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concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
Had to mask my identity incase there is anyone on here that knows me
A friend of mine who has a toddler boy uses cocaine on the weekends at parties. She actually drinks alot as well. Seems as if she is always dropping her son off at his grandparents to party. Its very strange because she is a very responsible, hard working adult- actually a boss of 13 during the week but on the weekends she is a completely different person. I just dont get it. I think its horrible. She doesnt seem to think anything is wrong with this behavior being that her child is away and she doesnt do it with him around. I have been distancing myself from her but its very hard because we are close friends. We have been friends since college and our sons play together since they are the same age. I have done my fair share of partying thru college ( who hasnt?) but I havent in years and I wouldnt DREAM of doing anything now that I have a child. I hardly even drink anymore for the mere fact that my child may need me and I wouldnt want to not be able to care for him cause I was drunk. I dont know how to approach this, its bad enough she doesnt really ask me to hang out with her anymore cause she knows it makes me very uncomfortable when she parties . I dont want to come across as the prude *** party pooper but its just not right when you have children to do this. What do you think? Should I say something?
btw: she parties with our other mutual friends who dont have kids presently- both her and her husband partake in the same activities.
Message edited 7/5/2007 11:41:42 AM.
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Posted 7/5/07 11:39 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Calla
My girls
Member since 7/05 4303 total posts
Name:
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Re: a mom that uses drugs...
I'm glad to hear that she is at least responsible and makes sure her child is with the grandparents while she is under the influence. I don't think its your place to say anything -- I would expect the grandparents to get fed up at some point though!
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| Posted 7/5/07 11:42 AM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
Sorry to say, it, really, isn't your place to say anything. She's a grown woman and can do what she wants with her life. Unfortunately, it may impact her child. Sooner or later, the child's grandparents are going to say something. If you do decide to speak up, realize that, no matter how you approach this, there will be hard feelings and you, most likely, will lose what is left of this friendship. It's hard to watch your friend do what she is doing. There just isn't much you can do to stop it.
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| Posted 7/5/07 11:52 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
Posted by Calla
I'm glad to hear that she is at least responsible and makes sure her child is with the grandparents while she is under the influence. I don't think its your place to say anything -- I would expect the grandparents to get fed up at some point though!
I agree with this. Although, knowing me I can't keep my mouth shut and would tell her that what she is doing is wrong. You sound like it is really weighing on your mind and like it is causing a rift in your friendship, in which case, I would suggest distancing yourself from this friend.
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| Posted 7/5/07 11:52 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
tough one but I agree that it is not really your place to say anything....aside from mentioning that you do not condone her behavior.....I hope she cleans up for her child's sake 
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| Posted 7/5/07 11:52 AM |
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partyof6
b nice like u want ur kidz 2
Member since 7/06 7752 total posts
Name:
jeannine
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
I am sorry my thoughts are alittle different.
If she drops off her kid to someone to watch does he spend the night?
Does she drive with him early the next day? I am sure in same way the kid has been in her car when she is not 100%.
People who do blow all night are overtired the next day and well..still stoned.
I would not give a rats *** if she thought I was a party pooper. I bet u do not either..what you really hate is probably confrontation. I do too..alot of us do.
I think though..it cannot hurt to say something it can only help-its not like u are going to lose some great friendship,
Call her up if its better not face to face or if u can do face to face do it.
Tell her..I might be crossing the line and maybe u think its not my business but I needed to tell u as my friend I feel u are hurting yourself and your child,.
Your child is not getting the real u..and bla bla bla..
and then tell her I am sorry..i cannot be your friend right now.
Its too hard to be friends with someone that can die from a overdose and someone has to explain it to their small child..
You can then tell her if she ever needs help or something like Narcotics anonymous u will be there for her.
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| Posted 7/5/07 12:14 PM |
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Dragonfly75
I love Hypnobabies
Member since 3/06 2333 total posts
Name:
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
You might remind her that, god forbid if she ever gets busted using illegal drugs, social services would be all over her and she could lose custody of her child -- especially if her husband is using illegal drugs, too. Not saying that would definately happen, but it could -- is it worth the risk?
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| Posted 7/5/07 12:39 PM |
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snuggleupagus
I'm a rolling machine.
Member since 9/06 2064 total posts
Name:
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
Posted by lastchance1222
I am sorry my thoughts are alittle different.
If she drops off her kid to someone to watch does he spend the night?
Does she drive with him early the next day? I am sure in same way the kid has been in her car when she is not 100%.
People who do blow all night are overtired the next day and well..still stoned.
I would not give a rats *** if she thought I was a party pooper. I bet u do not either..what you really hate is probably confrontation. I do too..alot of us do.
I think though..it cannot hurt to say something it can only help-its not like u are going to lose some great friendship,
Call her up if its better not face to face or if u can do face to face do it.
Tell her..I might be crossing the line and maybe u think its not my business but I needed to tell u as my friend I feel u are hurting yourself and your child,.
Your child is not getting the real u..and bla bla bla..
and then tell her I am sorry..i cannot be your friend right now.
Its too hard to be friends with someone that can die from a overdose and someone has to explain it to their small child..
You can then tell her if she ever needs help or something like Narcotics anonymous u will be there for her.
I agree. This isn't much of a friendship if she's this kind of person to be honest, so you won't lose much. What if you were in her car, she got pulled over for speeding and for whatever reason, they decide to search her car and she had some leftover items from the weekend in it? You'd be at risk as well....so for your own good, I'd hope you would speak up and protect yourself. And of course, a REAL friend would want to help a friend be a better person/mother/wife/etc...
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| Posted 7/5/07 12:46 PM |
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
Posted by snuggleupagus
Posted by lastchance1222
I am sorry my thoughts are alittle different.
If she drops off her kid to someone to watch does he spend the night?
Does she drive with him early the next day? I am sure in same way the kid has been in her car when she is not 100%.
People who do blow all night are overtired the next day and well..still stoned.
I would not give a rats *** if she thought I was a party pooper. I bet u do not either..what you really hate is probably confrontation. I do too..alot of us do.
I think though..it cannot hurt to say something it can only help-its not like u are going to lose some great friendship,
Call her up if its better not face to face
or if u can do face to face do it.
Tell her..I might be crossing the line and maybe u think its not my business but I needed to tell u as my friend I feel u are hurting yourself and your child,.
Your child is not getting the real u..and bla bla bla..
and then tell her I am sorry..i cannot be your friend right now.
Its too hard to be friends with someone that can die from a overdose and someone has to explain it to their small child..
You can then tell her if she ever needs help or something like Narcotics anonymous u will be there for her.
I agree. This isn't much of a friendship if she's this kind of person to be honest, so you won't lose much. What if you were in her car, she got pulled over for speeding and for whatever reason, they decide to search her car and she had some leftover items from the weekend in it? You'd be at risk as well....so for your own good, I'd hope you would speak up and protect yourself. And of course, a REAL friend would want to help a friend be a better person/mother/wife/etc...
I agree with both of these responses to the max- I talk to Dh all the time about it and how would we explain to their son if something should happen to his parents- how awful to have to think of this. Im having a hard time with the confrontation aspect of the whole thing.
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| Posted 7/5/07 12:52 PM |
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preciouslove
I love my DS!!!
Member since 5/05 9340 total posts
Name:
Blank
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
If it's a friend I truly cared and loved deeply then there is no way I could sit back and let her ruin her life that way. Uh uh sorry... I am opening my mouth and saying something.
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| Posted 7/5/07 12:52 PM |
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partyof6
b nice like u want ur kidz 2
Member since 7/06 7752 total posts
Name:
jeannine
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
Posted by concernedfriend
Posted by snuggleupagus
Posted by lastchance1222
I am sorry my thoughts are alittle different.
If she drops off her kid to someone to watch does he spend the night?
Does she drive with him early the next day? I am sure in same way the kid has been in her car when she is not 100%.
People who do blow all night are overtired the next day and well..still stoned.
I would not give a rats *** if she thought I was a party pooper. I bet u do not either..what you really hate is probably confrontation. I do too..alot of us do.
I think though..it cannot hurt to say something it can only help-its not like u are going to lose some great friendship,
Call her up if its better not face to face
or if u can do face to face do it.
Tell her..I might be crossing the line and maybe u think its not my business but I needed to tell u as my friend I feel u are hurting yourself and your child,.
Your child is not getting the real u..and bla bla bla..
and then tell her I am sorry..i cannot be your friend right now.
Its too hard to be friends with someone that can die from a overdose and someone has to explain it to their small child..
You can then tell her if she ever needs help or something like Narcotics anonymous u will be there for her.
I agree. This isn't much of a friendship if she's this kind of person to be honest, so you won't lose much. What if you were in her car, she got pulled over for speeding and for whatever reason, they decide to search her car and she had some leftover items from the weekend in it? You'd be at risk as well....so for your own good, I'd hope you would speak up and protect yourself. And of course, a REAL friend would want to help a friend be a better person/mother/wife/etc...
I agree with both of these responses to the max- I talk to Dh all the time about it and how would we explain to their son if something should happen to his parents- how awful to have to think of this. Im having a hard time with the confrontation aspect of the whole thing.
exactly what I thought--the confrontation part.
CAll her..
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| Posted 7/5/07 1:03 PM |
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Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
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Re: concerned about a mom that uses drugs...
Posted by lastchance1222
Posted by concernedfriend
Posted by snuggleupagus
Posted by lastchance1222
I am sorry my thoughts are alittle different.
If she drops off her kid to someone to watch does he spend the night?
Does she drive with him early the next day? I am sure in same way the kid has been in her car when she is not 100%.
People who do blow all night are overtired the next day and well..still stoned.
I would not give a rats *** if she thought I was a party pooper. I bet u do not either..what you really hate is probably confrontation. I do too..alot of us do.
I think though..it cannot hurt to say something it can only help-its not like u are going to lose some great friendship,
Call her up if its better not face to face
or if u can do face to face do it.
Tell her..I might be crossing the line and maybe u think its not my business but I needed to tell u as my friend I feel u are hurting yourself and your child,.
Your child is not getting the real u..and bla bla bla..
and then tell her I am sorry..i cannot be your friend right now.
Its too hard to be friends with someone that can die from a overdose and someone has to explain it to their small child..
You can then tell her if she ever needs help or something like Narcotics anonymous u will be there for her.
I agree. This isn't much of a friendship if she's this kind of person to be honest, so you won't lose much. What if you were in her car, she got pulled over for speeding and for whatever reason, they decide to search her car and she had some leftover items from the weekend in it? You'd be at risk as well....so for your own good, I'd hope you would speak up and protect yourself. And of course, a REAL friend would want to help a friend be a better person/mother/wife/etc...
I agree with both of these responses to the max- I talk to Dh all the time about it and how would we explain to their son if something should happen to his parents- how awful to have to think of this. Im having a hard time with the confrontation aspect of the whole thing.
exactly what I thought--the confrontation part.
CAll her..
It also sounds like you are closer than what you lead on if you and DH would be the ones explaining to her child.
I agree, forget about the confrontation part and CALL HER.
Tell her how you feel, at least the burden will be off your shoulders and you could rest easier at least knowing that you did what you could.
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| Posted 7/5/07 1:09 PM |
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