he should be sleeping at least for about 10 hrs. We did this with my son and it helped a lot. He was a happier toddler when he had a good night sleep.
Things will get better, many 's for you!

Re: Big problems with Caiden!

Thanks ladies!

The thing is, is that we've tried the chair thing before and it doesn't work with him. The only reason we went to using his bed was because nothing else was working. Using his bed has been working. The problem at night with him fighting going to sleep is that he has 1 million excuses as to why he needs to get out of bed. He goes into his bed fine. It's the matter of staying there. He wants juice, he has to go potty, he wants to give me a hug and kiss, he wants to tell me I love you, the bad guys are going to get him, etc. (He's been into getting the bad guys lately? ) He got that from the older kids in his class. So, I don't know what to try next? When we do time-out we do use the minutes going by his age. The technique only works when he's in his bed. On average he's only been getting about 6-7 hours of sleep a night. I don't know how to keep him in bed longer in the morning. He's been getting up around 5:00-6:00am. It used to be around 6:30-7:00am. It doesn't matter what time he falls asleep either. He just wants to get up and go watch TV and drink chocolate milk whenever he opens his eyes. We're definitely going to enforce a stricter bedtime and discipline him more. My DH is pretty good about it, it's harder for me. Especially when I'm busy with the baby. He loves to act up then.

Thanks for the advice ladies!

Re: Big problems with Caiden!

He is definitely acting out for attention, any kind he can get. I agree, do not associate bed with bad. You want him to go to bed and sleep, so that can not be mixed. Try making a chart with stickers or stars. When he does something or anything good, he gets a sticker. When he has so many stickers, completes a row etc, he gets a treat. He could get a sticker for going to bed, which would be a big help in getting him down earlier at night. Stickers for eating all his breakfast, helping with the baby, being good in school etc. And tell him, if he fills up his row with stars he will get to pick any toy he wants at the toy store or it can even be a special treat after dinner. Lots of different ways to do it, and make it fun for him. Be excited when you tell him about it. Tell him that this chart is special and only certain little boys get this opportunity.
I also agree that since your DH is not currently working during the day, maybe keeping him out of school for a day or tow here and there and just spending time together would help.
Good Luck!!