DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

uuuuggggghhhh! okay, heres the story, hard to follow- DDs bday is 6-22 (friday), DH has off that thursday, friday, and sat....we were planning a party for sunday until we realized DH doesnt have off-SO, we had decided wed do it on saturday, around 3- (a good time as per her nap) and a BBQ in ILs backyard (note- me and DH live in a big 2 BR apt, so we wouldnt do it here and HAVE to do it at ILs)...another note- that sat is DHs sisters bday, hannahs aunt, shell be 22....(side note- when going to the hospital on the 22nd at 9:30, i told the dr i have GOT to push this child out before midnight so she can have her own birthday haha)........ANYway, thats the background.....i just got off the phone with MIL, and she said, well, it IS beccas birthday you know? we cant just kick ppl out and make sure we do something for her birthday, and we cant do it as hannahs birthday brunch (around 12 or 1) bc its not a good time for her (man, so sorry my DH is a year old and takes a mid-afternoon/late morning nap, God!)...her suggestion- why dont we do it the week before or the week after? of course, i cant say anything, shes not my mother, but damn!!! the sister has been alive for 22 damn years!!!!!! this is hannahs FIRST BIRTHDAY!!! and u want to do it the week before or the week after, first of all...who does bdays the weekend before the bday? to me, bdays are always celebrated after- even if the bday is on a monday, i would do a party the following weekend.....and my DDs bday is on a friday, im not waiting the following damn weekend when that weekend is perfectly fine.....cmon people, i just dont get it....okay, i get that is is her daughter, but this is MILS first and only grandchild, celebrating her first darn year of life, youd think DD would trump! i am so irritated...man, i wished we had bought a house by now, and then i would be saying,w ell, its MY DD, and so its on sat, i dont care about my SIL....(ps- thats y we thought we would do it on sun in the beginning, to avoid SILs bday, but it is impossible for DH to take off work, and so it is my freaken DD, and if we didnt need them for their house and a BBQ, i wouldve said shove it)......anyway, so now im thinking no BBQ, and just do it in our apt anyway??? i mean, it might get tight (im thinking we might have about 20-30 ppl), but i dont care, im not doing it the weekend before or the weekend after, and i DEF think DD should trump on sat...and u know, SIL should step to the plate too, and maybe not be selfish about her birthday when it is her nieces as well...! shes been away at college, how many time have the actaully celebrated her bday anyway on the actual day???????

uggghhh, sorry ladies, i am just mad about this whole thing, i just want DD to have the best party- i know, shes only going to be one, and the isnt going to know the difference, but i dont want a bad taste in my mought about this whole thing, and it alreaday seems that i might........

ps- i have so many mil stories, it is crazy, but this is just her, always choosing and making sure what is good for her and HER kids, and i swear she forgets that DD is her blood too.......

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

The whole situation stinks! I agree with you about having it your apartment. This way you can do what you what, when you want.
You would think that a first birthday would be first priority. Sorry that some of your family members are being so ridiculous! Don't let them rain on your parade. You have a beautiful daughter to celebrate!!!

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

Is SIL having a 22nd b-day party???? If not then I dont see why its a problem...

I do however think if you DO have it on her b-day you should have a small cake for your SIL as well... to be nice! But thats JMO

We dont have a backyard to have a party in either- so when DS turned one, if we wanted to do the backyard thing, we had to ask one of our parents...

Of course we went to my parents, I would never ever have something like this at my IL's house... My MIL is a great party planner and would be very helpful.. but she would also be very controlling and would feel she had say in everything since it was her house... I just wasnt dealing with that cr@p...

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

Ok, I'm going to be the one to play devil's advocate here.....you're using MIL's house for DD's birthday party. If she just didn't want you to have it that day because she just didn't want you to have it that day, then, I don't think you can really complain. It's not your house. I also understand that you don't like bday parties the weekend before, and that your husband has to work, but I don't really see the big deal doing it another day, unless there was some extenuating circumstance making that the only possible day for her party.
And listen, I know all about difficult MILs. Mine is so bad that we don't even talk to her anymore, but I think that sometimes, you just have to pick and choose your battles. Of course DD's first birthday is important, but don't just assume that because SIL is turning 22 that it shouldn't be AS important. That's not fair to say. JMO. I say do it at your apartment on the day that is good for you.

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

The only way for you to do what you want when you want it is to have it at your apt. I would absolutely have it at your apt. MIL's are super annoying, so avoid it all together and have the party at your house or at a park where you can reserve a picnic area.

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!-update

after thinking about this all a little i realized that heck, i dont want DD to have to share her special day on her aunts special day...my little girl is turning one, i dont want to do two cakes, sing two birthday- id like it to be about her... soooooooooo- im thinking me and DH will do it on her actual birthday, friday, here in the apartment around 4 or 5, get pizzas and stuff like that... the only thing about having it outside that would be nice is hannah getting to throw her cake everywhere without me getting paranoid ....thanks all, for the advice- i was quick to post and vent right after i got off the phone with MIL.... now i am way more calm....

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

Posted by sumlynmad

after thinking about this all a little i realized that heck, i dont want DD to have to share her special day on her aunts special day...my little girl is turning one, i dont want to do two cakes, sing two birthday- id like it to be about her... soooooooooo- im thinking me and DH will do it on her actual birthday, friday, here in the apartment around 4 or 5, get pizzas and stuff like that... the only thing about having it outside that would be nice is hannah getting to throw her cake everywhere without me getting paranoid ....thanks all, for the advice- i was quick to post and vent right after i got off the phone with MIL.... now i am way more calm....

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

Posted by sumlynmad

after thinking about this all a little i realized that heck, i dont want DD to have to share her special day on her aunts special day...my little girl is turning one, i dont want to do two cakes, sing two birthday- id like it to be about her... soooooooooo- im thinking me and DH will do it on her actual birthday, friday, here in the apartment around 4 or 5, get pizzas and stuff like that... the only thing about having it outside that would be nice is hannah getting to throw her cake everywhere without me getting paranoid ....thanks all, for the advice- i was quick to post and vent right after i got off the phone with MIL.... now i am way more calm....

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

I think that's the best plan.

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

I would just be careful that your MIL doesn't say something like, "well since everyone will be together Friday night, let's just have a cake for Becca then."

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

Posted by majen

Posted by sumlynmad

after thinking about this all a little i realized that heck, i dont want DD to have to share her special day on her aunts special day...my little girl is turning one, i dont want to do two cakes, sing two birthday- id like it to be about her... soooooooooo- im thinking me and DH will do it on her actual birthday, friday, here in the apartment around 4 or 5, get pizzas and stuff like that... the only thing about having it outside that would be nice is hannah getting to throw her cake everywhere without me getting paranoid ....thanks all, for the advice- i was quick to post and vent right after i got off the phone with MIL.... now i am way more calm....

That sounds like a better situation for you! Good luck with it

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

I have a different opinion on sharing birthdays... My birthday is on the same day as my Grandmother. She passed away almost 6 years ago. Anyways it was really special for us sharing that birthday, especially since she lived with us. If she was away during the month of February she would always tell my aunts or uncle that she had to be home by the 26th because she wanted to celebrate her birthday with me, her birthday partner and she would tell everyone she knew that she and I shared a birthday. Since her death I have always felt this emptiness on my birthday. I still celebrate it but there's always that feeling that something is missing and it's my Grandmother. But she's with me in spirit, always.

As for your situation I do understand that you want your daughter's 1st birthday to be special and there is nothing wrong with that. Having it at your place is the best solution. Just make sure that your MIL knows that the party on Friday is for Hannah and not Becca.

If you have any questions or need advice on the party planning FM me anytime...

Message edited 4/26/2007 12:01:33 PM.

Re: DDs 1st Birthday-MIL vent!!

Gosh, are you guys the best, or what??!! thank u so much....and sorry my first post made me sound like a selfish rat! i didnt even look at it from the other side, just DDs side...bedda26, i see what u are saying...and they dont even share the same birthday, now i actually think i would feel bad for becca, seeing as though for 21 years shes celebrated her b-day solo...and bdays are special, it is supposed to be your special day of the year, so now im understanding and i was just blinded by the love for my daughter last nite...nferrandi- good point! didnt think of it that way....!!!! uuugghhhhh