Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

Had this discussion with a friend today and was wondering what others thought.....

To be clear, I don't mean a child always getting their way in life. I refer to a child who grows up always receiving an abundance of things that are of material substance, clothes, toys, etc (from family, friends, parents,etc). What's your view on this? Do you feel it can be a negative and why? If not a negative, then why? Or do you feel it varies based on many factors in the child's life?

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

Lucky kid

hahaha

I dont think WHAT they have or how MUCH they have matters as much to what they understand it means to APPRECIATE those things.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

I don't think having material things is necessarily a negative, it's how they are valued that is important. If parents raise the child to value possessions over people, then it's a problem.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

My kids get a LOT from family & friends.

Honestly, I HATE IT! I actually looked at their pile of Christmas toys and was actually heartbroken. I hate the fact that there are kids relying on donations just to get one toy under their tree at Christmas. It hurts my heart to know there are kids that would appreciate this stuff so much more than my kids.

I hate the fact that my kids are so spoiled that they "expect" things by now. Everytime they are at the store, Grandma buys them something. Every time my OOS family comes to visit, they bring something.

I can't blame my kids for getting what they do... they have people who love them and like to spoil them. But in reality, it makes them not appreciate what they have and they are always wanting/expecting more

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

I think it depends upon how you are with your child more than what they receive. If you go to the store and every time get something for them, they are going to expect to receive something when they go shopping. It is a learned behavior. If a family member always brings things when they see your DC they are going to expect a thing rather than be happy to see the family member.

Do my children have toys? Yes. They have more toys than I did as a child. The difference for me is that I only had one grandparent that was involved in my life and no other extended family. My children on the other hand, have both sets of grandparents, a great grandma, three uncles and an aunt. Because there are more people to purchase them things, they have more things.

I have had conversations about this with our families and they understand - we now try to go for experiences i.e. ice skating, skiing, swimming, shows, museums, and vacations over more toys. They do get toys for traditional events (birthdays and holidays). I agree with dpli - we place the emphasis on being with people over getting new toys.

ETA: The other thing I have tried to instill in my children is the value of a dollar. I think that understanding what things cost, where they are from, the resources used to make them, the value of your time and their quality are important life lessons as well.

Message edited 1/9/2012 8:29:59 PM.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

I hate the amount of material things that my son has - almost all of which are gifts from friends and family. It is out of control. I feel like if you have so much "stuff" it makes it hard to appreciate what you have. I only buy him a minimal amount of clothing and a few select toys that I know will be really special to him. I encourage family members to get him gift cards for things he can experience rather than toys (e.g. saf-t-swim gift card). I think that a lot of parents are out of control with the amount of things that they get for their children. I think that it contributes to the thinking in our society that it is everyone's right to things, rather than something you need to work for and earn.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

My son has a kiddie guitar, my mom wanted to buy him a big-kid guitar. I told her not to because he doesn't take care of his toys well enoug yet. Plus, I didn't want him to think that he can always get the newer and better "toy". She spent the money on another toy.

Not sure if that answers you but its my $.02

BTW - I'd get DS more clothes so I had to do laundry less, not to spoil him.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

I think kids who do get lots of material things should be taught to appreciate everything they are given and taught to realize that they are lucky to have so many THINGS...but that THINGS are not whats important in life.

I recently was flipping through the PBK catalogue and I saw a few really cute things that Id love for DD...a few of them were WAY out of my price range...but some were reasonable and I thought about ordering them...then I thought about it a little more, and realized that DD is 7 months old and doesnt NEED any of the things I would have ordered...and that there are babies and children who have nothing...and I threw the catalogue out...I couldnt justify the decadent purchases...

I hope to teach DD to live simply...to enjoy and appreciate all that we have, but not to value life based on possessions but on relationships and experiences. (Im not saying that DH & I or our families wont spoil her from time to time, but that hopefully she will not have the entitled attitude of a spoilled little brat!)

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

DD has sooo many material things. I think deep down its my way of filling my own void for her not having her father and the family life she would have had if things were different.
She is well mannered (most of the time) knows her pleases and thank yous, cleans up after herself and is told no to things.
i dont think she is any worse off by having all of the stuff...she dosent use half of it anyway and wouldnt care if she had it or not.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

My niece was the only baby for a long time. She was SHOWERED with gifts everyday by all of us. She's 3 and never asksnfor anything. You can take her to any store and she never asks or expects anything.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

I personally think getting a ton of toys for xmas for example, is overwhelming for young children. i don't think children appreciate things as much when they are just thrown everything under the sun (JMO).

I don't know what category I fit into as a child, but I don't want my DS to have an excessive amount at xmas, etc. And it does become hard because DH's side of the family tends to over-indulge in my opinion.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

If the child is taught to appreciate what they are given and to be thankful and return the spirit of giving in some way, then I see no problem with it.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

Hate it! We have the only grandkids, nieces, nephew, etc and every time someone comes over my DS says, what did you bring me...this is thanks to grandparents that come over with gifts at every visit....

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

I agree it's not about being given things, it's about teaching them to value what they're given.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

i think if the kid always gets alot, they are then going to be set up for disappointment...... when they don't keep getting the quantity, or when they then start wanting larger things.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

Posted by Serendipity

Posted by bicosi

Posted by dpli

I don't think having material things is necessarily a negative, it's how they are valued that is important. If parents raise the child to value possessions over people, then it's a problem.

THIS!!!! ^^^

Exactly

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

There is such thing as TOO MANY GIFTS.

I've witnessed my nieces being bombarded with toys/presents since they were born by their grandma (my SIL's MIL). They live a few miles apart and are watched by this grandma 2 or 3 days a week. There is no such thing as a day that goes by without a gift of some kind.

Even as appreciative as children can be taught to be, it does get overwhelming to the point of ridiculous. Like my SIL said to me..she HATES it because the kids don't really appreciate when someone else gives them a gift. They are SO used to getting gift after gift that things have no real meaning for them at times.

We've seen that at the past 2 Christmases, the girls don't even open half of what they are given by Santa or family b/c they are overwhelmed.

SIL had to have a big talk with her MIL about it. It was at the point where my niece would throw a tantrum and instead of being disciplined, they were taking her aside to get her a toy or something.

My boys do get a lot of stuff at christmas as well (I have 5 brothers/sisters and tons of aunts/uncles/grandparents buying for them) but its one day of the year this happens for them and they love it. They are very appreciative. If it happened all year long I bet they would act the same way as my nieces and i don't agree with it. You can appreciate (genuinely) up to a certain point!

Message edited 1/10/2012 8:00:49 AM.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

I think it's very age-dependent.

When they are very young, I don't think they "get it."

I do believe at a certain age (I don't know what this age is yet), it's important to show kids that they can't have everything they want, that certain things are over-prized (i.e. television commercials promoting the XX brand whatever vs a no-name whatever) & they have to work for certain material things.

What I really hate is hearing about avoiding materialism from friends who have a collection of $1000 purses or shoes.

But... that's just my current opinion. DS thinks toilet paper is the best toy in the world right now.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?

I think it depends. It depends on the child and how the parent raises their child.

DH and I have a lot of friends and we have A LOT of family so naturally on my DD's bday and on Xmas she does get A LOT, I'm not going to lie. But I don't have a problem with her getting a lot of gifts and things TWO times a year. We aren't buying for her all throughout the year and whenever she wants something. Gifts are for special occasions and with SO many people buying for her, it would be next to impossible to even scale it back.

That being said though, my DD is ALWAYS very appreciative of what she gets, she says thank you, she takes care of her toys, and plays with everything throughout the year. She really enjoys what she is given and appreciates it.

I think that's really the key, I think as a parent you need to teach your kids to be thankful and appreciative whether they get 4 presents or 40. I think that when kids are thankful and when they have respect for the things they are given then getting a lot isn't always a bad thing. If your kid tears through a million gifts, tosses them to the side, doesn't say thank you, doesn't take care of what they are given, etc. then I think that is when you create a spoiled brat.

I try to lead by example, we always thank everyone for what we're given and we take care of our home and the things in it. I think that when our DD sees us taking care of the things we own she naturally follows our lead and takes care of the things she owns. And I've always told her, if we ever see her mistreating her toys then we will take them from her. We remind her that everyone spent hard earned money on her and she needs to take care of the things she is given. I think it's an important lesson to teach them from a young age. It's worked for us so far.

Re: Deep thought for the day...What are your thoughts on children who get alot of material things?