Re: Change of life

If you go and give it a fair chance, what do you have to lose?

You can always come back.

Re: Change of life

Posted by munchkinfacemama

Don't go! But you have to do what is best for your family. The one thing I will say from someone who tried moving OOS is when you are used to having family around and suddenly don't, it is very hard

ETA-you also have to think if you will become resentful. That is what happened with us in Florida. I started becoming very resentful because I hated it so much. If that baby doesn't happen, would you be resentful? My point is there is no cut and dry answer. You need to do pros and cons.

Re: Change of life

Posted by maybeamommy

Posted by munchkinfacemama

Don't go! But you have to do what is best for your family. The one thing I will say from someone who tried moving OOS is when you are used to having family around and suddenly don't, it is very hard

ETA-you also have to think if you will become resentful. That is what happened with us in Florida. I started becoming very resentful because I hated it so much. If that baby doesn't happen, would you be resentful? My point is there is no cut and dry answer. You need to do pros and cons.

And just on the other end of the spectrum...

We moved to San Diego and lived there for three year. BEST THREE YEARS OF OUR LIVES! Honestly. We moved back to NY to be near our families and have regretted the move ever since. We are actually considering going BACK there because we were just so much happier with a variety of things there.

As PP said, you can always come back if things don't work out.

Re: Change of life

Annie we are in the same boat. I think I want another baby (this week anyway) and if we move out of NY we can do that AND I could probably be a SAHM, another dream of mine.

I think today was the first day DH started taking me seriously about looking for a palcement at an airport down south.

I would miss my family - and I think they would be REALLY mad at me for leaving - but in the end I need to live my life for me and my DH and kids, not my parents. They made their choice, now I get to make mine.

Not sure if that helps but I really see where you are coming from

Re: Change of life

Re: Change of life

hey!

I think you have to really think if u want to stay together, if you do then leave.
I feel if he stayed for you then take a chance n leave for him. What can happen? u get great jobs? lower cost of living? another baby? u just won't have your extended family.
Guess what? you do! they never leave you!!
even if you got jobs here its more expensive n they u r locked into jobs here for pensions so if you do that will he resent that later on? you can always come back.
Thing is..if you do not try the unknown and just try are you going to spend your life saying, "What if?"
thats my advice-don't know if its good advice but its mine..good luck! xoxo

Re: Change of life

Posted by maybeamommy

Posted by munchkinfacemama

Don't go! But you have to do what is best for your family. The one thing I will say from someone who tried moving OOS is when you are used to having family around and suddenly don't, it is very hard

ETA-you also have to think if you will become resentful. That is what happened with us in Florida. I started becoming very resentful because I hated it so much. If that baby doesn't happen, would you be resentful? My point is there is no cut and dry answer. You need to do pros and cons.

And just on the other end of the spectrum...

We moved to San Diego and lived there for three year. BEST THREE YEARS OF OUR LIVES! Honestly. We moved back to NY to be near our families and have regretted the move ever since. We are actually considering going BACK there because we were just so much happier with a variety of things there.

As PP said, you can always come back if things don't work out.

Re: Change of life

This is the very same decision that DH & I have been facing for the longest time. Of course none of our friends or family want us to move, but if we do move out of NYC we can have everything we will ever want. (dream home, as many kids as we want & all the time in the world to enjoy them)
We have began to take the steps necessary in order to move out of NYC. Unfortunately for us its a big waiting game since DH is currently unemployeed. He took a state exam in October & has another one coming up in February. If nothing comes out of ether of these then its back to school for him & onto making a new plan.

Re: Change of life

I did it. I moved upstate with DH right after we got married. I will say that the first year was ROUGH. But it was the combo of being newly married AND being transplanted to a new place that made it rough.

You already have your marriage "figured out". Now I am glad we made the move because both have good jobs here, we have a good size home, and are mayyyybe contemplating baby #3 (god, did I actually just write that)... things that just wouldn't have been possible had we stayed on LI.

Also, since we moved, a LOT of our family has followed us here! You never know - when your families visit they just may decide to stay! (It has both been a blessing and a pain, lol)

As someone who was faced with that decision, that is my $.02 and how it worked out for me. GL!

Re: Change of life

IF I had the chance to get outta NY...............I would be GOOOOOONE!!!! Speaking as a teacher, unless I want to go back to the cr@p hole that is the city I will never teach again because it's IMPOSSIBLE to get a teaching job on the island. It's SOOOO expensive here and SOOOOO overcrowded that I would happily move if I wasn't stuck in this stupid house being upside down in my mortgage.

DH and I have a 5 year plan..........we should be out of debt within the the next 5 years and within any luck we will be able to sell our house and then we're gone. I want an easier, more comfortable life for me, DH, and our DD. Living here means giving up a lot...........no new cars, no big house, no vacations, and worse.......having to live paycheck to paycheck.

I think the benefits of leaving NY far outweigh staying. Would I miss my family and friends? Of course but I need to look out for my family now and we'd be better off leaving. I wish I could do it tomorrow.

Re: Change of life

I would start scoping out jobs and see where you would want to move. Me and DH have been thinking the same thing and with the prices of everything here it really makes more sense to move OOS and save soo much.

Do you know where you want to move to? I would start researching jobs and places to live in that area and see if what you thought is really whats out there and then make your decision.

If you are going to be much happier there it would be worth it. Family can visit and you can visit family also.

Good Luck

Re: Change of life

Re: Change of life

Posted by mikeswife06

Posted by neener1211

I keep trying to think of something that will help you decide either way, but can't think of anything profound.

You said you're 90% sure that you'd get a teaching job and have a baby. Why only 90%?

And only because nothing in life is 100%

And, I would totally get a job before leaving! I'm not going to move and be in the same position

Re: Change of life

Annie, my brother and SIL just moved down to NC. After not being able to find good jobs here and knowing that she wants to stay home when they have kids, they knew NY was not an option.

My brother landed a job with a company he's worked with before and he loves it. They went down to get him settled and within a week my SIL had 4 job interviews. She hadn't been able to get 1 here!!!!

They moved down about 2 months ago and they absolutely love it. Do we all miss eachother, absolutely! But its only a plane ride away and we all signed up for travel points so soon we'll be able to cash those in.

It was honestly a great move for them. They are both making great money, looking for houses and just enjoying themselves. No financial stress and no family stress either (moreso for her).

I think its something worth doing. Its not like you'll never be able to come back if it doesn't work out. You'll never know unless you take the chance.

Re: Change of life

I just want to make another point, not saying this is the same for everyone. A lot of people say, oh try it and if you don't like it, come back. I thought that too before I relocated with DH to Florida. Moral of the story-you know what we are dealing with. It is really not that easy, and if DH really likes the other place and you don't, it makes it harder. I personally wish it was as easy as if I don't like it, we can come back, but I know from my own experience now that it is not.

But also there is another question-where are we talking?

Even now, I would move to NJ or CT, even Delaware, Pennsylvania and Maryland. Why? Because I can get into a car and realistically drive here and come for a weekend.

Florida I don't have that luxury.

So proximity to NY is another question. Can you get here realistically to spend a weekend, a week, whatever?