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JWG421
Our miracle is here
Member since 12/12 2507 total posts
Name:
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Destination wedding
Please help me understand this process
I am helping my bff plan her destination wedding.
So I understand she will pay for her room, and the wedding ceremony and reception.
So the tacky part!
The guests pay their own room, how are meals handled during the trip?
Thanks
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Posted 3/3/22 6:05 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Destination wedding
The only destination wedding i have been to was at an all inclusive so meals were covered.
But I assume guests pay for their own meals etc.
It's pretty much a vacation you are paying for with a wedding at it.
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| Posted 3/3/22 6:55 AM |
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MrsWoods
LIF Adult
Member since 4/12 1461 total posts
Name:
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Destination wedding
Been to a destination wedding. Unless you are in the wedding party, a lot of expense is up to you.
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| Posted 3/3/22 7:52 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Destination wedding
I've been to a destination vow renewal, so not exactly a wedding, but everything was our responsibility. Meals, flights, lodging, etc. It was really expensive since it was Spring Break.
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| Posted 3/3/22 9:15 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Destination wedding
I just went to a destination wedding (which was super awesome and I would go to another one in a heartbeat). We all paid for our own rooms. She had a welcome reception Friday night that she said would be finger foods that would be enough for dinner. It was not. Especially when you are drinking. It was literally pitas and hummus and a cheese and meat board. That's it. For 60 people. We ended up ordering pizza to be delivered to the hotel which was a little bit of a pain because we weren't in NY and things are just not as accessible like they are here and none of us were in a condition to drive to get food. Saturday, we handled breakfast and lunch on our own but dinner was the reception. Sunday was on our own as well.
If it was me, given the expense and effort involved with guests travelling to be there to celebrate, I would have had a bbq or something on Friday night and then I would have hosted a breakfast on Sunday. But I also have to say my friends who hosted this are also not NY'ers and their reception was also a minimal buffet. I think it comes down to NY'ers having absurd expectations of weddings. Be that as it may, it is what it is and I could not tolerate people talking smack that they were starving and underfed at my affair. LOL That being said, before we got there, I did not know there was a welcome dinner so I had anticipated paying for all of my meals minus the reception.
Message edited 3/3/2022 10:50:08 AM.
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| Posted 3/3/22 10:48 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Destination wedding
We just went to my husband's co workers wedding in the fall. We paid for air and hotel. They gave us a nice gift basket in the room with some gift cards for a bakery and other stuff. There was a welcome reception the first night for dinner, the rehearsal dinner was the second night and everyone was invited and then the next night was the wedding. The rest of the time we were on our own. I think some people probably host a farewell breakfast the morning after the wedding.
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| Posted 3/3/22 11:01 AM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1066 total posts
Name:
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Destination wedding
I feel like there are two types of destination weddings. One is where the bride and groom and all the family live in one area and they decide to get married on the beach or something. So, it's a destination wedding for everyone.
Then, there are ones where they have the wedding in the bride's hometown. So, maybe the groom's family and their friends have to travel, but the bride's family lives there, so it's not a "true" destination wedding IMO.
Either way, the guests have to pay their own way. But, I get annoyed when a couple makes the entire guest list travel, when they could have just had it at a local catering hall like everyone else. It seems more palatable to me when there's more of a reason to have it somewhere else.
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| Posted 3/3/22 11:38 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Destination wedding
Posted by nycbuslady
I feel like there are two types of destination weddings. One is where the bride and groom and all the family live in one area and they decide to get married on the beach or something. So, it's a destination wedding for everyone.
Then, there are ones where they have the wedding in the bride's hometown. So, maybe the groom's family and their friends have to travel, but the bride's family lives there, so it's not a "true" destination wedding IMO.
Either way, the guests have to pay their own way. But, I get annoyed when a couple makes the entire guest list travel, when they could have just had it at a local catering hall like everyone else. It seems more palatable to me when there's more of a reason to have it somewhere else.
I understand what you are saying and that is the reason why I myself didn't have a destination wedding even though I really wanted to get married in Bermuda. But it goes back to who the wedding is really about - is about the guests, or about the Bride and Groom? And now when I look back I wish I had put myself first and did what I wanted to do, rather than caving to the wants of other people. The people who I truly cared about would have found a way to make it work, and we would have made sure to help them with air and room if that were an obstacle. But I also come from a family where if someone wants to celebrate a milestone birthday in Hawaii or Paris, we all hop on a flight and go. We are not the type to b*tch and moan about feeling obligated going somewhere because we go and we have a great time.
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| Posted 3/3/22 12:30 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Destination wedding
Posted by lululu
Posted by nycbuslady
I feel like there are two types of destination weddings. One is where the bride and groom and all the family live in one area and they decide to get married on the beach or something. So, it's a destination wedding for everyone.
Then, there are ones where they have the wedding in the bride's hometown. So, maybe the groom's family and their friends have to travel, but the bride's family lives there, so it's not a "true" destination wedding IMO.
Either way, the guests have to pay their own way. But, I get annoyed when a couple makes the entire guest list travel, when they could have just had it at a local catering hall like everyone else. It seems more palatable to me when there's more of a reason to have it somewhere else.
I understand what you are saying and that is the reason why I myself didn't have a destination wedding even though I really wanted to get married in Bermuda. But it goes back to who the wedding is really about - is about the guests, or about the Bride and Groom? And now when I look back I wish I had put myself first and did what I wanted to do, rather than caving to the wants of other people. The people who I truly cared about would have found a way to make it work, and we would have made sure to help them with air and room if that were an obstacle. But I also come from a family where if someone wants to celebrate a milestone birthday in Hawaii or Paris, we all hop on a flight and go. We are not the type to b*tch and moan about feeling obligated going somewhere because we go and we have a great time.
I see what you are saying but not everyone can afford to hop on a plane to Hawaii or Paris.... it's not a matter of not wanting to go or having a great time- of course you would. Who wouldn't have a great time in a place like that?
It's a matter of money, or lack of vacation days at work, or kids in school, or other obligations that preclude going on a long vacation to a far off place because Suzy is turning 50.
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| Posted 3/3/22 12:45 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Destination wedding
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lululu
Posted by nycbuslady
I feel like there are two types of destination weddings. One is where the bride and groom and all the family live in one area and they decide to get married on the beach or something. So, it's a destination wedding for everyone.
Then, there are ones where they have the wedding in the bride's hometown. So, maybe the groom's family and their friends have to travel, but the bride's family lives there, so it's not a "true" destination wedding IMO.
Either way, the guests have to pay their own way. But, I get annoyed when a couple makes the entire guest list travel, when they could have just had it at a local catering hall like everyone else. It seems more palatable to me when there's more of a reason to have it somewhere else.
I understand what you are saying and that is the reason why I myself didn't have a destination wedding even though I really wanted to get married in Bermuda. But it goes back to who the wedding is really about - is about the guests, or about the Bride and Groom? And now when I look back I wish I had put myself first and did what I wanted to do, rather than caving to the wants of other people. The people who I truly cared about would have found a way to make it work, and we would have made sure to help them with air and room if that were an obstacle. But I also come from a family where if someone wants to celebrate a milestone birthday in Hawaii or Paris, we all hop on a flight and go. We are not the type to b*tch and moan about feeling obligated going somewhere because we go and we have a great time.
I see what you are saying but not everyone can afford to hop on a plane to Hawaii or Paris.... it's not a matter of not wanting to go or having a great time- of course you would. Who wouldn't have a great time in a place like that?
It's a matter of money, or lack of vacation days at work, or kids in school, or other obligations that preclude going on a long vacation to a far off place because Suzy is turning 50.
Right I understand that and in the case of our wedding we were looking to pay for air and hotel for anyone that we knew couldn't afford it or it would be a dealbreaker. I wouldn't want someone overextending themselves to come to my wedding. Either way we ended up just having it at a hall on Long Island. Not my dream wedding but it was fine. But I certainly wouldn't be annoyed if someone chose to carry out their dream at the expense of me being able to attend.
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| Posted 3/3/22 12:52 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Destination wedding
Posted by lululu
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lululu
Posted by nycbuslady
I feel like there are two types of destination weddings. One is where the bride and groom and all the family live in one area and they decide to get married on the beach or something. So, it's a destination wedding for everyone.
Then, there are ones where they have the wedding in the bride's hometown. So, maybe the groom's family and their friends have to travel, but the bride's family lives there, so it's not a "true" destination wedding IMO.
Either way, the guests have to pay their own way. But, I get annoyed when a couple makes the entire guest list travel, when they could have just had it at a local catering hall like everyone else. It seems more palatable to me when there's more of a reason to have it somewhere else.
I understand what you are saying and that is the reason why I myself didn't have a destination wedding even though I really wanted to get married in Bermuda. But it goes back to who the wedding is really about - is about the guests, or about the Bride and Groom? And now when I look back I wish I had put myself first and did what I wanted to do, rather than caving to the wants of other people. The people who I truly cared about would have found a way to make it work, and we would have made sure to help them with air and room if that were an obstacle. But I also come from a family where if someone wants to celebrate a milestone birthday in Hawaii or Paris, we all hop on a flight and go. We are not the type to b*tch and moan about feeling obligated going somewhere because we go and we have a great time.
I see what you are saying but not everyone can afford to hop on a plane to Hawaii or Paris.... it's not a matter of not wanting to go or having a great time- of course you would. Who wouldn't have a great time in a place like that?
It's a matter of money, or lack of vacation days at work, or kids in school, or other obligations that preclude going on a long vacation to a far off place because Suzy is turning 50.
Right I understand that and in the case of our wedding we were looking to pay for air and hotel for anyone that we knew couldn't afford it or it would be a dealbreaker. I wouldn't want someone overextending themselves to come to my wedding. Either way we ended up just having it at a hall on Long Island. Not my dream wedding but it was fine. But I certainly wouldn't be annoyed if someone chose to carry out their dream at the expense of me being able to attend.
I agree. I don't care where you want to get married and I think you 100% SHOULD do what you want for your wedding- but you can't expect anyone to attend. Those who can great, but you have to realize many won't.
But Id' be ok with that personally.
LOL
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| Posted 3/3/22 12:53 PM |
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Re: Destination wedding
Posted by lululu
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lululu
Posted by nycbuslady
I feel like there are two types of destination weddings. One is where the bride and groom and all the family live in one area and they decide to get married on the beach or something. So, it's a destination wedding for everyone.
Then, there are ones where they have the wedding in the bride's hometown. So, maybe the groom's family and their friends have to travel, but the bride's family lives there, so it's not a "true" destination wedding IMO.
Either way, the guests have to pay their own way. But, I get annoyed when a couple makes the entire guest list travel, when they could have just had it at a local catering hall like everyone else. It seems more palatable to me when there's more of a reason to have it somewhere else.
I understand what you are saying and that is the reason why I myself didn't have a destination wedding even though I really wanted to get married in Bermuda. But it goes back to who the wedding is really about - is about the guests, or about the Bride and Groom? And now when I look back I wish I had put myself first and did what I wanted to do, rather than caving to the wants of other people. The people who I truly cared about would have found a way to make it work, and we would have made sure to help them with air and room if that were an obstacle. But I also come from a family where if someone wants to celebrate a milestone birthday in Hawaii or Paris, we all hop on a flight and go. We are not the type to b*tch and moan about feeling obligated going somewhere because we go and we have a great time.
I see what you are saying but not everyone can afford to hop on a plane to Hawaii or Paris.... it's not a matter of not wanting to go or having a great time- of course you would. Who wouldn't have a great time in a place like that?
It's a matter of money, or lack of vacation days at work, or kids in school, or other obligations that preclude going on a long vacation to a far off place because Suzy is turning 50.
Right I understand that and in the case of our wedding we were looking to pay for air and hotel for anyone that we knew couldn't afford it or it would be a dealbreaker. I wouldn't want someone overextending themselves to come to my wedding. Either way we ended up just having it at a hall on Long Island. Not my dream wedding but it was fine. But I certainly wouldn't be annoyed if someone chose to carry out their dream at the expense of me being able to attend.
Honestly I could never go to the couple and say I could not afford this or that. I would have had to declined unless I had ample time to save.
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| Posted 3/3/22 12:57 PM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: Destination wedding
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by lululu
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lululu
Posted by nycbuslady
I feel like there are two types of destination weddings. One is where the bride and groom and all the family live in one area and they decide to get married on the beach or something. So, it's a destination wedding for everyone.
Then, there are ones where they have the wedding in the bride's hometown. So, maybe the groom's family and their friends have to travel, but the bride's family lives there, so it's not a "true" destination wedding IMO.
Either way, the guests have to pay their own way. But, I get annoyed when a couple makes the entire guest list travel, when they could have just had it at a local catering hall like everyone else. It seems more palatable to me when there's more of a reason to have it somewhere else.
I understand what you are saying and that is the reason why I myself didn't have a destination wedding even though I really wanted to get married in Bermuda. But it goes back to who the wedding is really about - is about the guests, or about the Bride and Groom? And now when I look back I wish I had put myself first and did what I wanted to do, rather than caving to the wants of other people. The people who I truly cared about would have found a way to make it work, and we would have made sure to help them with air and room if that were an obstacle. But I also come from a family where if someone wants to celebrate a milestone birthday in Hawaii or Paris, we all hop on a flight and go. We are not the type to b*tch and moan about feeling obligated going somewhere because we go and we have a great time.
I see what you are saying but not everyone can afford to hop on a plane to Hawaii or Paris.... it's not a matter of not wanting to go or having a great time- of course you would. Who wouldn't have a great time in a place like that?
It's a matter of money, or lack of vacation days at work, or kids in school, or other obligations that preclude going on a long vacation to a far off place because Suzy is turning 50.
Right I understand that and in the case of our wedding we were looking to pay for air and hotel for anyone that we knew couldn't afford it or it would be a dealbreaker. I wouldn't want someone overextending themselves to come to my wedding. Either way we ended up just having it at a hall on Long Island. Not my dream wedding but it was fine. But I certainly wouldn't be annoyed if someone chose to carry out their dream at the expense of me being able to attend.
Honestly I could never go to the couple and say I could not afford this or that. I would have had to declined unless I had ample time to save.
I think when people plan DW they understand that there are people who can legit not afford it and then there are people who just don't want to afford it. We have another wedding coming up that is a destination to us but local to them. I kind of don't care if I go or not so I may play the financial constraint card to get out of going. People do it all the time.
But this is totally off topic from the OP's question.
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| Posted 3/3/22 1:33 PM |
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nycbuslady
LIF Adult
Member since 9/15 1066 total posts
Name:
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Re: Destination wedding
Posted by FirstMate
But this is totally off topic from the OP's question.
I think I accidentally veered the thread off topic. Oops!
To answer the OP's question, if it's a beach destination wedding, I would recommend going to an all inclusive resort and just let the resort handle everything. The guests will pay for everything up front, so there are no surprises. Maybe the bride and groom could still organize a welcome dinner and an after-wedding brunch. But otherwise, there probably isn't much to do.
If it's a wedding in a local spot, the bride and groom could leave a gift basket in people's hotel rooms, mabye with local chocolates or other local things. Maybe leave a map of places of interest, etc. And, then also invite them to the rehearsal dinner or another welcome event, and brunch the day after the wedding.
Also, for both types, they may want to arrange babysitting in case any couples bring their kids for the vacation, but they may not want them at the actual wedding.
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| Posted 3/3/22 1:56 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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Destination wedding
I think it is nice to do a dinner the day before the wedding and a brunch or bbq the day after if its in the budget.
I don't think its expected, but if everyone were spending a great deal to celebrate my event, I would want to make sure to thank them and host them well.
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| Posted 3/3/22 2:09 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Destination wedding
I don't think it's tacky. We always paid but the couple did have a hosted dinner, or baskets for their guests.
I think that is only for people who are super loaded but I don't have any rich friends to compare.
I also wanted a destination and wish I did it. I understood many wouldn't be able to come, which, was the appeal. Small and intimate. It was the opposite with my family, they would be mad at me for doing it and them not being able to come. So LI, Leonard's wedding it was. I think my only reason to do a vow renewal, would be just to get married on a beach.
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| Posted 3/3/22 2:37 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Destination wedding
Posted by windyweather21
Posted by lululu
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by lululu
Posted by nycbuslady
I feel like there are two types of destination weddings. One is where the bride and groom and all the family live in one area and they decide to get married on the beach or something. So, it's a destination wedding for everyone.
Then, there are ones where they have the wedding in the bride's hometown. So, maybe the groom's family and their friends have to travel, but the bride's family lives there, so it's not a "true" destination wedding IMO.
Either way, the guests have to pay their own way. But, I get annoyed when a couple makes the entire guest list travel, when they could have just had it at a local catering hall like everyone else. It seems more palatable to me when there's more of a reason to have it somewhere else.
I understand what you are saying and that is the reason why I myself didn't have a destination wedding even though I really wanted to get married in Bermuda. But it goes back to who the wedding is really about - is about the guests, or about the Bride and Groom? And now when I look back I wish I had put myself first and did what I wanted to do, rather than caving to the wants of other people. The people who I truly cared about would have found a way to make it work, and we would have made sure to help them with air and room if that were an obstacle. But I also come from a family where if someone wants to celebrate a milestone birthday in Hawaii or Paris, we all hop on a flight and go. We are not the type to b*tch and moan about feeling obligated going somewhere because we go and we have a great time.
I see what you are saying but not everyone can afford to hop on a plane to Hawaii or Paris.... it's not a matter of not wanting to go or having a great time- of course you would. Who wouldn't have a great time in a place like that?
It's a matter of money, or lack of vacation days at work, or kids in school, or other obligations that preclude going on a long vacation to a far off place because Suzy is turning 50.
Right I understand that and in the case of our wedding we were looking to pay for air and hotel for anyone that we knew couldn't afford it or it would be a dealbreaker. I wouldn't want someone overextending themselves to come to my wedding. Either way we ended up just having it at a hall on Long Island. Not my dream wedding but it was fine. But I certainly wouldn't be annoyed if someone chose to carry out their dream at the expense of me being able to attend.
Honestly I could never go to the couple and say I could not afford this or that. I would have had to declined unless I had ample time to save.
We knew that for most of our friends it would have been a lot to ask monetarily and so we were trying to narrow down the guest list so we could pay for air and hotel for all of the younger friends and family that we knew wouldn't have been able to afford it. We wouldn't have expected anyone to outright come to us and ask us to pay - and it would have been across the board paying for those who could and couldn't afford out of friends and close family. Extended relatives and our parent's friends etc, they could foot the bill themselves and if they didn't want to so be it. But there are always those external pressures that parents want all of their friends there and so on.
Either way, I think that people understand that if they are invited to a destination wedding they are typically responsible for travel, hotel and food outside of the wedding. I don't think it's tacky to just provide the info for the group rate for the hotel and preferred airlines, etc. If someone can't afford or doesn't want to pay for it they always have the option to decline.
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| Posted 3/3/22 3:47 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Destination wedding
You are responsible for all costs associated.
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| Posted 3/4/22 9:42 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Destination wedding
Typically, guests pay for their hotel room, and their transportation, but meals for the night before, breakfast, and reception are paid for by the couple. Other meals and entertainment are on the guest.. Since the guest list is typically small, the total wedding cost is less for the couple than a traditional wedding.
Message edited 3/4/2022 9:55:44 PM.
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| Posted 3/4/22 9:53 PM |
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