Change of life

How do you figure out what to do with your life? What guides you?

There are 2 things I want in life
*To teach
*Another baby

If I stay in NY I probably won't get either of these things but I'll be comfortable, and with my family and friends.

If I leave, there is probably a 90% chance I will get both of these things.

Start packing????

ETA: DH has been desperate to leave NY for years. He believes it would make him so happy. We stayed for me.

Message edited 1/18/2011 3:45:18 PM.

Re: Change of life

Having made a number of major life changes in the past 12 months, I would say do what you need to do to make you happiest.

Sometimes you need to take the chance and follow your gut to find true happiness. Sometimes the change happens and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Either way, I think it's a good thing that should be embraced and experienced.

If all else fails, you can come back to the life you now lead. But if you never try to do something different, you'll never know if it was meant to work out.

I'm sorry, I guess my answer didn't really tell you what to do, but I just feel it's not something anyone can tell you to do. It's something that has got to come from within.

Good luck!

Re: Change of life

Re: Change of life

Is this a change of life with or without your DH? You mentioned "I" but what does he say? Is he staying or going?

Re: Change of life

I know this is something you have been struggling with for a while. Has he not changed his mind at all on having another baby??

Re: Change of life

Re: Change of life

Posted by CouponKT

I know this is something you have been struggling with for a while. Has he not changed his mind at all on having another baby??

Re: Change of life

Re: Change of life

don't go

Re: Change of life

There is nothing quite as good as a fresh start in life! And its never too late.

I feel your pain, I too am contemplating a change in life and am constantly fluttering between "go for it" and "Oh, I'm not sure" I am probably going to go for it!

Good luck with your decision!

Message edited 1/18/2011 4:02:45 PM.

Re: Change of life

I keep trying to think of something that will help you decide either way, but can't think of anything profound.

I'd say that if you are considering moving, because it would make him happy, don't do it just for him. Make sure you'll be happy too. If you're worried about stable jobs, research and actively look for jobs where ever you want to go. Don't go and THEN look for jobs. I would have to have an offer in hand before I left my family and friends.

You said you're 90% sure that you'd get a teaching job and have a baby. Why only 90%? Is there a possibility that DH will change his mind on the Baby thing? It would not be fair to uproot your family for better jobs and a bigger family if DH will keep putting the baby thing off for 'when things are more stable.'

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Re: Change of life

I agree w/the the other ladies suggestions that if it does not work out, you always can come back. I am finishing up my masters in EDU...no job in sight...I basically just flushed 40k down the drain.....we cant move b/c DH is the majority bread winner and he has to stay close to the city. He cant retire for another 15yrs at least and we are 33....so we will not be able to wait to have kids.

If I were you, I would go. It breaks my heart that I will probably have to cut the # of children I want to have b/c of the economy.

Good Luck.

Re: Change of life

If staying means you can't complete your family, I would go.

I could not sacrifice a child to stay on LI. It would not be worth it to me if I really wanted another baby.

Re: Change of life

Posted by 1stimemom

Posted by neener1211

I keep trying to think of something that will help you decide either way, but can't think of anything profound.

I'd say that if you are considering moving, because it would make him happy, don't do it just for him. Make sure you'll be happy too. If you're worried about stable jobs, research and actively look for jobs where ever you want to go. Don't go and THEN look for jobs. I would have to have an offer in hand before I left my family and friends.

You said you're 90% sure that you'd get a teaching job and have a baby. Why only 90%? Is there a possibility that DH will change his mind on the Baby thing? It would not be fair to uproot your family for better jobs and a bigger family if DH will keep putting the baby thing off for 'when things are more stable.'

Exactly what I told you. I would 100% make sure you both find a job 1st, but other than that, I am 1000% for it! I will miss you, but IF you HONESTLY think it would make Mike happier, and you would be happier without the stress and working 3 jobs - teaching- loving what you do - TOTALLY go for it. After we got off the phone the other day, I spent 3 hrs looking (and fantasizing) about moving to these other houses/places and tried to convince Frank ( to no avail)

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Re: Change of life

In order to change things you need to make it happen. Nothing will change if you don't change what you are doing.

Make a list of what you want and approach it like a project.

What you want
When you want it to happen
How you are going to make it happen

Then implement your plan of action


You might have things that don't go exactly as you want during the process (longer than expected, financial situation changed, etc..) but keep your eyes on how you can navigate to get there.

Re: Change of life

I moved here to be with my DH, left a stable teaching job I'd had for 8 years in MD. I got a great job, have made friends and am happy. Yes my family is far, but I can get down there, and they can get here. There are days I'm upset about it, but our relationship and family is the most important. If you want to build your family, and this is the way to do it, do it. Nothing is set in stone, you can always come back.

Re: Change of life

I will say this...
if your dh is truely your BF, relocating will be okay.

if your dh is not, I imagine it is lonely and overwhelming.

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Do you have a place in mind that you would go? Would you be happy living there?

I want to leave NY so bad. So does DH. But as much as we want to go, we are sooo afraid to make that leap. I totally know how you feel! Llife would be SO much better for us out of NY where things are not soo expensive. But both of our families live here and we would be the first to leave. It's something I struggle with everyday.....thinking "should we go?"

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You and I are in the same boat. Except I'm on baby #1. I got pregnant before I got the teaching job. DH and I don't think we'll be staying on Long Island. I applied for CT certification, so we'll see how that goes. But DH and I have to take a chance.

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Re: Change of life

Posted by twinkletoes807

Posted by Janice

I will say this...
if your dh is truely your BF, relocating will be okay.

if your dh is not, I imagine it is lonely and overwhelming.

This. You've written about your relationship with DH many times and of course, since I don't know him personally, I can only comment on the pieces that you've chosen to share. It seems that he has been not very nice to you in the past, and I pray that it has changed. I know you want a baby soooo much, so if you think you can find happiness in another location, I would go for it. Just please Annie, for once, think of yourself too, in this situation.

Re: Change of life

DH and I were faced with this decision almost a year ago. We both had jobs on LI but we looked at houses and knew it was going to be a struggle, especially with the taxes. We would basically be working just to pay bills, nevermind factoring in daycare. There was no way I was willing to limit the number of kids I wanted, or having kids at all, just to stay on LI.

I got an amazing job offer upstate, we bought a house, and we are very happy. Hoping to start on the family soon

Good luck in whatever you decide. We left our families and we are surviving. Yes I do miss our friends and families at times but we have made new friends and see our families about once every month or every two months.

Re: Change of life

Don't go! But you have to do what is best for your family. The one thing I will say from someone who tried moving OOS is when you are used to having family around and suddenly don't, it is very hard

ETA-you also have to think if you will become resentful. That is what happened with us in Florida. I started becoming very resentful because I hated it so much. If that baby doesn't happen, would you be resentful? My point is there is no cut and dry answer. You need to do pros and cons.

Message edited 1/18/2011 9:35:09 PM.