BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

I'm expecting DS #2 any day now and I am so torn over whether to have my 2 yr old DS come to the hospital to visit me and the baby while I am there.

I'm worried that DS#1 is going to have a hard time adjusting to why I'm not home with him for a few days (he's very attached to me) and then I picture him coming to visit and totally melting down as to why we can't leave together and I'll feel horrible.

BTDT moms with young older siblings, what did you do? What was their reaction?

I thought if anything I would have him come up with DH when we leave with the baby and we all go home together as a family. I want to make this as smooth of a transition as possible. TIA!

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

How old is DS #1?

I was hospitalized for almost a week when I was nearly 22 weeks pregnant. DS#1 was 1 month away from 2 years old at the time. He did really well with me being there... even though he is super attached to me. We explained it to him as best as we could and he visited almost every day.

When I had the twins, I had a c/s and was in the hospital for 4 nights... again, Logan came every day and it really wasn't so bad. He was happy to see me and the only crying when he & daddy left was my own!

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

We had DD come up to the hospital to see me and DS...she is 4 years old.

The first night was fine, no melt downs or anything but the next 3 nights she would be fine leaving but when she got home my DH said she would cry for me a little bit.

I think I wouldnt have done it any other way. I liked that when she was there with me it was also her time to bond with the baby so that she didnt feel left out.

Good Luck

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

We did bring DS1 up to meet DS2 in the hospital. But he was there for a short period, maybe a 1/2 hr and then my mother brought him home so DH could stay. It was weird for him and he seemed confused, he was only 2 1/2. But he got to see I was ok and met his brother. He did come up the next day to bring DS2 home from the hospital as a family, and seemed much better that day, so I do think the visit helped. And the ride home together.....

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

DS #1 was 18 months old when DS #2 was born. DH brought him to see me, but he came with my MIL also and they brought toys fo him. He acted out a bit but it was good for him to see me and his baby brother. He was overjoyed to see me and didn't want to leave, but since I was in the hospital for 4 days I felt it was better for him to come than not come.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

DS was 3.5, he came to the room right after I delivered and he came to see us the next day. We prepared him for me not being home and staying in the hospital, but he 'got it' a little more because he was old enough. He did great with the whole thing and he has always been super attached to me. Not sure how old your DS is. DD will be about 27mos when I deliver #3 and I plan to have her come visit as well. Daddy or grandparents will do fun things with them at home to keep them happy.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

DH and my parents brought the boys to see me everyday when I was in the hospital. They were 22mo. I think it would have confused them if they didn't see me for 4 days (particularly since I went into labor early, thought I was going to the hosp just as a precaution, and didn't even really say goodbye to them). It's hectic having them at the hospital but the nurses were great----they even brought the boys "Big Brother Ice Cream" as a treat. Even if it's only for an hour or so, I think it's worth it.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

My kids have always visited me during hospitalizations. DD1 was 13 mths when DD2 was born. She visited twice (right after baby born- came to delivery room, then regular room, then left with grandparents, and the next day for a long visit, and left with grandparents again.) It was great, and I got to spend some time with her while other family held the newborn.

Then, when older DD was 2 and younger one was 11 mths, I had spinal surgery. I was in a sort of SICU unit the first night, so they didn't visit then. But I got a private room after that so that the kids could visit, and they came each day I was there. My DH and parents explained mommy has a boo boo in her back that the doctors fixed. Again, it was great. The 2 year old was rubbing my legs to take care of me.

Then, about 6 months later, I was hospitalized again for lyme disease. I was in ER at first and they didn't know what I had. I was in isolation so obviously they didn't visit me because there was a chance I was contagious. Once I was in a room and confirmed that it was lyme, they came to visit again.

No issues at any of the visits

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

I had my DS stay home with DH and grandma. He was used to me going to work anyway & didn't really flip out.

I decided not to have him visit at the hospital at all to avoid the issue of having him leave me (he was 17 months old) and think it was a good decision.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

It never occurred to me that my DD might react badly, but she did and just as you fear - she lost her MIND when I didn't leave the hospital with her.

And unfortunately, it happened twice!

I thought I was going home so DH and DD came to pick us up, but then I found out they weren't releasing DS (he was jaundiced) and I refused to leave without my son. So DD left kicking and screaming 2 days in a row.

If I could do it differently I certainly would.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

DS#1 was 2.5 and came to the hospital to see DS#2. He was so excited and happy to see the baby.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

My older DD was 2.5 years old when I gave birth to my 2nd DD and I did not have her come to the hospital. I was fearful about her having to leave me and I didn't want to traumatize her. I think it was the best decision for us at the time.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

My older son (a big mama's boy) was 22 months when his baby brother was born. My sister watched him while I was in the hospital each day until my husband got home. Declan was born around noon on a Saturday. As soon as Kieran got up from his nap, my sister brought him to the hospital and they stayed a few hours. She did the same on Sunday, and then on Monday, my husband came to the hospital with him and we all went home together. It went very smoothly. I would not have been able to go that long without seeing him (unless of course I thought it would be traumatic for him) and he was great. Each day, when it was time for him to leave, he got a little sad for a minute, but never cried. We told him he would come back and see me tomorrow, etc. and he was fine!

Message edited 6/6/2012 9:51:34 PM.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

Thank you all for your responses. It sounds like most of your LO had a good experience with the whole thing, that gives me hope.

I forgot to mention that DS is 26 months.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

I shed so many tears during my pregnancy because of this issue. I didn't want my DS to feel abandoned when I was at the hospital, but I didn't want him to be upset if he had to leave without me. I think the most important thing in making the decision is your DSs temperament. I was discharged 24 hours after giving birth..but my baby needed one more night. So, that was 2 nights I stayed away from my son. I chose to have him come visit the day after she was born and leave without us. Here are some of the things I did.
~When DS arrived, I made sure baby was in the nursery so he and I could spend some private time together. On his way up, I cried so hard...I couldn't wait to see him, but I knew that he would face the change in his world any second and I was so sad for him. When he got there, he was his happy self. I loved snuggling with him in my hospital bed. He was more excited about all the new gadgets in the room though!!! After about an hour, I asked him if he wanted to go pick out a baby from the nursery to bring home. He was really excited by this idea. We walked down there together and he saw a present in one of the bassinets with his name on it!!! (I put it in there before wheeling DD down). He pick out that baby and he pushed her bassinet back to the room all by himself. The 3 of us hung out on my bed together. He explored every area of her. He opened his gift and was so psyched. He said, thank you baby sister...and gave her a delicate hug. Then they both nursed....I asked if she was latched on ok and he studied it and approved :). Then he held her hand and caressed her arm while I did the same to him. It was a magical moment for all of us. I know that he felt just as loved and just as connected to me and somehow I trusted myself to be able to love both so intensely and so completely. Anyway....after our visit...I had DS wheel the baby back to the nursery. This was a key component of the plan. I didn't want him to leave with just her and I staying behind. So, we told DS that mommy and baby were both going to their own rooms to take naps and see the doctor. We dropped off baby and then I had to say goodbye to my favorite boy in the whole world. I bit my lip and fought so hard to keep the tears away. I looked at him, told him how much I loved him and how happy I was that he came to seem me....and then said....See you Later Mashed Potater...instead of goodbye. He happily said goodbye to me and he and DH were on there way. The same feelings of love and acceptance have continued from him to her...and she just turned 4 months yesterday. He's no longer nursing...but I do think that helped immensely. (Even a joint bottle session that is snuggly and close could prove beneficial). The next day DS and DH came to pick up "the girls". Our ride home as a family was really sweet! I'm very happy with my decision to let him come to the hospital before discharge day. I didn't think that I wanted him there for fear of his reaction.
Anyway....just to let you know...my anticipation of the event was FAR WORSE than the actual event. Those moments were some of the best, most powerful and most treasured of my life. I hope you have a great experience too!! Best Wishes :)

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

DD came to see me when DS arrived. She was 2.5 at the time, and she was FINE.

She and DS came to see me when DD2 arrived. DS was 21 months. DD was a little over 4. She had a hard time leaving the first night, because it was a short visit. But she was fine the second day. DS was fine.

My thought is that it's important to include them. I think your DS will be fine.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

I had my parents bring my son up to the hospital everyday. He was the same age as yours and I had a huge bag of toys there for him so every time he came he had a new toy from his baby brother.

I am giving birth again next week and I am having my parents bring the boys up everyday again. I didn't get them anything from their baby sister yet though so I have to get on that.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

DS was 20 months when DS2 was born, and to be honest, I feel it didn't phase him at all. He came up to visit the first day, and then the next day I was home. He had so much fun visiting and we kicked everyone out of my room for the introductions of big brother little brother. He was fine leaving and I am super happy that he came up to see everyone!

When it came time to pick me up from the hospital, he stayed with a realtive for a few hours, just because it was time consuming. I lterally waited until the nurse had pretty much discharged me to phone my husband and have him leave the house.

Good Luck, its about the best feeling ever however you decide to have them meet

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

i had my ds' come up when i had #3, they were just 25 moths. they did ok, only stayed like ten mins and seemed sad....so i didnt have them visit again, but its good for them to come so they know where u are

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

DD #1 was 27 months when DD#2 was born. I had her come to the hospital every day. I packed a small backpack with toys for her to play with when she was there. I also brought a child size fold up (like camping) chair for her to sit in - made her feel special and allowed for more adults to sit in the other chairs.

She loved coming to visit and seeing her little sister - especially with her big sister t-shirt on. I would also recommend putting a picture of DC in the bassinet with your new LO - they love to see themselves!

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

Not a BTDT, but we recently took a sibling preparation class with DS at the hospital. It included a tour of the maternity ward, a video about being a big brother or sister, making a birthday card for the baby, diapering a stuffed animal, talking about the baby, etc. DS is a little older, but I think it helped a lot. I think he's going to be excited about going to the hospital to visit his new sibling. We talk about the baby being born in the hospital and how he'll come visit. I will likely have a c-section and plan to have him visit at least a few times, possibly each day. Good luck!

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

DH would drop DS at my mom's in the morning and then spend the day at the hospital. My parents would visit with DS at dinner time and leave him with us. DH would bring him home to sleep.

It worked out really well.


When DD was born, it was a bit different, since it was during Hurricane Irene, but after the hurricane subsided they 2 came to visit, then visited their cousins for a few hours and came back. (I had a lot of alone time during the hurricane...which I kind of liked!)


For DD, DH had my DSs wait in the lobby with my mom when he picked me up. We could hear them coming down in the elevator before the door opened. They were so excited.

Re: BTDT Moms with two or more children - Need your Advice please!

I brought my kids to meet their new brother. My2 year old was happy to see me, she cuddled me for an hour. I would def, bring your DC, to see you at least.