desperately looking to vent and cry

let me start with: all this "stuff" is happening to me while i'm pms-ing

i was sexually harrassed at work from sept to about dec. i didn't know what to do or how to react... i'm a bigger chicken than i thought i was.

so, a few weeks ago, out of anger i looked at the s. o. b.'s email that was open on his desktop.

i got written up for it. so i'm in the office with hr and my boss. my job was threatened, so i spilled my guts. i told them that i hate him because of the things he had done/said to me.

long story/short... i was accused of a "fact", he'll be investigated of an "alleged" events. i was so mad!!!!

and to put the icing on the cake, when i come home and tell dh... what does he do????

NADA!!! NOTHING!!!!
no hug, no "i'm sorry baby", no "that *****", no "i want to kill that s.o.b" nothing.

am i really that bad of a person to not deserve a shoulder to cry on???

feeling pretty lost tonight.

thanks for reading

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Wow - thats a lot to have to deal with on your own - I have no advice for you - but I'm so sorry!

Is there any way you can maybe find a lawyer to help you with then incident at work?

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Wow...just wow on your boss' part. And I'm sorry that your DH wasn't that supportive.

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

I think the best thing you could do is to gather evidence.

Did you send any emails to anyone about what he's done? If so, print them out (you can redact anything else personal that doesn't pertain to his harassment).

Did you tell anyone? Speak to anyone?

I suggest that you sit down & document ANYTHING & EVERYTHING you can remember. Dates, location, etc.

I've never been in the situation but it's the best way to protect your job & if necessary walk out with a significant severance package.

Is it a large company? I ask because I've seen companies settle very easily for a ton of money where the claims were completely bogus.

Also as for your DH, I'm sure it's a sucky, powerless feeling to have your wife harassed & be unable to do anything about it. I know it's probably not want you want to hear but I would cut him a break. Last thing you need is another fight on your hands. There's nothing wrong with telling him you need attention, affection & comfort if you need it.

Message edited 2/21/2008 8:44:20 PM.

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Sexual harrassment complaint should be handled seriously by your HR. You need to remind them that YOU are the victim. Unfortunately, your complaint for sexual arrassment came AFTER you have been written up for reading his email. Which now appears like a "revenge".

As far as the actual sexual harrassment, I had this issue a few years ago. Documents what you can. Date, location. Speak to someone immediatelly after it occurs. In my case, it was really my words against his. It's really difficult to prove. AND that was after I knew he had done to other women who never wanted to go to HR. That made it even more difficult. Luckily he left the company.

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

I'm so sorry for you.

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

I'm so sorry - I'm sure I'd feel the same way you do right now. That's terrible to have to deal with.

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

I am so sorry that happened to you and that your dh is not being supportive...we are here for you

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Posted by nrthshgrl

I think the best thing you could do is to gather evidence.

Did you send any emails to anyone about what he's done? If so, print them out (you can redact anything else personal that doesn't pertain to his harassment).

Did you tell anyone? Speak to anyone?

I suggest that you sit down & document ANYTHING & EVERYTHING you can remember. Dates, location, etc.

I've never been in the situation but it's the best way to protect your job & if necessary walk out with a significant severance package.

Is it a large company? I ask because I've seen companies settle very easily for a ton of money where the claims were completely bogus.

Also as for your DH, I'm sure it's a sucky, powerless feeling to have your wife harassed & be unable to do anything about it. I know it's probably not want you want to hear but I would cut him a break. Last thing you need is another fight on your hands. There's nothing wrong with telling him you need attention, affection & comfort if you need it.

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

thank you all for your kind words.
you have no idea how much it has meant to me to read all the posts.

a few notes:
i did tell people about what had occured.
there is another "victim" who no longer works there, i'll be contacting her to let her know what's going on.

i had a talk with dh, he made up for being an idiot.

no matter what the company does, i just don't want to work there. i haven't been happy there for quite some time.

i'll be hitting monster.com tonight

again, thanks

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

I'm glad you made the decision to move on, but more importantly making the decision to take action against the SOB.

Good luck with anything. If you need any help on wording your documentation, etc. - just ask.

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

Re: desperately looking to vent and cry

ugh! what a sucky situation

you've gotten some really good advice already - i think you should be proud of yourself that you spoke up!!-

i had a similar situation at an old job of mine - filed a formal complaint with HR - HE got "written up" after being questioned, and admitted to the behavior (but of course downplayed it, and said he wasn't serious )
they relocated him to another office - but guess what? a month later, he was PROMOTED! talk about a slap in the face!

turned out okay in the end though - i wound up filing a nice lawsuit against the company on an entirely different matter, and WON!

i'm sure everything will turn out just fine for you as well!