Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

Every holiday is tit for tat with both families.....mainly because I am super close with my super-controlling mom and DH is a momma's boy, and his mom is passive aggressive which he doesn't see.....

So anyway...I said weeks ago that going out to dinner was probably out because it's such a nightmare, maybe we could just cater it at our house or go to the DeSeversky Center where it might be less crowded. DeSeversky isn't doing it this year, so that's out.
I also said that I didn't want to go to his mom's house when she offered because we're all going to be there for Father's Day, and her house is kinda small and if the weather's not good we are all stuck in her house. Plus I get roped into cooking and cleaning and end up not ejoying myself.

My mom and I decided to do our garage sale and see how it goes even though it's mom's day....then maybe both families could get together for an early dinner at a local place that might not be that crowded.....

I ask DH if this sounds good and he starts that he won't see his mom until 4:00 then and I'll be with my mom all day....

BTW...DH pays softball every sunday, so he's not around till about 2:00 anway.

He then calls me to tell me that his mom "offered" to cook (read: I'm convinced they already had this planned) and after the garage sale we can have dinner there. Ummmm, didn't I already say that I really didn't wanna go there? Is anyone listening to me, or asking me what I want to do for Mother's Day means nothing? DH swears he didn't hear me say I didn't wanna go to his mom's.

So now we get into it and even though going to the restaurant is a logical idea, because it was MY and My mother's idea, suddenly we are controlling.....and now AGAIN, I am the bad person here....

I really can't win......

Are there any other suggestions before I sit at home by myself and order takeout? I really am beginning to HATE, DESPISE, LOATHE evetry holiday because of this.......

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

sounds like both of you planned the day around your mothers, and thought the other mom would go along for the ride.

what about YOU?! Personally, I wouldn't want to have a garage sale that day... I'd want to go out to brunch with DH and DC alone... have them acknowledge you being 'mom'....

I think a good compromise would be to go to neutral turf in the afternoon with both moms... so it doesn't end up being one whole family and the spouse's mom... either your home, or out, like you suggested...

but in order for that to seem appealing to your DH and his mom, you really have to compromise your garage sale plans as well....

HTH

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

I think DH should visit his Mom in the morning and spend the rest of the day with you and DC. I hope it all works out. You do what makes you happy!

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

I normally try to bend over backwards to make everyone happy at holidays. This Mother's Day I am making myself happy.

My SIL and I wanted to do brunch at the Milleridge, we thought it would be nice to eat and then walk around after. We invited MIL/FIL and the rest of their family. They all declined for different reasons. We still aren't sure why MIL isn't coming. She then says that we can go there after lunch. You know what - I want Jack to take a good nap because then we are going out to dinner with my parents. I told DH absolutely not. We are up at the crack of dawn anyway, so we will stop there for a half hour before brunch. It's not my fault if she doesn't want to go out with us. We offered - she declined.

I also normally see my aunts/grandmother. I am not this year. We are having a nice dinner with my parents and that's it.

I think you have to decide what it is you really want to do and tell DH. Not for nothing but you and Gavin are his family now, and while I totally respect that he wants to see his mother (I hope Jack would want to spend the day with me down the road also) I think he needs to listen to what YOU want to do and make it work from there.

And, this is why I hate when it comes time to planning holidays!

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

I would do what you want to do... I hope everything works out!

(I like to people please and tend to always do what everyone else wants to do ~ I envy the people that do what makes them happy)

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

Thanks ladies!
The garage sale is just to get it done, otherwise it wouldn't happen till mid-June!!!

And I'm not doing it on Mother's Day just to be closer to my mom, that's what I'm trying to get DH to understand.......I just wanna get it out of the way.....it may end up being a flop anyway.

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

Forget it all! It's YOUR mother's day too. Why would you have to sacrifice all the time and give in to DH and his mom?

Do what you want to do? If that means not seeing MIL... whatever!

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

I would tell DH that YOU are a mother too and that THIS year, it is ALL about YOU, and YOU do NOT want to go to his mother's house, YOU want to go out to dinner after the garage sale, and he can join you or not, but you and Gavin are going! (and you have to mean it, and take Gavin and go - even if it's just to McDonalds).

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

i totally hear you! i was not looking forward to my first mother;s day b.c of all the driving and craziness until i put my foot down.
my mom lives in ny we live 15 from lincoln tunnel in nj and mil lives 45 mins south of us in nj,

we are smack in the middle. it will be physically impossible to make all 3 moms happy. we decided to do my mom on saturday- give her a full day of fun.
and on sunday morning i will do brunch with dh and my dd and then do a dinner with mil. next year, we will spend saturday with my mil and my mom will get sunday evening.

honestly, i think you are spreading yourself too thin- which is what we ALWAYS do on the holidays.. we end up sitting in traffic just to make both sides happy.

i really think you should split the holiday and make it saturday and sunday or go out to eat with all the moms after your garage sale.

atleast your moms get along! my mom and mil do not get along-which would make our lives easier if we could do just one place with both families!

Re: Bummed about Mother's Day...what else is new?

Okay this may sound really selfish, but this is my FIRST mother's day and I said screw everyone else, this is about me. They are all more than welcome to join us, and if they don't they don't. oh well.

If they want to see their grandchild, they will accomodate. Remember, you are a mother now so you play into the equation to. It is not about making the other moms happy.