Daycare discussion - all welcome

I work full time, but I'm fortunate enough to be able to work from home 2 days a week and only need to put DD in daycare 3 days.

Here's the thing - several of my friends and coworkers actually think I'm doing my DD a disserivce by keeping her home 2 days a week. From their prespective

1) there is a lack of consistency. Somewhere it's proven children that attend 5 days a week adjust better/faster.

2) I'm not fully attentive to her while I'm working from home

3) She's losing out on playtime/fun and learning with other babies that I can't give her while working

Now part of me feels that some people are somewhat defensive or have their own guilt issues to resolve, but another part of me feels they have a point. (I'm not speaking for everyone. I know for some FT daycare works for them and there is no guilt.)


I'm not opposed to daycare, I actually think there are positives (in addition to the negatives), but in my heart I don't want to put her in daycare full time. For me it would actually be the easier thing to do (working from home and taking care of her is not easy).

Anyway I'm going to do what works for me and my family, but I'm interested to hear what others think about this. It just got me thinking since quite a few people said the same thing.

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

If you are comfortable with the current arrangement, then there's your answer.

Personally, I think 3 days is enough consistency. It seems like you have the best of both worlds.

To address the other points, is *anyone* 100% attentive 100% of the time while they are home with their children? For example, Katherine is on the floor watching Sesame Street right now--am I directing all my attention on her? Obviously not. You are not going to let her languish away or get injured because you are working.

As far as #3, if she is playing and learning with other children 3x a week, I don't see how she's losing out. Look at it on the flip side, if she were there 5x a week, maybe she'd be losing out on interaction with her mommy.

I'm pretty envious of you!!

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

right now i have hannah in dc 3x a week and 2x a week she is home with me. its the best thing right now for her and me. she is happy to go to dc-she never cries when i leave and i am happy to have her home with me while i can.

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

Posted by Eireann

If you are comfortable with the current arrangement, then there's your answer.

Personally, I think 3 days is enough consistency. It seems like you have the best of both worlds.

To address the other points, is *anyone* 100% attentive 100% of the time while they are home with their children? For example, Katherine is on the floor watching Sesame Street right now--am I directing all my attention on her? Obviously not. You are not going to let her languish away or get injured because you are working.

As far as #3, if she is playing and learning with other children 3x a week, I don't see how she's losing out. Look at it on the flip side, if she were there 5x a week, maybe she'd be losing out on interaction with her mommy.

I'm pretty envious of you!!

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

Jodi- I think consistency/inconsistency is a load of nonsense. What matters is how things work overall for you as a family. Hannah will be healthy and happy either way.

Here is a thought though- I work from home 2-3 days a week and I have my mom watch him on the days I am in the office and a nanny while I am at home. I would not be able to get ANYTHING done without a nanny but Matty is a pretty demanding baby.

What about bringing her to DC 5 days a week but on the days that you are home just drop her off for a few hours- that way, you don't have to worry about the "inconsistency", you can devote yourself to work while she is gone and then when you pick her up you can devote yourself to her more.

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

I personally think that you should do what works for you and your family...I honestly dont think that the "inconsistency" will effect her in any way. If I had the option, I would only put Jacob in daycare part time as well. I think that the overall amount of time that she will spend at daycare doesnt matter. Its a positive that she is even in daycare part time and exposed to other kids for socialization

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

I think the inconsistency arguement doesn't hold much merit unless Hannah is really struggling with adapting to daycare.

I work from home 20 hours a week. Right now it is super slow and I have zero work to do so all is good (plus I'm salaried! BUT, I do struggle with that exact thought that am I doing my kids a diservice by keeping them home with me while I work? Sometimes I have to put in a video and let the kids watch TV so Ican make a call. And I feel guilty. But, using any kind of formal daycare would not work out financailly..I might as well quit my job.

But I enjoy the work and it is something I do for me. I make an effort throughout the day to have one of one palytime with both kids and not not do any work. So we have a routine of sorts where I work, we play, I work, we play, etc. Even if I wasn't working I wouldn't play with them every second of the day. That's not healthy for them or me.

Do what is best for you and your family. As long as you are getting your work done, I'd support your decision to keep Hannah home with you on those 2 days.

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

Posted by Eireann

If you are comfortable with the current arrangement, then there's your answer.

Personally, I think 3 days is enough consistency. It seems like you have the best of both worlds.

To address the other points, is *anyone* 100% attentive 100% of the time while they are home with their children? For example, Katherine is on the floor watching Sesame Street right now--am I directing all my attention on her? Obviously not. You are not going to let her languish away or get injured because you are working.

As far as #3, if she is playing and learning with other children 3x a week, I don't see how she's losing out. Look at it on the flip side, if she were there 5x a week, maybe she'd be losing out on interaction with her mommy.

I'm pretty envious of you!!

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

While I would love to be a SAHM with Liam, I feel that having him in daycare is doing him worlds of good in terms of socialization skills. In terms of him napping, it's not great but I think it's the place and not daycare in general, as I think if I was able to have put him in the first choice daycare, he would have been ok with naps (it's a bigger infant room and they don't have to have the lights on in one area all the time, I don't think - that is the main problem where we are now, it's a smaller room, so it's a bit noiser, and bright lights that they not allowed to turn out at all). Otherwise I am pretty pleased with this daycare. His "teacher" loves him to bits.

I think for me, the best situation would be to have Liam in 5 days/week but work at home. Why? I have a 2 hour commute each way. It kills me to leave at 6:30am before he wakes up and get home anytime after 6pm and if he didn't nap well at daycare, then he's falling asleep at 6:30pm (or already asleep) and there have been days I literally did not get to spend any time with him at all because of it. So if I could work from home, drop him off at 8am, work from 8;30am to 4:30pm and get him at 5pm, I would love that. I would even do 3 days at daycare and 2 not at daycare, but I think I would hire someone to watch him at home for a few hours so I could concentrate on my job. The type of position I have, I can't put off what I do until night hours, it's a thing where it has to get done when it's asked of me to do it. So for me to be watching him during the day...too hard.

However I will say this. Now that he's 10 months old he is content to play by himself in the pack n play for a bit while I get things done around him. As long as he knows I'm in the room or around the corner, he's cool with that. I put foam letters (from his interlocking mats, the letters are cutouts from the mats) in with him and he has a ball - he loves those things. And his blocks, and a leap frog thing (it's the table w/o the legs)...hours of fun. I was able to do a ton of computer work yesterday morning while he played in it. He'd look up at me, smile, and go back to playing. I was actually amazed he wasn't clingy or wanting me to pick him up. He's maturing!!
So maybe your DD once she gets to that stage where she can play on her own and not need your attention all the time, you will find you can get more work done. If that is how you want to do things, I say stick to it and if you're co-workers don't like it (that is if you're still able to produce the same work you were before) then tough on them. If it's something where your work has dropped a bit, then you may have to re-evaluate, but you don't say that so I am thinking your colleagues just are ticked off you get to be home 2 days/wk and they are not.

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

Posted by nrthshgrl

Posted by Eireann

If you are comfortable with the current arrangement, then there's your answer.

Personally, I think 3 days is enough consistency. It seems like you have the best of both worlds.

To address the other points, is *anyone* 100% attentive 100% of the time while they are home with their children? For example, Katherine is on the floor watching Sesame Street right now--am I directing all my attention on her? Obviously not. You are not going to let her languish away or get injured because you are working.

As far as #3, if she is playing and learning with other children 3x a week, I don't see how she's losing out. Look at it on the flip side, if she were there 5x a week, maybe she'd be losing out on interaction with her mommy.

I'm pretty envious of you!!

ITA. Ideally I would think that if you could get 2 days together versus splitting them up, she would have that consistency. The only time it would be an issue is if:

1 - your work isn't getting done
2 - she is the type of baby who has a hard time adjusting back to daycare - screaming, crying, etc. (even then it usually isn't like that all day - just when the mom drops off/picks up)

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

Right now I have DD in daycare 3x a week and home with me 2x a week. It works great and I don't feel she is missing out on anything. Personally, I think the mix is great. At home since I can't devote every minute to her she learns to occupy herself by playing with her toys or whatever, which I think is something that all kids should learn and that would be hard to learn going to daycare five days a week. This way she doesn't need my attention all the time, yet she is still learning, she figures things out on her own, plays on her own, gets into trouble very well on her own, etc. When Hannah is a little bigger and she can sit on the floor an play with toys herself you will find it a little easier to leave her there and do your work.

I had the quilt feeling too when DD was so small, but I took breaks and read to her, did tummy time, etc. So don't beat yourself up about that. Besides at daycare the ratio is 4 to 1 right, so Hannah is not always having constant attention by the daycare provider either.

Like you said, you are going to do what is best for you and your family but I don't think you are short changing her on anything now.

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

Sounds to me like you ARE being consistent...DD's routine is 3 days at daycare and 2 days at home, while you work. If you do that every week, then there's your consistency. I don't see any difference with 5 days at daycare and weekends at home. Should we send our kids to daycare on Sat/Sun just so they don't get out of their routine. I WISH I could work from home 2 days a week. You're lucky that your job offers such an awesome perk.

Maybe you can't give DD 100% of your attentionon the days your work from home, but it's also important for her to learn to entertain herself. We all know that at daycare each baby is not being tended to every minute of the day...it's impossible!

You're doing the best you could for your DD...your doing what works best for you and your family. Sounds like you're doing a great job!

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

if you are happy w/ the way things are-then that is that- my DD doesn't have consistent care throughout the week- i have a caregiver in my home 3x a week and my mom in my home 2x a week- the good thing is the location doesn't change- which is good- and she gets to be home-which is great... so hey- if it is working for you now I bet it is 100% fine- there are no tried & true rules with taking care of babies anyway, right?

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

I think 3x a week is plenty of consistency. As for working from home, we all do stuff during the day when our children are around- I am sure you give her plenty of attention- you are a great mom!

I think as long as your arrangement works for YOU, then Hannah is fine. Remember Happy Mom, Happy baby.

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

Thanks everyone!!

I would never give up my 2 days at home. I need to be with her as much as I can. I don't get 2 steady days, which makes getting a nanny/mother's helper hard. They are actually considering taking one day away - but I will leave and go PT if they do that.

Re: Daycare discussion - all welcome

Things can still be consistent - she will get used to her daycare days and her mommy days - each one will have structure.

I know my days with Cailen on the weekdays are different than weekend days. There are 2 different routines even when I'm on maternity leave....

Do what works for you. If I could have him go part time, I totally would!!!